Mildly Melancholy

A successful week

2012-01-22T01:02:00.000-05:00

This past week was a really busy one, but in a good way.

Friday evening through Monday afternoon, I shot a convention. A few months ago, I got the referral through a friend, and I quoted a real price (though on the low end, as I was kind of unsure of myself), and they agreed!

I'd been nervous about it for a long time. First, because it was such a long event--over 30 hours of coverage! Second, because I haven't done a ton of event shooting lately. I did a one-day conference last August (for a pittance, but I guess it was good experience; unfortunately I never heard from the company about the photos afterward), and I did a lot of events back in 2009. This company was very clear and upfront about what they wanted in terms of the photos that they wanted, and so I was nervous about being able to achieve everything. Third, some of the events were smaller, evening events that might require flash, which is always a gamble depending on the venue.

The weekend was indeed very busy; I shattered any previous records of time shooting and photos shot--Saturday and Sunday were each fourteen hours, and my shot total for the weekend was more than four thousand. But it was also a lot of fun--lots of different things to see and photograph, and everyone I met or came in contact with (either listening to a lecture or actually speaking to) was genuinely friendly and really nice.

The first evening venue was a nightmare for flash (huge ballroom), and I felt like a failure. However, looking it up later, I discovered that there really is no way to light that kind of space without a lot of equipment placed all around the room, so it wasn't just me being unaware. The second evening venue was a higher-than-normal-but-not-ballroom white ceilings, so bounce flash was perfect.

Overall, a lot of the work was capturing people doing various things, which is what I love to do and which is what I do best.

Once the events were over, I worked really hard on the photos. For a few hours on Friday night, and then at least six hours on Monday, eight on Tuesday, and three each on Wednesday and Thursday, I edited them down to a more manageable number, and did basic fixes. (The white balance in a convention hall is a nightmare! Every place you turn, the lighting is different.)

On Friday, I dropped off the disc of photos in person. I'd emailed some to them earlier in the week as well, as previews. The person I'd been working with said they LOVED them, that they were so much better than the photos from the previous year's convention, and that her boss couldn't stop raving about my pics, and they might want me at an event later in the year!

Y'all, this is so amazing. To get such positive reviews of a huge photo project like this one feels incredible! For one, it was a relief that I captured what they wanted. And two, it was/is extremely validating to hear from a big client like this that they loved my work! Three, of course, is that this is a huge reference/experience to have on my photo resume. Fourth, the best--there could be huge potential for future work not just from them, but from referrals of people at the convention or in the company. They already offered to write a testimonial on my photography site!

So I am crossing my fingers that more good things might come out of this excellent weekend! What a great way to start off 2012!

Technology vs Teachers, part 3

2012-01-15T08:45:00.000-05:00

(Part 3 of 3. See Part 1 here and Part 2 here)

ONLINE LEARNING

Many students are being “left behind”, even in this ageof widespread education reform. And that’s with teachers and the sameclassroom! Take the teacher presence out of the classroom experience—why wouldyou expect the students to succeed?

Yes, the online course requirement will surely “allowstudents to take subjects that were not otherwise available at their schoolsand familiarize them with learning online, something [Superintendent Luna] saidwas increasingly common in college.” (NYT article)

Even when Iwas in college at the turn of the millennium, several of my classes had anonline component. Over email, we would discuss readings from class and shareour reflections. However, I can firmly say that it was too slow and impersonalto feel the same as an in-person discussion. There are certainly elements thatcan complement or reinforce things from a class, but I do not agree that “learning”online (as opposed to practice or reinforcement) is something that happens incollege, nor should it.

I asked my college-age sister about her experience with online components to classes. She said they have discussion groups and can look at the syllabus or other class information, and for one there's even a webcam feature, which is a neat way to do modern 'office hours' or class discussion.

Online learning still requires a teachersomewhere. What it means is that those teachers might be responsible for evenmore students than a standard classroom, with all the attending grading andother time. Plus there is less person-to-person contact, which makes it moredifficult and time-consuming to discuss a complex concept with a student. Ifyou had the option of stopping by a student’s desk for a few minutes to reviewtheir work as they were working, and sending a series of twenty emails overthree days, which would be the best use of everyone’s time?

Not to mention the ease of distraction; we adults haveall lost hours to the internet when we were “supposed” to be doing other things.Kids are going to be no different! Who will be there to keep them on track in class?

“[Ms. Rosenbaum] said she wasmystified by the requirement that students take online courses. She is takingsome classes online as she works toward her master’s degree, and said they lefther uninspired and less informed than in-person classes. Ms. Rosenbaum said shecould not fathom how students would have the discipline to sit in front oftheir computers and follow along when she had to work each minute to keep themengaged in person.”” (NYT article)

Discipline is the number-one issue that most teachersface—more so than even curriculum. When you’re teaching in a classroom, you cansee who is with you and who is lost, not just by how many hands are raised, butalso by eye contact, body language, and facial expression. All that nuance islost when everyone is communicating only through the computer.

Perhaps one reason that it may work better in college isthat the students are there more voluntarily, and they are independently tryingto work for their own grades. It’s difficult enough to engage a 17 year old whocares more about upcoming graduation than concentrating on their math teacher.Plus, college professors have a high expectation of their students—a lot morepassive listening and note-taking, fewer assignments, longer essays, morein-depth exams. If you do the work, you pass; if you don’t, you fail. Highschools are more politically motivated to pass their students. I know the middle schools I taught at sure were.

Sometimes I tend to think that all kids hate school andthink that teachers are dumb. But they understand that they need good teachersand good schools to help them do their best. Kids want to learn and want tosucceed. (At least, until the system beats it out of them.) Kids know better than anyone if their teacheris really invested, and kids want good teaching more than anyone else.

“Last year at Post Falls High School,600 students — about half of the school — staged a lunchtime walkout to protestthe new rules. Some carried signs that read: “We need teachers, not computers.”

Having a newlaptop “is not my favorite idea,” said Sam Hunts, a sophomore in Ms.Rosenbaum’s English class who has a blond mohawk. “I’d rather learn from ateacher.”” (NYT article)

Technology vs Teachers, part 2

2012-01-14T20:39:00.000-05:00

(part 2 of 3 in response to the NYT article about Idaho--see Part 1 here)

CRITICAL THINKING

Students do notlearn critical thinking from looking at a website or searching for something onGoogle. Students do not learn critical thinking from watching a video onYouTube. Students do not automatically become good writers by reading blogs andtweeting.

Allof those tools do not, cannot, should not replace teachers and teaching. They arejust that—TOOLS—that good teachers can use to guide students in developingtheir critical thinking and reading skills. Teachers are what make thedifference. Teachers provide essential direction and feedback to students, leadingstudents to making significant connections between the outside world and theirown, and helping them read, write, and talk about it in a meaningful manner.

“Teachers don't just teach the curriculum;they process it, they analyze it knowing their students' skills. Theyinvest their time in it so that students will want to invest their own. They make it meaningful, relevant, and they make it fun. Technologycan help with that, but it shouldn't replace. Teachersdo more than just teach; they shape, they mold, they model behavior,and they connect. Often that connection is worth more than anycurriculum. Worth more than any computer program.” (http://mrspripp.blogspot.com/2012/01/teachers-do-more-than-teach-why.html)

Teachershave various kinds of curriculum resources that they must present to theirstudents. But each teacher puts their own spin or emphasis on what they teach.Teachers and students aren’t widgets, or robots, and they aren’t all on thesame level—within a class or across grades. There must be some element ofcustomization to take student achievement level into account, let alone studentinterest level. Certainly, technology can aid in both of those.

"Notechnology is good or bad by itself; it's what you do with it," James Gee,an Arizona State University professor who has studied the use of video games ineducation, said. "Games are turning out just like books. Handing a kid abook doesn't make them better students or more literate. And the same gap candevelop with technology." (http://www.delawareonline.com/article/20120109/NEWS03/201090316/Learning-teaching-via-video-games)

There have been goodteachers for as long as teachers have existed. Good teachers will continue todo good teaching with or without technology. Surely, all teachers should havethe means and capacity to incorporatetechnology appropriately into their classrooms. Surely, there are stillteachers who turn on a video to placate students.

As teachersare asked to do more and more with less time and less money, is it really agood idea to force one kind of resource in schools? Not even a specific curriculumor standard list with actual content, but just technology? Does it become yetanother pro-forma part of what teachers must do, like bulletin board displaysand micro-managed wording about objectives, aims, teaching points, etc—just usethe computer for the computer’s sake? Will there be any allowance for teacherstyle and comfort, or will they be forced to use it all the time every day? Whowill be the judge of a good use of technology vs bad?

A coupledays ago, Dr. John B. King, Jr., the NY Ed Commissioner, sent an email to all teachers, askingeveryone to begin using the new Common Core standards and exemplars in theirclassroom.

“In every ELAclassroom (or any classroom where literacy plays a significant role), theCommon Core calls for thoughtful learning experiences around rigorous texts –you should conduct close readings of those texts with your students and askdeep and thought-provoking, evidence-based questions about the texts tofacilitate evidence-dependent conversations and build students’ ability tomarshal arguments about the texts.”

Notice there’s nothing in there about technology. There’sno suggestion or requirement to use a computer, an interactive game, orsmartboard. The Common Core wants students to go in depth, to THINK, and itallows that teachers are the ones responsible for getting the kids there. It’sabout talking and writing, on a deep level, which is what leads to criticalthinking, not just the blanket use of technology.

Anyone can pull up a video on the internet. Not justanyone can incorporate that into a meaningful lesson, with thoughtful work fromstudents before and after, as part of a complex curriculum. “… Ms. Rosenbaum[an Idaho teacher] did use a computer and projector to show a YouTube video ofthe devastation caused by bombing in World War II. She said that whiletechnology had a role to play, her method of teaching was timeless. “I’mteaching them to think deeply, to think. A computer can’t do that.”” (NYTarticle)

I asked@19Pencils (the twitter account for www.19pencils.com, an educational new/sharing website)for a response to the Idaho article: “High tech doesn't make straight Astudents. And high tech doesn't replace good teaching. It's a tool. High techalso makes vast assumptions of staff, ITdept, etc. Student gains are only as good as the support.”

Technology is a tool, and an importantone, but the critical piece is the teacher.

Technology vs Teachers, part 1

2012-01-14T13:36:00.000-05:00

(I split my response into three chunks because it was so long)

Last week,the New York Times published an article about Idaho’s new state initiative, which will give every student and every teacher a laptop, and make two onlinecredits a graduation requirement for high school students.

At firstblush, it sounds like a good idea. Kids need to be connected! Kids need tolearn technological literacy! Teachers need to harness the power of onlineresources! Schools need modern tools!

But then thedetails of the program begin to sound irresponsible and dictatorial, ratherthan inspirational and helpful.

First, allthis technology will be *required*. “Teachers are resisting, saying that theyprefer to employ technology as it suits their own teaching methods and styles.Some feel they are judged on how much they make use of technology, regardlessof whether it improves learning.” After all, the computer is not the teacher. Andyou know there will be older teachers who don’t understand technology, who willeither forsake it entirely, or use it in an inefficient manner.

Two, witheducation budgets spiraling into freefall, Idaho will use tens of millions ofdollars to provide the physical resources as well as the necessary training forthe 15,148 teachers in the state. Idaho already has the 2^nd lowestper-pupil spending in the nation. Is there really enough money to spare tofocus so much on one aspect of school?

“Mr. Luna, thesuperintendent, said training was the most essential part of the plan. He saidmillions of dollars would be set aside for this but that the details were stillbeing worked out.” Is it fair to divert money that could pay teachers a morelivable wage (starting salary is now a mere $30,000, though there is anothernew reform called Students Come First, which attempts to increase teacher pay,including pay-for-performance) to instead pay for computers that may or may notbe used to their best advantage?

TECHNOLOGYAND MISINFORMATION

To me, themost disturbing part is that the state leaders don’t seem to understand howschool or students work.

“For hispart, Governor Otter said that putting technology into students’ hands was theonly way to prepare them for the work force. Giving them easy access to awealth of facts and resources online allows them to develop critical thinkingskills, he said, which is what employers want the most.

"When asked aboutthe quantity of unreliable information on the Internet, he said this alsoworked in favor of better learning. “There may be a lot of misinformation,” hesaid, “but that information, whether right or wrong, will generate criticalthinking for them as they find the truth.””

Thisfrightens and angers me—that the governor believes students will magicallyacquire critical thinking just from having access to Wikipedia? When teachersaround the country already fight a losing battle over internet-printed “essays” in allgrades and subjects?

“Schulte(2002) reported the results of a Rutgers University study based on 4,500 highschool students from 25 high schools around the country. The study found that72 percent of the students admitted to “seriously cheating on a writtenwork” and more than half had “copied portions of a paper from the Internetwithout citing the source.”

DonaldMcCabe, the founder of the Center for Academic Integrity, is quoted as sayingthat “…cheating is starting younger—in elementary school in fact. And by thetime students hit middle and high school, cheating is, for many, like gym classand lunch period, just part of the fabric of how things are….What’s changed istechnology. It’s made cheating so easy. And the vast realms of information onthe truly, worldwide Web are so readily available. Who could resist?” (inSchulte, 2002).” (http://pareonline.net/getvn.asp?v=9&n=9)

Now thinkabout how much the digital world has changed since 2002!

Now, to theircredit, perhaps some of the Idaho teacher training might be about teachingresponsible web use, to ensure students do not plagiarize, and making it clearthat teachers will be able to catch them and enact appropriate consequences.

(I am verydoubtful of that, however; as more and more it seems like parents feel likethey have the right to defend and enable their children, regardless of thebehavior; schools feel more and more pressure to bow to parents’ will ratherthan adhering to the code of conduct.)

Let’s hope at theleast there is a state-wide teacher membership to Turn It In!

[continue reading Part 2]

Guess What!!!!

2012-01-12T20:53:00.002-05:00

After fourteen months of being an hourly contractor, I am officially a full-time regular employee at my job!!

I found out just before Christmas, but it took until this week to get all the details ironed out.

I have a very respectable title, and I will be earning a real, very respectable salary, for the first time in a year and a half! Relative to what I've been making, I will have SO MUCH MONEY!

I am downright giddy thinking about all the possibilities:
--I don't have to put off getting a haircut
--I'll finally be able to really contribute to my Roth IRA and savings account/down payment fund
--I can go out to eat with people more often, and not only order the absolute minimum
--I could buy a new pair of gym shoes for the first time in at least three years
--I'll be able to afford that Europe trip we've been talking about, as well as some other, smaller jaunts
--I might start saving for a camera upgrade (I'd love to go full frame!)

Mostly, I can just relax about money. I've been pretty good about denying myself things (though not as stringent as I could have been, I'm sure) and just thinking poor in general. But now I will have so much more money than I need. I can't believe it.

What a weight off my shoulders!

2012, let's do this

2012-01-04T21:57:00.001-05:00

(Isn't it interesting that "twenty-twelve" flows so smoothly off the tongue, while "twenty-eleven" feels so unwieldy?)

The theme for my goals this year all seem to fit in the category of "Get Off My Ass/Get My Shit Together." With that in mind, here goes (organized roughly by topic):

Drink at least 16oz of water a day (so far 4 for 4!)
Eat at least one piece of fruit a day (totally ridiculous, but there you go)
Snack smarter
Work out at least twice a week
Bike a total of 100 miles
Go for a walk (as a habit, not as a single event)
Aim for 8 hours of sleep a night (so far 1 for 4, but I am going to bed a little earlier)
Donate blood
Donate clothes/goods at least twice
Volunteer at least twice
Knit a vest (since I already crocheted one, and a sweater is scary--sleeves!)
Do more writing, as opposed to listing (oops)
Fully fund a year's contribution of Roth IRA (has yet to happen since 2003)
Do five ideas from my photography idea list
Read 4 "classics" (clearly numbers are not a problem for me, so I'm aiming for more Real Literature)
Organize/declutter my "hotspots"
Visit my Grandma
Go somewhere new in the US
Go to Europe
MOVE
Be more present and appreciative
Get all the business stuff together (which is a whole separate list, as I mentioned)

Our couple goals, which are very similar to 2011, and obviously there's some overlap to my list:

Eat at one new restaurant per month
6 live culture events
Go to a Yankees game (we went to a Mets game a couple years ago)
Go to at least one UCB show
Visit 5 new museums (we have 5 in mind already)
Cook together once a month
Date night twice a month (can be going to a restaurant or cooking at home, but at a real table)
Do household laundry the first weekend of every month
Frame the things that need to be framed, and put them up
Paint the shoe shelf thing (we got the paint the same time we got the shelf...it's sitting on another shelf)
Replace our mattress
Clean every week (which we've been doing since the fall)
Continue our monthly couple portrait

winter--

2012-01-03T22:07:00.002-05:00

new york is a sea of black coats today
jostling, teeming, leaning
into the biting breeze of the dark

collars up, heads down, hands deep
in shallow pockets

cold snakes in, relentless
weathering us whether we like it or not
frozen fingers, numb noses

dash home toward warmth
waiting for light and spring

I am sad about the end of vacation

2012-01-02T23:04:00.001-05:00

I've gotten so much done, which feels great.

January is going to be really busy, which makes me a bit nervous. Like I need to gear up. And like I'm not ready for it to start TOMORROW. I don't think I've gotten enough rest.

Plus I'm all out of sorts about my goals list. I've been working on one, but it doesn't feel complete, or something. But I guess I'll still try to post and get started with them.

We took down our Christmas tree last night, and brought the tree to our nearby park to be mulched this weekend. Happily Mister M agreed to keep the lights we have strung around the living room up for a little while longer, even if it is college-y. :)

I spent a bunch of time today working on some potential new photo sites. That, and the photo business thing, is something that I really need to figure out and get resolved. It's got me all confuzzled. First, should I do it? I would like to talk to a third party about it and find out if I really have the skills, and if the cost of set-up is something worth it for me to do. Then, if I go for it, I'll need to set up some business accounts and other things. And really, I'll need to get my ass in gear about marketing.

But all that is still in the future. Tomorrow is Tuesday, and the real start of a new month. Lots of new things to come.

2011: A Year in Review

2011-12-31T17:20:00.000-05:00

Here is my goal list from this year:

Knit or crochet a garment--done

Now I just need to wear it!

Establish a business--not done

I decided not to do this this year, because I didn't figure I would really be making enough money to make it "count" enough. Happily, I've made a tidy sum by the end of this year--like two months' salary! So I'll move this to next year's list.

Visit Seattle/family--done

Unfortunately, this was one of my first crossed-off items, as I unexpectedly traveled home last January for my dying grandpa. We did get to go again in the fall though.

Go to 5 new museums--done

We changed this goal to just going to five museums. Here's where we went:
American Museum of Natural History (and the brain exhibit)
Intrepid (went for free on Museum Day)
Brooklyn Historical Society
Museum of the Moving Image (SO COOL!! We have
New York Historical Society

Register for at least one class with AmeriCorps award--done

That money can also be used for Outward Bound, and I found an incredible two-week service project in PATAGONIA, but I don't think I can spare the time or the plane fare. Boo!

Go to dentist twice--done

Get new glasses--done

I wish I'd done this sooner; I love my new frames! I got them at Warby Parker, so the price was extremely reasonable.

Volunteer at least four times--not done

Wow, I was lazy this year.

Donate at least three times--done

Just in the nick of time! I think I donated a bunch of clothes at the very beginning of last year, and then I counted my sidewalk giveaway, and just today I walked a bag of clothes over to the Goodwill. That bag had been in my closet for months, and then I put it in the trunk of my car, at least two months ago.

The next thing we need to do is textile recycling--for clothes that can't be donated, they can still be used for other industrial purposes. Most of the greenmarkets are a donation site for this, and Goodwill does it also. I have a bag of textiles that's been waiting for months!

Finally, we just bought a new printer. I bought Mister Melancholy a printer back in 2007, which was great up until a few weeks ago, when something went funky with the ink, in that the colors were waaaaay off and there was some kind of leak. Goodwill will take that too, since it still does function in b/w, but they'll recycle it if they can't use it/sell it.

Count clothes and books--not done

Bake something new once a month--done

I have made:
Chocolate cake
Vanilla cake (gross)
Sour cream cupcakes (meh)
Snickerdoodles (yum!)
Strawberry-banana muffins

Oatmeal-chocolate chip cookies

Yellow cake
Blueberry cobbler
Strawberry cobbler

Cucumber soup

Cookie-dough brownie

Apple crumb
Apple crisp
Peanut-butter-filled chocolate cookies

14 total new things!

Clean every two weeks--done

It's a definite improvement and grown-up-ness. We need to some deep cleaning chores more often though, like clean the fridge inside and out. And we need one or two more sets of sheets so we can change them when we aren't able to wash them immediately.

Drink more water--incomplete

At the office it's easier sometimes, since we have a water cooler. And since I discovered lemon water (not merely a slice, but like 3/4 of a lemon's juice), I've drunk a bit more water at home.

Exercise once a week (at least)--done

Hurray! I haven't seen the kind of results that I'd like, but I do know that that's my fault. I'll be increasing my goal for next year. And happily my knees haven't been too awful this year.

Blog once a week--not done

Oh dear. I think months went by without anything at all. I'm glad I did the November daily blog challenge; it's gotten me to think about updates more often and then to actually write them. I have at least three education rants I'd like to write up.

Post to photoblog more than once a month (total of 13+)--done

Hurray!

Send back Netflix movies after three weeks no matter what--not done

Gah, definite fail on this one. I need to just cancel the discs for awhile and do instant only. We've been watching Felicity, and a bit of old Psych episodes, and I want to re-watch all of Buffy, Angel, Alias, etc.

Speak more positively about myself--incomplete

I guess it's a work in progress?

Host two parties--incomplete

We did one for my birthday!

For a week, record everything I eat--done

I'm still not sure where I should take that and if I should make some kind of goal around eating for next year.

Go kayaking--not done

This is a bummer. Ms M and I did try once for the free kayaking at Brooklyn Bridge Park...but the wait was too long and too hot.

Increase savings account!--done

I think I made it to $10k in my savings, just barely!

Give charity gifts

I think this meant give people charity donations as gifts? I didn't do this this year. (I did last year for Christmas. But last year I thought I had more money.) This year I bought some gifts for immediate family, and for everyone else, I did a craft project: homemade robot soap! I bought the glycerine, dye, and various scents, and I found a robot ice cube tray that was too adorable.

Go to bed earlier (turn off things by 12 and read for 20-30 minutes)--not done

I am an inveterate nightowl.

Send birthday cards, on time!--not very done

I sent out a few, but I think they were all late.

Clear out/organize craft bins--not done

Make postcard mosaic--done

They've been up for awhile now--must work on rotating some new ones in!

Do 31 jumping photos before my birthday--done

Here are two fun ones for you:

Hang out with friends regularly; 2x a month invite/initiate--incomplete

Read 100 books--done

Final count is 114 for the year.

Read at least 5 books from top lists--incomplete

I didn't try very hard on this one, but I did end up reading four books from the top 100 children's books list:
The Graveyard Book (Neil Gaiman)
The Invention of Hugo Cabret (Brian Selznick)
Percy Jackson: The Lightning Thief (Rick Riordan)
Charlotte's Web (EB White)

Find and attend photography/small business workshops--not done

Too poor and busy.

12 clone shots--done

Here's an outtake of one. I was highlighting my new jeans that make my ass look good. The finger-guns clone makes me laugh.

Buy a wide zoom--done

And hallelujah! Having a wider focal length has made my photo life much better.

Buy macro filters--done

Look at the cute shots I take with them!

Do a consultation with a trainer--not done

In theory I was too poor for this? But not really, because even one would have been not very much, and definitely worth it.

Use the gym pool once a month--not done

*********

Our couple goals:

Roadtrip!--done

We took a short weekend jaunt up to the Berkshires. It was quick, and lovely, and fun! We went bowling, picked apples, explored quaint towns, enjoyed the views along the back roads, and...went to the outlet mall.

Visit Mister M's parents in Virginia--done

Twice, actually. Once for a day in August (before the hurricane) and then again for Thanksgiving. Both times we drove around looking at neat things. Look at this amazing barn!

Cook together once a month--not done
Cook 12 new things--not done

I forgot about both of these. Whoops. We did this twice this year and really enjoyed it, so will make a real effort to complete this goal in 2012.

Try one new restaurant a month--done

And yum! Here were some of our favorites:
Enoteca on Court (Cobble Hill)
Hillstone (Midtown East)
Keste Pizzeria (Greenwich Village)
Jack the Horse (Brooklyn Heights)

Make progress on moving plan--done

I think we're ready to do it in 2012! That's most of the progress that needed to be made. :)

Live entertainment every 2 months or 6 total--done

Success! Here's what we did:
Watson Adventure Soho Chocolate Hunt
Upright Citizens Brigade Valentine's Day Special
Pete Yorn concert
Mike Birbiglia show
Del Close Marathon: Colbert Report writers
(Sara Bareilles--Mister M had to go alone; I had a work trip)
(Haley Bonar--I went alone)
New Yorker Festival
Psych Premiere Fan Appreciation Day
Nutcracker in the Lower
(Porgy and Bess--I went this week with a friend)

Make new couple friends/see couple friends--incomplete

Clean every two weeks--done

Go somewhere special for our one-year anniversary--done

I really meant to post a lot more travel photos from Greece, Virginia, and Crater Lake. Here's a panorama of the lake that made our jaws drop:

Kitty?!--not done

Monthly couple portrait--done

This is something that I'd done in the past fairly often, but I realized that there were plenty of times when I didn't make sure we had a nice photo done together, and I wished we had. So I liked having this goal, to purposely take fun photos throughout the year. I tried to have the photos reflect the seasons, to an extent, or to a major holiday or activity. Plus, since I make a calendar of us every year, this made it very simple to create one for 2012!

Vacation progresses

2011-12-30T13:29:00.003-05:00

Sleep (til NOON on Weds!)--CHECK
Two trips to the gym--CHECK
Visited friend for knitting, sewing, snacks and Lifetime movies--CHECK
Tidy--CHECK
Bake a new recipe--CHECK

Get rid of old futon--CHECK

Bought new couch--CHECK

Bonus:
Saw a Broadway show

Organized yarn baskets
Gathered yarn and needles for charity

Cleaned shower curtain with full-strength white vinegar

Making my list and checking it (more than) twice

2011-12-27T14:07:00.001-05:00

Happy vacation, y'all!!

I am so very thrilled to have this week off.

Recently I read this amusing Atlantic article about introverts: and this part struck me:

"Rather, introverts are people who find other people tiring. Extroverts are energized by people, and wilt or fade when alone. They often seem bored by themselves, in both senses of the expression. Leave an extrovert alone for two minutes and he will reach for his cell phone. In contrast, after an hour or two of being socially "on," we introverts need to turn off and recharge."

I don't think I am a true introvert, as apparently a hallmark of extroverts is their never-ending chatter (which I can often be guilty of), but that quote above hit home. I've often labeled myself as an introvert with extrovertist tendencies, and I think I'm right on.

I don't work eight hour days, but I "work" six days a week. And that tires me, because I want to just sit and be at home. (Because I have those kinds of white girl problems. And also because I am childless, so I have the luxury of feeling "off" when I'm home.) I love watching tv, reading, knitting, just being. I really enjoy hanging out with friends, but even sitting at someone else's house and talking, watching tv, knitting, doesn't feel as relaxing as being at my own home, you know?

All this to say again, I am really excited to have this week off. We'd originally thought of going somewhere warm for the holidays, but everything was too expensive. And thank goodness! For weeks I have been eagerly anticipating this week of nothing!

I did end up covering a shift of babies yesterday, and I guess we don't get New Year's Day off from babies either, so technically I don't have the entire week off. Happily we do get next Monday off. But I had two days off in a row--for maybe the fourth time in six months--and now I get five days off in a row! Five days of as little as possible!!!

Therefore, here, in random order, is my to-do list for the week:
--Sleep in as much as possible
--Go to the gym at least twice (one trip already done!)
--Visit a friend tomorrow for tv, knitting, and some sewing help
--Review my 2011 goals
--Create goals for 2012 (this time with Mister Melancholy's complicit help, instead of me conscripting him into it this year)
--Visit at least one museum (we're planning for two in case we wimp out on one of them)
--Shop for a new couch (we've had the Mister's college futon, and it is old and uncomfortable, not to mention un-grown-up)
--Skype with some friends and family

--Take my bag of donations to Goodwill
--Do some cleaning around the apartment
--Choose and bake a new recipe

Wherever you are, whatever you're doing, I hope you are having a wonderful time!

on holiday traditions

2011-12-26T19:27:00.004-05:00

I love having traditions--things to look back on fondly, and anticipate joyfully. There are so many fun holiday traditions that each family has, and I love hearing about all of them.

Growing up with a split family, part of my tradition was drama and anxiety. But there were things that parts of my families did that happened often. Because of the split custody, my mom always had us for Christmas eve. We would do presents and everything on Christmas Eve morning, and then in the evening, there was a family gathering. When I was little, it was at my grandparents' house in Seattle, and then when I was older, it moved to an aunt's house. In the evening, we'd leave the party early and go to my dad's. We each chose one present to open that night, then had the big presents and stockings on Christmas morning. We would eat those big cinnamon rolls for breakfast and go to church. Christmas morning was one of the only times I liked going to church, because we got to sing Christmas songs! Later there would be a big dinner and we always had what we called "kids' champagne"--sparkling apple cider.

What else is neat is that I have two handmade Christmas stockings. My grandma on my dad's side knit every member of the family a stocking, as well as knit everyone a hat and mittens every year. My mom sewed these adorable stockings for all the members of our family, with contrasting colors for the letters of our names. She even scrounged up enough fabric to make one for Mister Melancholy last year! Both of my stockings are at their respective houses, though; it doesn't seem right to take them from home. Also, I wouldn't want to have to choose which one to use, and I figure that as an adult I should figure out a new stocking I make for myself somehow.

This is my eighth Christmas in New York City. I think I've gone home for one or two of them, but I've also traveled abroad for many of them. Mister Melancholy always went home for Christmas (and a couple years ago I went with him). Last year was our first staying here together for the holidays, and we did that again this year.

It's fun to start creating our own traditions. There aren't that many, since we're kind of new to it. But they're shaping up nicely.

1. For the third year in a row, we made a gingerbread house and watching a Christmas movie. For two years, it was from a kit and Love, Actually, respectively. This year, we procrastinated and couldn't find a kit, so we engineered our own out of graham crackers.

The spread:

We created load-bearing walls and an under-roof to make the house bigger and more stable.

The addition of a ridge made the roof easy.

We used three full batches of royal icing--almost a full batch just to glue the house together!

We added a small square shed in the corner of our "lot." And then proceeded to decorate as much as we could.

The movie this year ended up being Santa Claus: The Movie. We watched that a ton when I was a kid. It's on Netflix instant now! I cracked up at John Lithgow, who played the villain. He really must have had a great time being evil--he vamps it up, and it's hilarious.

2. This was our second year with a real tree, and we will never go back to a fake only! The real thing just smells too good. Here is our tree on Christmas morning:

3. We decided two days before to make a "Christmas Feast." Not in the way that we'd have a heaping table full of dishes, but in that we'd make real food ourselves, from scratch as much as possible. It was tasty as well as fun!

Mister Melancholy decided to make a Moroccan spiced chicken recipe.

We also made rosemary-olive oil roasted potatoes. Yum! And I made a batch of buttermilk biscuits, using our Christmas cookie cutters to make them extra festive.

I whipped up a chocolate mousse dessert (from a box, but still counts.)

Kids' champagne, but apple-peach. Crisp and refreshing!

Here is our full spread! (Potatoes in the glass dish)

The dessert mousse, in wine glasses, with celebratory bokeh dolphins!

We've never been great about making real meals from scratch, but this one was a success and we will surely make this a special tradition too!

What are your favorite or unique family traditions?

another goal--check!

2011-12-23T22:36:00.002-05:00

This week I did something I have been meaning to do for some time: I used my AmeriCorps voucher to sign up for a class!

A few years ago I realized that I should probably learn Spanish (I have an unofficial minor in French). I never got around to it, it wasn't a priority, etc. However, my education award expires in June, which is a good motivator to use at least a little. So I registered for a short Spanish course at a CUNY school's continuing education program!

It's kind of a test to start with. Both to see if I like the class and can learn, and also if I can handle working with a twice-weekly evening class.

It's not a huge commitment, only a month or so, and it's not like I have high expectations. But it's exciting to have the prospect of working on a new skill, especially one that will be so useful in the real world.

If it goes well, there are more sessions in the semester that I'll take, as well as some kind of accounting short course for a possible photo business future.

This was on my list of goals for 2011, and one that I wasn't sure I'd follow through on. So I am proud of myself and excited for a new challenge!

making a difference!

2011-12-20T20:31:00.003-05:00

Wow, I loved your thoughtful comments!

I think it's good to re-assess every once in awhile, because I think that most of us mean well, but somehow we just don't always get around to doing what we know we can.

Teacher Gardener, I love that you get your students involved! I think it is so important to get kids involved early and often. They will surely remember your projects for years to come and become more worldly citizens!

Nancy, I know what you mean--finding time can be difficult! And I don't even have any kids. Right now I'm working six days a week...I'm not sure if I have much time either. But yes, if you find something fun, let me know! How about next week?

Rabi, it is that you give so much--that's incredible! Many of us (like me) don't often walk the walk, but you are. Way to go! Do you support one organization every year or have you been giving to the same charity for six whole years? Either way, that really does add up!

Also, the day after I posted that, I saw this book in the airport bookshop: Give a Little

The back blurb is a pretty much a direct answer to everything I said in that other post. :) I can't wait to read it!

does it make a difference?

2011-12-12T21:19:00.004-05:00

(spoiler: YES!)

Last night I was semi-watching part of 60 Minutes while Mister Melancholy (that's what I'm going to call him from now on; "my husband" sounds too smug and weird, and the "DH" blogging custom is just icky) had it on. There was a short blurb saying that after a segment aired on a homeless family in Florida, viewer donations poured in, giving the family money, job offers, housing, and even college scholarships.

While it's good to know that this one family will be on their feet and much more comfortable, that after-segment still felt kind of gross to me.

This one family dealt with a lot of hardships, losing their jobs and home. Millions of families have dealt with just as many, or even more. Some families never even have jobs or homes to begin with. (Most homeless and people in poverty are women and children, by the way.)

So the fact that the viewers sent money to help one family (there may have been two or three featured?)--that is wonderful for that family and their future.

But I wonder how many viewers realized that the family portrayed was representative of untold numbers of people in similar or worse situations. I wonder how many people thought to donate to food banks, homeless shelters, shelters for battered women and children. I wonder if anyone was driven to get out and volunteer with one of those places. I wonder if anyone thought to write to their representatives in government to bring needed attention to the everyday life that so many people live in poverty (for years or just recently). I wonder how many people realized that helping this one family whose faces they saw is doing nothing to help the bigger problem. That it kind of seems like a selfish reaction, actually, to focus on the people on the screen, rather than all the people behind it. I also wonder if 60 Minutes did that thing at the end of the original segment where they say, "for more information about helping poverty-stricken or homeless people in your area, contact [food bank/charity navigator/national shelter information/something like that]."

This sparked an interesting debate between Mister M and me. I said all of this to him and then asked if he donates to charity. He said that he doesn't feel like him donating $50 or whatever really makes a difference; is he supposed to do that to feel good? That's a drop in a leaky bucket, or a raindrop in the ocean.

I stared at him. To me this sounded like he was implying there's no reason to give a little bit because it couldn't possibly solve anything. He clarified that writing a small check makes him depressed, because even if he donated his entire net worth, it still wouldn't do anything to solve a real problem. And that since he works in policy, he's kind of working to solve it that way.

I replied indignantly, You can't eat policy! If I were to donate $10 to a food bank, that would mean that one person or one family had dinner that night.

Him: Sure, but that's only 1/1000th of the problem for just the next year!

Me: Right, exactly! Every little bit helps!

Him: I would rather start working out a way to fix it on a large scale so nobody's hungry.

Me: But people need to eat today!

It's interesting; I'm a textbook pessimist at times. But apparently when it comes to the concept of giving back, I'm a full-on optimist.

I spent ten solid months doing service projects around the United States, and then I volunteered regularly for several years after that. I saw for myself that giving back is easy, and it's such a win-win for everyone. Giving back to your community is so much bigger than whatever small project you do for a few hours. You meet new people, you become proof that people care about other people, and somehow that spreads to the ether of feel-good. AND you get things done!

He's heard this from me before, but I said that I wondered how many people volunteered or even donated money. In all my years of being involved with giving back, I was never joined by anyone. No one I knew thought it would be worthwhile to join me and some others for a few hours even for just one day. Now, sure, perhaps they did other volunteering on their own that I never heard about, but based on the reactions I got talking about it and inviting people, most people were confused or put off by the idea.

That makes me sad. Volunteering is a lot of fun. No matter what you're doing. I've done things as mundane as raking leaves in the forest, and as meaningful as constructing walls for Habitat for Humanity. It's all a great time! And it all makes a difference! I hope that if you've never volunteered, you take the next opportunity that comes up. It will be worth it, to you and to the organization, I promise!

(Also, I'd like to state for the record that I think teachers give back to the community in a MAJOR way. So do nurses, doctors, people who staff non-profits, etc.)

I don't have a lot of money to spare. Really I shouldn't be sparing any. But if I can bring myself to buy two books from a local bookstore, or buy a Twix PB at the drugstore, I can find ten to fifteen dollars a month at a minimum to help with a worthwhile cause. In the past I've donated to TrailBlazers, Save the Children, the Nature Conservancy, and Heifer International. I've volunteered many times with the Hands On Network, in Seattle, New York, and New Orleans. Last December I participated in Help Portrait (though I didn't participate this year; it was last weekend). Recently I found this great list from Oprah.com: Spend a Little and Give a Lot. This year, I'd like to donate to the Food Bank of NYC, which is running a matching campaign for the holiday season.

I hope you will join me in helping the community--and not just because it's the holidays. I hope you'll join me in creating a culture of giving back. It's not about the amount, it's about the effort. Do you have causes you support, with volunteering or donation? I'd love to learn about new worthy organizations!

Christmas Tree!

2011-12-10T23:02:00.001-05:00

Yesterday we bought a tree and tonight we finished decorating it! It smells delicious. I cannot get enough of that pine aroma!

Every year I make us a photo ornament from Snapfish. We try to buy an ornament when we go on vacation, too. We found a lovely, delicate one from Crater Lake in September, but we forgot to get one in Greece. So the photo ornament is one of us in Oia. I like adding ornaments every year and look forward to growing our collection of memories!

(This is a handmade bokeh filter in a heart shape.)

field trips!

2011-12-04T18:49:00.001-05:00

Tomorrow morning I'll leave for a three-day trip to Georgia, a state I haven't been to before. I get to rent a car and I'll drive around and explore a bit when I'm not working. I'm really excited! I love visiting new places and getting to eat out and running errands easily with a car if needed.

I just borrowed a big stack of books from a friend (I guess I'll have to choose two to take), plus I downloaded the Mindy Kaling audiobook, plus I'll take my Sudoku book, plus of course a knitting project. And...maybe a Netflix movie to watch at the hotel.

Think of the potential photo opportunities in a brand new place! And I like getting to work with schools too--I've had really good experiences working with teachers in other states thus far.

Next week I get to go back to Florida to meet with my colleagues!

Work trips are my favorite way of pretending to be a grown up. :)

building business

2011-12-02T16:10:00.000-05:00

Over the summer, I answered an ad on craigslist. It ended up being for a political candidate who wanted on-the-street candid photos. I did two separate shoots with him in one weekend, for no pay. I always like taking candids, and this was a new type of shooting for me. So it was a good experience.

A month or two later, he asked if I'd shoot another afternoon for him, but this time he would pay. It was twenty dollars.

A few weeks ago, he emailed me on my day off, asking for another shoot that day. I called him back and left a message that I could, and that my rate would be $75. Later he left me a message and said, "oh, I didn't want to pay that much, we'd done twenty before, but I understand if that's not worth it to you."

No, it's not worth twenty dollars for at least three hours of my time commuting and shooting, plus at least one more hour of editing. That's five dollars an hour! Even $75 for all that is barely worth it!

I'm not sure if he'll call me again, but I hope that if he does, he's prepared to pay appropriately for my time and talent.

--

Last week I got an email from someone. They were going to be coming to NYC and wanted some shots of them around the city.
I was really excited, because A)I didn't already know this person, so a stranger found my site! and B)that's exactly the kind of shoot that I would love to do!
I quoted $100 for the session, which would be about two hours, and include a credit for one 8x10 print. Then they could buy prints with a discount for the first week, or buy a disc with all the images for $200 if they wanted.

Sadly, they decided not to book the shoot, because they're concerned about money.

However, I am comfortable with that, because I think that quote is very reasonable. For a shoot like that, there's 3-4 hours of commute & shooting, and then at least two hours of editing. So $100 for six hours of my time is more than reasonable! But it's not reasonable to give away all the photos for that same $100, which is why they would need to pay for the disc or prints. Keeping in mind, of course, that more established professional photographers charge $40+ for an 8x10 (so do the big store studios, actually) and $500+ for a disc of images.

These rates/charges I've come up with make sense for where I am right now this year, and I'm happy with that. For now.

Another good note is that a friend in the publishing industry got me a referral to shoot a big conference in January! I shot one day of a conference in August, which was quite a day. This one will be four long days! I'm a little nervous but also excited.

I hope that I continue learning from the booking and non-booking of photo jobs, and I hope to start building up a client base in the coming year!

ooh! shiny!

2011-12-01T16:09:00.001-05:00

I changed my blog template for the first time in probably five years!

Also, I successfully completed 30 days of blogging in November. Not much in the way of quality, but a few good things in there. I do have more ideas...sort of. I hope to get back in the habit of regular posting. We'll see. :)

working conditions

2011-11-30T22:06:00.001-05:00

I work in a great place.

I started in mid-October 2010 and immediately felt at ease with everyone that worked there. My weird sense of humor and sarcasm was right at home with my coworkers', and most days there is a lot of laughing. Really great people. Also sometimes there is cake.

Over the last thirteen months, a handful of people have left or moved, and a lot more people have joined us. They are all also good people, and there's still plenty of laughing. But it's still a little different, less of a small group/family kind of feeling as we expand.

Regardless, I feel very lucky to have this job where I get to hang out with smart, interesting, funny people. I don't make much money at all, but the environment and pace of the work make it almost okay.

In my last two years of teaching at charter schools, I knew that my colleagues were fantastic and interesting people too, but I never got to really see them. We were all penned up in our classrooms for ten to twelve hours a day. A good job--teaching or not--isn't about the money near as much as about how you feel when you're at your job, and how your coworkers get to interact and make you think or laugh. A good set of school supplies is an excellent perk, but it doesn't compare to a commiserative laugh.

the best things about me

2011-11-29T17:04:00.001-05:00

1. I'm good at ideas.

I love brainstorming. Occasionally I get these sudden visions or ideas, and very occasionally I get to see those visions carried out. I work for an educational/technology company and a few weeks ago I had some thoughts about new products. I took notes and added more details and I think they are super awesome. I shared it with a few people at work, including the person in charge of new products. He seemed happy to hear my ideas and passed them along. Not sure if anything will come of it, but I'm still excited about the ideas. I was sort-of put on the marketing team because of my ideas this summer. I have lots of photography visions that are much tougher to pull off, lacking certain geographical or costume elements. But I do keep a list in hope that someday I'll be able to realize it.

2. I'm honest.

Some people are fake and/or not genuine. It doesn't cross my mind to lie, so I tell the truth. Not at all in a "I say that I'm honest but really am just a brash asshole" way, more like "I'm too innocent and I follow the rules" way. So you know what you get with me, in a genuine way.

3. I'm passionate.

When I'm reading or thinking or talking about things I love (travel, photography, books, my ideas), I can feel my face light up. Sometimes I hop or dance in excitement. Often I continue to think/brainstorm about them while I should be sleeping or doing other important things.

4. I love to laugh.

5. It doesn't take much to make me happy.

Music? Something to read? Cozy chair or sofa with blankets? Maybe something to crochet and/or watch on tv? Someone nice and fun to chat with? A good hug? Pick any one or several of those things and I'm happy. Easy peasy.

6. I'm a cheap date/friend.

I don't drink very often, and I can't seem to stomach more than a few drinks when I do. I never order entrees and usually get just a salad and maybe one side (though I often want dessert), so even at a fancy restaurant, my portion of the bill is small. (Not that you'd be paying for me. But you know, for my husband, or if someone is footing the bill for a group, like a work event.)
I don't want fancy or expensive things (unless you count plane tickets?). I don't give a shit about status symbols, having the latest gadget or trendiest shoes or whatever. I don't want presents even; experiences are way better than things. Though if you want me to experience having a few more camera lenses, I guess I don't mind...

7. Do you need help? I can help you.

I like helping people. I also like teaching people to do things, if they need it. I like helping people figure out what they want.

8. I like learning things.

I've subscribed to National Geographic and Smithsonian since 2004 (actually, someone subscribed me to NatGeo that year, still not sure who--maybe my great-aunt?), and I love reading them and finding out small bits of information or in-depth looks at historical events, current events (though I can't seem to do this in newspapers or online news), or geographical features. I know this was one thing I did well as a teacher--made it clear how much I loved learning and reading, and that it shouldn't stop just because you're not a student.
Sadly no one else I know reads these magazines (I don't know why! They are so fascinating! You should read them!), but occasionally I can talk to people about a NYT article or a New Yorker piece that the husband tells me I should read.

the worst things about me

2011-11-28T22:05:00.001-05:00

1. I'm a Negative Nelly.

Seriously, I hate everything. I roll my eyes at everything else. So much makes me cranky. Traffic. Too many commercials. Slow-moving people. Trends. The word "trendy". Spoiled and/or entitled people. Children's names with excessive vowels or cre8tyve spyllinge. Toms Shoes. The smell of turkey. Hearing grown people say the word "totes" as in short for "totally." That one song, oh and that other one. 98% of reality television. This new Blogger format with the incorrect cursor. The Facebook "top story" bullshit. The term "social media." Incorrect use of the phrase "mano a mano"--it means hand to hand, not man to man! Sheesh!

I could go on for days...

I'm also highly suspicious of most everything.

2. I am bad at talking.

I am terrible at chatting with people. I listen but I don't know how to ask questions or something, to encourage more conversation. So I'm sorry. I really do want to talk to you, but I don't know how.

Either that, or I get started on a stupid topic and can't think of others. Like teaching. Probably half the people I know must think, "OH MY GOD SHUT UP ABOUT TEACHING ALREADY--IT'S OVER." If you're one of them, ack, I'm sorry!

Also, I am terrible at debating, because even when I have things to say, I can never say them right. Harrumph. Facebook politics make me itchy for this reason.

Even more, I only have like three stories. And two jokes. I'm terribly unoriginal and unwitty 99% of the time.

3. I'm a dumbass.

I do lots of stupid shit. (My last big one was locking my key into my gym locker.) I also say a lot of stupid shit, without realizing it. Sometimes I find out that I've offended someone or irritated someone, and then I am so anxious and sorry about--I promise, I didn't mean it! I'm just dumb! Sorry! I'm sorry!

4. I make excuses.

See? I should somehow know better than to say dumb things before they come out. Also, my knee hurts. And I have a headache again.

5. I'm lazy.

Can't go to the gym if my knee hurts. Can't I sleep in? Waah, I'm so tired. But instead of doing reading that could make me more interesting or more knowledgeable, I browse flickr. Instead of writing thoughtful blog posts, I flip through Jezebel and Gothamist on googlereader. I stay up late doing nothing important instead of going to bed at a reasonable time.

6. MY FACE

My face is crooked and my neutral expression looks unhappy. Also, it turns red. Like, all the time, any time. Sometimes I can feel it, but the horror I've learned this year is that my face turns red without me even realizing it! What the heck! Seriously, it's been making me really anxious lately. I hate my face. Also, it manages to be both shiny and too dry. Lovely.

7. I have trouble letting go.

Often I don't leave parties early because I don't want to miss out. I don't want to be the nineteenth wheel the next day when everyone is laughing about this one shared experience that you really had to be there for. I average over a thousand pictures a month, and many of them could be deleted. But...what if, you know? Maybe in a year I'll want three versions of that tree branch, and five versions of me standing in front of it. Argh. I have lots of books. I brought a handful with me when I moved here, leaving probably five boxes in my dad's garage. Now I have almost two full bookshelves filled with books. I've been able to get rid of the ones I don't like and that I know I won't read or read again...but that's not been very many. I hold onto books for probably too long, because what if I want to read them again?

On either the flip side or more of the same, I have trouble being in the present. I'm very guilty of only looking ahead, looking forward to something else that's different and therefore better than whatever's happening now. It's hard to slow down and experience things fully.

8. I'm basically an old person.

I hate loud noise and loud music. I hate crowds. I hate being out late on a school night. Half the time I probably can't hear you. I am often covered in aches and pains.

humbug

2011-11-27T22:59:00.007-05:00

Look, I enjoy the holiday season. I keep Christmas music on my ipod year-round because I like it so much. (My favorite songs are O Holy Night and Do You Hear What I Hear?)

I was alarmed to see Christmas decorations go up literally the day after Halloween. I saw a Christmas tree at the Atlantic Terminal mall two weeks ago. Gingerbread house kits at Costco several weeks before that! I have a problem with all this jumping forward and extending the consumerism of the Christmas season by the retail industry. It makes me cranky; it just shouldn't be this way.

I'm also kind of alarmed how quickly so many regular people (as opposed to the stores) are jumping into Christmas. The day after Thanksgiving, it seems like everyone started showing off their Christmas trees. I know that technically Christmas season can start after Thanksgiving, and that some people start decorating asap. But this year it seems like all the people. Like everyone's been holding their breath waiting until the first possible moment to hurdle into Christmas. I don't know, it's just weird. It's all too fast! Too much!

We'll put up our fake tree and buy a real one across the street. We'll take out our ornaments, adding special ones from this year to our collection. I'll starting gathering/replacing strands of fairy lights. We'll put out our Advent calendar that has treat boxes. I'll listen to Christmas songs on purpose instead of hearing them occasionally on shuffle. But it will be December when all this happens.

Please don't be offended; I'm a cranky old lady. Who will eventually get into the holiday spirit.

and we're back

2011-11-26T21:29:00.003-05:00

Here are those stars I mentioned yesterday (they're a bit blurry).

There is no better guarantee that I will feel burning hatred for New York City than making me slog through Penn Station after getting back from a quiet, peaceful trip. Harrumph.

I like vacation

2011-11-25T23:53:00.002-05:00

Today was a great day. There was ice cream and sunshine and millions of stars.

Happy Thanksgiving!

2011-11-24T16:58:00.005-05:00

I'm thankful for many things this year:
--My husband, who is cute, funny, supportive, and gives great hugs
--My family, who are pretty great people
--My husband's family, who are all very kind and have taken me in as one of their own
--Their kitty, who is very cute and likes me a lot:

--My colleagues, who are fantastic, interesting, and funny people
--Various friends scattered about the country and globe
--My two jobs, for keeping me busy
--The water pressure that got fixed after four months
--Time to sleep in this weekend
--Anyone who still reads this blog!

I hope you are having a good Thanksgiving wherever you are!

I'm on a train

2011-11-23T14:49:00.002-05:00

We're heading out of state to visit the mister's parents. Look at all this room! I've totally overpacked activities because I'm always paranoid about getting bored. So I have four books and three craft projects, plus my new sudoku book. That should be plenty for four days, right? :)

If you're traveling for the holiday, have a safe trip! Happy Thanksgiving weekend!

the state of my (online) library

2011-11-22T17:35:00.010-05:00

Today I completed one of my big 2011 goals!

I completed my 100th book of the year. Goodreads happened to offer a challenge that would track everything for you, which was a big help so I didn't have to count up my written list all the time.

I chose Charlotte's Web for book #100. Somehow I made it through childhood without ever reading it. It was at the top of the 100 Best Children's Books the other year, and I figured it would be an appropriate book for this special position on the list. It did not disappoint. What a wonderful book! The writing is clear and clever, and even educational (I love the vocabulary that kids can learn from reading this!), and the characters really come to life. It is so sweet and I can just imagine how enchanted a child would be reading this. If I ever have kids, I will surely read this one aloud to him or her.

Other notables from my year's reading:

I read eleven nonfiction books this year, and eight of them were first-person memoirs.

My favorite by far was Bossypants, in audio, by Tina Fey. She is awesome but also hilarious. I want to be like her when I grow up. (I look forward to listening to Mindy Kaling's new book; I have a feeling I also want to be her when I grow up.)

Also very interesting was The Lost City of Z: A Tale of Deadly Obsession in the Amazon, by David Grann. That book is about what happens when explorers stop being polite and start getting real--with plants, animals, and people that want to kill you.

I read a few grown-up literature books this year, including:

The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society, by Mary Ann Schaffer and Annie Barrows

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo series, by Stieg Larsson

Pamie's third book, Going in Circles.

My favorite discovery was the Thursday Next series by Jasper Fforde (the first of which is The Eyre Affair). Fun adventures and clever wordplay? Yes please! I've read five of the books this year; the sixth just came out this spring.

Most of what I read was/is young adult literature. Don't scoff; some of it is amazing! (And some of it is stupid [I have never read Twilight, I don't intend to, and its very existence makes me angry].) I've read both types this year, some for the two YA book clubs I joined. Some of the ones I liked most were:

the Percy Jackson series by Rick Riordan: Greek myths come to life, fast-paced adventures for middle-grade girls and boys alike. There are five books; I can't wait to read the last one!

Beauty Queens by Libba Bray: a fun satire of modern pop culture mixed with a girl version of Lord of the Flies. Fun for any high schooler.

Mostly Good Girls by Leila Sales: The perfect girl becomes not-so-perfect. Excellent for teen girls feeling a lot of pressure to do everything and do it right.

Forge by Laurie Halse Anderson (sequel to Chains): A must-read by one of the best historical-fiction writers for young adults. Get an up close look at slavery and the Revolutionary War in the New York area.

Al Capone Does My Shirts and Al Capone Shines My Shoes by Gennifer Choldenko: You simply have to read these. Life on Alcatraz is fascinating enough, but the characters seem so real, and the plots are alternately touching and adventurous. Fantastic reads for boys and girls (and their parents!).

Other outstanding YA books that you should absolutely read no matter how old you are:

How to Find Your Passion

2011-11-21T11:52:00.009-05:00

Sometimes the Oprah magazine has pieces that strike a chord with me, like the de-cluttering issue awhile back. The November 2011 theme was Find Your True Calling.

I grabbed a notebook and took notes on the section titled: O's 4-step Fulfillment Workbook:

When I was a kid, I dreamed of: gymnastics
I can't pass up a book or movie about: dancing?
If I played hooky from work for a week, I'd spend the time: sleeping in, reading, taking photos
Most people don't know this about me, but I really enjoy: singing, organizing things
I am the go-to person when my friends need help with: not applicable. no one asks me for help.
If I could star in my own how-to TV show, it would be about: travel
If I were to make a homemade gift, it would involve: crochet or baked goods
I've tried it only once or twice, but I really enjoy: dance classes
The closest I come to a runner's high is when I'm: brainstorming ideas; taking portraits
If I won first prize in a talent show, it would be for: what, right now? no idea

The next step is comparing each side by side and declaring a 'winner', then moving "round the world" style until you have one overall winner.

For one thing, this list was kind of hard for me. I've never been good at favorites, ultimates, or instant answers to these kinds of questions.

Some of the answers are pretty dumb, in that they're easy to eliminate from my "true passions." --Gymnastics was a pipe dream that I realized was futile at 13.
--Dancing is wonderful, I love it. But I don't have talent, time or money to pursue it. (I happened to walk past the Capezio store the other day and looked with longing at the photos and outfits.)
--I only sing when people aren't listening.
--I'm not always a very neat person. But I get such a kick out of making a big old mess, dumping everything out, and then sorting through, cleaning up, and making it all organized. But I don't have the drive or desire to make a hobby or career out of it.
--I'm not very good at baking or crocheting; they're fun hobbies to play with sometimes.
--Travel is definitely a passion of mine. I don't think it's a career possibility, though. Regardless, I will continue to 'pursue' it as a hobby. (We're talking about a late spring Europe trip for next year, in fact.)
--I love brainstorming. I don't think you can do that as a job.
--The big duh winner is photography.

See, I knew that already. Which rarely happens for me. But there are still problems. Observe:

(One)
I worry that I'm incompetent.
(Two)
I worry that this is just a phase and temporary obsession.
(Three)
On the other hand, I began photographing outside of hobby-land in early 2009, and it's almost the end of 2012.
(Four)
So Jesus Christ, shouldn't I be further along by now?
(Five)
Oh god, does that mean I'm terrible?
(Six)
I have a real website.
(Seven)
It probably sucks.
(Eight)
I don't have any marketing skills.
(Nine)
I can't bring myself to subscribe/read/buy all those internet marketing guides.
(Ten)
It's really beyond my purview right now anyway, as
(Eleven)
I don't have any clients.
(Twelve)
I want clients.
(Thirteen)
But I don't want just anything; I do believe I'm worth being paid fairly for my skill and time.
(Fourteen)
There are people paying thousands of dollars for photography. I'm not worth that (yet), but I think I'm worth at least hundreds or so.
(Fifteen)
I don't have an "in" to my target market with friends or family. And/or I'm too chicken to bug people about it.
(Sixteen)
I want to be successful.
(Seventeen)
You can't swing a camera in New York without hitting five photographers, at least three of whom are probably better than me.
(Eighteen)
I have seen some photographers' work that I am comfortable saying I'm as good as if not better.
(Nineteen)
But most of them are better.
(Twenty)
Should I beg and plead to become a free third-shooter?
(Twenty-one)
But when would I have time for that? I'm already working six days a week.
(Twenty-two)
And yet I'm still poor.

happy sunday

2011-11-20T21:54:00.003-05:00

I swear I have thoughtful posts in the hopper. If hopper refers to the edges of my brain.

This weekend I did baby shoots both days.

I'm really ready for some days off.

when are we?

2011-11-19T23:48:00.003-05:00

I am terrible with time. Must stem from my terrible memory. I rarely know what day it is (kind of fun when I suddenly realize or remember that it's Friday; less so when I think it's time for the weekend on Monday night), and in my head I'm usually a few months behind.

So the fact that it's suddenly dark by 5pm is not only surprising, but downright depressing. How is it that late in the year already? I guess it's winter. This week I had to break out a hat, and on a couple days I needed gloves, at least in the evening. Except that tomorrow will be 63, what's up with that?

It's also a bummer for photos. Taking a picture every day is easier when there's still several hours of daylight to play with after getting home from work. Now that that's out of the question, I've been phoning it in. Literally, with my iPhone camera. Here's a shot from Friday morning, which was sunny and crisp and the perfect late fall day.

hush your face, siri

2011-11-18T21:36:00.003-05:00

The whole talking phone thing creeps me out. Here's why.

1. What, can't we talk to people anymore?!

2. It's called an encyclopedia. Or, you know, the entire internet. You're telling me that a kid who's curious about a particular animal is going to ask a phone-bot instead of looking it up on wikipedia?

3. It's like we're living in the future--the bad future. Didn't the Terminator movies teach anyone anything?! Is it really a good idea to start having conversations (well, two-sided ones; who hasn't yelled at their computer?) with our technology? College Humor once again nails it (NSFW ).

nine years ago...

2011-11-17T19:03:00.003-05:00

...the Thursday before Thanksgiving, our AmeriCorps *NCCC term ended.

I'm pretty sure I've babbled before, many times, about the crazy, incredible adventures of that year. It was the hardest and most amazing thing I'd ever done. My team put up with my weird and crazy self--I am much less crazy now, if you can believe it; I was pretty up and down all the time that year. And since I'd always had family issues, I couldn't believe how it felt to have these people as my new family. Through good times and bad, I knew they would be a part of me forever. God bless them, they still talk to me all these years later.

One of the boys always sends out an email at this time saying hi and giving updates. The other day after getting the email, I put up a note on Facebook. Most of my wonderful teammates responded with brief memories and snapshots from our year together. It made me so happy to read these--not just the nostalgia, but it was like suddenly hearing other people speak your own language again. NCCC lives mostly in my head and in all my photos (I took 33 rolls of film in ten months! Back then that was a lot. Now, of course, I take that in one long trip.), so to hear (well, read) other people referencing the same things, it's like, oh yeah, that all really happened, I didn't imagine it, look at these great people that I shared those things with. I was filled with love for my teammates.

Such a gift! Happy nine years, friends. I can't wait to see everyone all together again soon.

fall is ending soon

2011-11-16T19:47:00.000-05:00

So here's a photo of my neighborhood to remember it by.

the state of my wallet

2011-11-15T20:12:00.003-05:00

Today my paycheck included a huge reimbursement.

Tonight I paid off the credit card that's been carrying a balance since June (payments and charges since then).

I also paid the first bill in full for the new JetBlue American Express card that I got. (I wonder where I'll take my free trip next year?!)

I even have some money left over. (Of course, it will go toward expenses at the end of the month.)

It may be another month before I fully feel the relief to be in balance again. (Maybe I will find a few dollars for my long-neglected Roth IRA?)

Phew. (Whew.)

logic

2011-11-14T23:45:00.003-05:00

A year or two ago I bought this 'light and easy' sudoku book, and this week I got through the 140 of them (ten more are 'moderate')! I completed 92 of them, and the rest I either messed up or abandoned.

I've gone weeks or months without doing any puzzles. But for the last week or so, I was really in a zone; I kept doing sudoku instead of finding books to read. I realized that I did it for all three hours of a long commute day the other day! It's kind of hypnotic, thinking about those damn squares.

I bought a new book yesterday--it's empty and waiting!

the state of my bum

2011-11-13T23:45:00.005-05:00

On Friday, I did something very exciting. I came home from the gym and did this:

I have a little calender where I give myself a sticker every time I work out or am active. (Like on Saturday, where we walked probably three miles around town, even though it wasn't taxing.) That visual reward seems to work fairly well for me.

Though I'd been faithful about going to the gym once a week since we joined last September, in April I realized that it wasn't making much of a difference. I told myself I needed to go twice a week. And except for a really busy end of August, I have kept up with that.

So even though it doesn't mean anything numbers-wise, it's kind of exciting to finish off a whole sheet of stickers and know that it represents me working out or at least working on a goal of being more active!

What about results? Yeah...I don't know about that. I take a phone shot of the scale after my workout (at the gym; we don't have one at home), so that I could see/track any changes. I haven't been scientific about it, but recently I saw one from last October, and I was around 143. Now I'm around 148. And for a few weeks I was just over 150! That is the very highest range for me, and it's a little depressing to know that I've gained weight over the last year, while working out.

I am in my thirties now (I'm 32! What the heck!), and I've started to see the truth in the metabolism slow-down that happens. I'd hoped that by kicking up the workouts a bit, that would help. I guess not so much. Though I do use weights and when I was young I felt pretty muscular. In my head I'm still like that; the mirror sometimes tells me a different story. (But some days, like Friday, I was feeling kind of good about the reflection. But maybe that's just the flattering workout clothes. In my pj's I promise I look and feel fatter.)

Which brings me to another goal for 2011: track everything I eat for a week. Just because.

I searched on my iPhone for an app and the first one I saw was SparkPeople. It's a whole diet and fitness tracker, which is way more than I was looking for. (I hate the word diet and I've never been on one, and I don't ever plan to start.) But I was game for the challenge and gave it a go.

I actually kept it up for two or three weeks. The food tracking was kind of fun, in a sorting kind of way. And it was interesting to know how many calories were in the things that I eat. (I was impressed every time I ate a banana or apple or salad how few calories are in Real Food.) It took me a week to realize that my daily calorie goal was 1570-1920 and how low that is! That's not a lot of food. (Again, Real Food helps. So does water. [Oh my goodness, two weeks ago I suddenly tried water with half a fresh squeezed lemon--so delicious!]) But it makes sense, since that's a diet program, that you have to cut down on calories, or at least manage them.

I found two things, neither of which are surprising:
1. A few times I decided not to eat a snack or extra nibble because I knew I had to keep track of it.
2. There were plenty of times that I was full or at least not hungry, and therefore didn't need to eat. Some days I was a little surprised at how few items were on my list of meals/snacks.

And a third duh one: Going out to eat really screws you up! There were a couple times that we went out and my calories were over 3,000 for the day!

Baking doesn't help either. Or parties. Last week at our party I had lots of nachos and two pieces of that delicious Costco cake. This past week I've had more cake, plus cookies and brownies. My tummy thanks me but my thighs won't!

The fitness tracker was also fun; I liked burning more than the "daily goal" in my trip to the gym. (Though I was irritated that you only get credit for calories in cardio and not for strength as well; that's not fair.) They give you suggested exercises and you can watch demos too. I sometimes feel at a loss with free weights and abs (because I do the same few things every time), so I was glad to have some new suggestions. I started tracking some more things with the GPS on RunKeeper and found that I do a fair amount of walking in general, just to the train and around to errands and things. I should get a pedometer; that would help motivate me to keep moving.

This past week I petered out on the whole thing. I didn't exactly have a goal when I started; I was curious about my eating habits. I'm not sure that I want to or need to continue tracking (that's a lot of effort for not dieting).

I do have some takeaways that I need to be better about focusing on:
1. I would like to get back to 145 at the highest, closer to 140 if possible.
2. To do that, I need to be active three times a week.
3. I need to be better about eating fruit and veggies.
4. I'm a grazer; sometimes I feel like I eat all day long. I need to temper that with more water and healthier snacks. (Nuts are great, but man, they will eat up your calories!)
5. I also need to eat less often and pay attention to the times that I am or am not hungry.

another day, another park

2011-11-12T23:47:00.002-05:00

(Central Park)

Two days off in a row! I love it!

fall day

2011-11-11T23:56:00.003-05:00

I took today off, and took myself to the Brooklyn Botanic Garden. Did you know that it's free on weekdays for the season? I wandered around for a couple hours enjoying the fall colors.

Happy 11/11/11!

stuck

2011-11-10T20:43:00.003-05:00

Tonight I got on the 4 train and sat down near a mom and kid. The little boy was doing his homework. I peeked at his notebook and I think he was in third grade. He was so little and adorable. He was one of those boys--we've all had a million of them--who is kind of disorganized and scatterbrained, always losing papers, has sloppy uneven handwriting, is a little unkempt, and who is small in size but not in heart. It was almost impossible to A) not put my arm around him and B) ask if he wanted some help with his math.

A few weeks ago--more like a month really?--I visited a school and got to teach a class about our program. They were sixth graders (I taught 6th graders for four years), and they were so small and goofy and earnest. It was so much fun to teach them again! All of my teacher instincts came back, my teacher voice, I found myself doing my quiet signal.

I was all psyched up afterward, like I used to be after one of my long teaching days. I felt like I missed teaching.

Looking back on my own experience, and reading about other teachers' experiences, I really don't know how good a teacher I ever was. I think I had moments of good, but I don't think my students knew me enough or trusted me enough. Every year I came to love almost all of them, but I wasn't the right kind of caring to them. And what does it mean that there were always a few kids I really didn't like? Aren't teachers supposed to be above that? (In my head I roll my eyes and remind myself that teachers are human too.) Or at least able to fake it enough? Oh, and how about that I was never good with the parents? I often felt like I was doing everything wrong on that front.

So yeah, I don't know. Teaching is still in my head; I guess it will never go away. I know I don't want to teach in New York. I often wonder in the back of my mind if I'd ever try again living in a new place.

None of this is news to you. But if you're out there reading this, chances are you're either a teacher now or you were one. Maybe I need advice, though I don't know about what, exactly.

2011-11-09T22:51:00.003-05:00

Former President Clinton is pretty articulate and smart. (As opposed to the "candidate" Herman Cain.) Watch him on the Daily Show:

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart

Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c

Bill Clinton Pt. 1

www.thedailyshow.com

Daily Show Full Episodes

Political Humor & Satire Blog

The Daily Show on Facebook

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart

Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c

Bill Clinton Pt. 2

www.thedailyshow.com

Daily Show Full Episodes

Political Humor & Satire Blog

The Daily Show on Facebook

dessert

2011-11-08T19:28:00.006-05:00

Today was a better day, so to celebrate it let's talk sweets.

Remember those apples we picked? Last month I did get around to making a pie--an apple crumb, to be precise. I bought the crust, chopped the apples, pulsed some stuff in the food processor, and bam, delicious!

We still had a handful of apples left over, so a week or two after the first one, I tried another recipe. This was an apple crisp. It was also delicious!

Almost forgot--made some seasonal sugar cookies for the party last week (bats, trees, and hearts). They were a hit at the office yesterday.

Last and certainly not least, I bought myself a Costco cake for my birthday. :) YUM!

I hate today

2011-11-07T17:57:00.001-05:00

Someone linked to this post yesterday: It's Okay if You Suck at This

I woke up on a bad note today (by a loud noise on our roof--it happens every fucking morning) and then the afternoon got worse as I felt confused and frustrated, and then even more so when Excel proved too much for me. I am over it. (Not Excel, but the day.) It feels like everything started going badly and then I spun myself into a funk. And this doesn't happen at work, at least I don't recall so.

So I came home and ate cookies and faced the fact that while I need a good rant or fit (or a good workout, if I was a healthier person), I have a bunch of photos that I have to process tonight.

It is really frustrating that it seems like I'm working all the time and yet I am so fucking poor. Over. It.

party animal

2011-11-06T20:04:00.003-05:00

I made a goal to host two "parties" this year. I kind of hate the word 'party' because in my head, it conjures up:
--a child's birthday party
--popular high school people
--a lot of people
--noise, crowds, dancing

And I do not have (or in the last case, want) any of those things. So "gathering" is a better word, I guess? But that sounds pretentious.

Two Christmases ago, we had a pretty big gathering at our place, and there was like a total of 30 people who came and went over the course of the evening. That was fun and pretty exciting. There was a lot of wine consumed!

I wanted to do one at the end of May with some former colleagues to celebrate spring and the end of t3sting season, but I never got around to it and I was afraid none of them really liked me after all and no one would show up.

I decided to do a little thing for my birthday. I sent out the invites a good month in advance, since it's such a crazy busy time of year. As always, I was worried no one would come, or even worse, that only a couple people would come. It turned out to be 10-12 or so, which was a nice number. It was a pretty quiet evening, but that's kind of standard, I guess. Anyway, it was fun, and there was cake. I really appreciated that some people made it!

One excellent side benefit of having people over is that it forces me to look at our apartment without my blinders on. I gave away a stack of things that had been piled in a corner for weeks. I moved some little things so the edges of floors were clearer. It made our place look so much more streamlined and attractive! I am motivated to continue keeping things as de-cluttered as possible. Which means continue getting rid of and organizing all the crap that I have.

down with pop culture

2011-11-05T19:06:00.006-04:00

I've long hated reality television. I remember when Survivor started and all the drama that was shown in advertising clips--I found it distasteful and uncomfortable. I used to watch MTV's Road Rules (fun! adventures!) and Real World, back when they tried to force the people to have a job and do something. There were a few casting specials, and I remember that the producers were fairly transparent about choosing people who would make a good story (ie, stir the pot and cause scenes).

Now there are all these awful shows that venerate ridiculous yelling and drama, or even violence and bad behavior. Take this with a boulder of salt because I don't watch any of them, but when I see ads for Bad Girls' Club, the Real Housewives, Jersey Shore, those kind of shows, my lip curls in disgust. It's seriously gross what these shows do for the media, and don't do for humanity.

Today someone posted this article on Facebook: "Why Kim Kardashian's Divorce is Good for America and Women."

An excerpt:

So, what do these shows teach us? To start, that all a groom needs to qualify as “Prince Charming” is a fat wallet (why, hello there, “Joe Millionaire”). That “every girl” wants to—and can--become a “princess” bride, so long as she is skinny, vapid, and emotionally undemanding (the longest-running dating franchise, ABC’s “The Bachelor” and “The Bachelorette,” set this template early). TV networks have collaborated with embedded advertisers to convince us that the only thing "real women" should aspire to is becoming “Mrs. Something” (as a former Miss USA contestant put it on “Who Wants to Marry My Dad"). And that ludicrously expensive weddings are the key to lifelong happiness, no matter what happens behind the scenes.

It’s tempting to laugh all this off as harmless fluff, but the impact is real. Dating shows in particular portray women as bitchy, catty and desperate. These shows also tend to exclude intellectual, professionally accomplished women--preferring contestants like a bubby 24-year-old on "The Bachelor," who promised she’d “make the best wife” because “I will be a servant to him.” According to a recent Girl Scouts survey of 1,100 girls, young women who regularly watch reality TV are more likely than non-viewers to “accept and expect a higher level of drama, aggression, and bullying” in their lives. They’re also significantly more likely to believe that “It’s in girls’ nature to be catty and competitive with one another,” that "It’s hard for me to trust other girls,” and that girls “have to compete for a guy’s attention.”

The article linked to this article about a new documentary that I want to see but also sounds really difficult to watch:

It makes me sad and angry that shows like this exist, that they have huge viewerships, franchises, and "fame." It seems like they multiply every year, and the producers manufacture more and more drama, and the American populace grows dumber and grosser every time they grin delightedly when watching shows about people being shitheads. People think they can be complete assholes and instigate all kinds of ridiculousness, while claiming "I'm just honest!" I hate all of it.

I do watch the Amazing Race, which is technically a reality show. And there is certainly an element of drama that they highlight as teams bicker or fight with each other or with other teams. And I hate those parts. They make me really unhappy and uncomfortable. Happily, most of the show revolves around interesting tasks in interesting places all around the globe, and I feel that overall, the show is about growth, personal strength, team unity, and endurance rather than showing off how mean people can be to each other.

I know it's stupid to get upset about something 'trivial' like television, but as that article points out, the effects on the viewers are real, and they are not good. I really want to find a way to just stop the stupidity.

2011-11-04T23:44:00.003-04:00

Today's BlogHer prompt: When you are writing, do you prefer to use a pen or a computer?

It depends. For 'academic' writing, definitely computer. If there's a certain volume of material, it's just so much faster and efficient. I learned to type when I was a kid (on the PAWS program, back in the days of 5 1/2" floppies!), so I'm a quick typist (my students used to be in awe of me!).

But for certain creative things, nothing beats an actual writing utensil. If I need to work something out, like a creative idea or something, the tactileness (is that a word?) of holding a pen or pencil helps me think. Trying to type a creative idea feels colder, more impersonal, less easy to flow. And I do love me a list! I use the notepad feature on my iPhone, but it's definitely lacking in the ability to cross things off. (Obviously there are more apps for that, but eh, seemed like too much work to find the right one and make it work.)

I'd been thinking about organization lately. When I started at this job a year ago, I used a white legal pad. I'm almost through my third one now. But it wasn't very organized. Sometimes I made lists, sometimes I took notes from meetings or calls, I wrote phone numbers occasionally. It never felt very happy, organization-wise. A few weeks ago I finally felt frustrated enough to start thinking about other options.

Happily, I asked a colleague while on a work trip, and she showed me her planner. It's this one from Staples. Do you see the genius of it? The left side has a space for each day, but the right side is all notes. It's fantastic! We went to Staples and I found one on sale since it's already the end of the year, planner-selling-wise. I've been using it for a few weeks, and I love it! I make a list each day, and I check off my tasks as I complete them. I have space for notes during the week, about projects or ideas or what have you. My colleague uses earlier dates to take longer notes and then makes a 'table of contents' at the front. So on a team call, she dates the page and takes notes, and then marks that meeting at the front. Pretty smart, but I don't think I have a need for that quite yet.

Anyway, the pen/pencil/real writing factor makes my work life very clean, very easy, and very satisfying!

things i've done so much in real life that i did them in my sleep

2011-11-03T12:36:00.002-04:00

(in chronological order of occurrence)
1. play tetris

2. an uneven parallel bars routine

3. paint walls

4. teach
4a. write lesson plans
4b. discipline students

How about you?

to blog or not to blog

2011-11-02T19:12:00.002-04:00

That's been a question at the back of my mind for a few months now.

One of my goals for 2011 was to post something here at least once a week. Which I did, for over half the year. Though, many of the posts were lacking in meaningful content...I guess I was trying to cultivate a habit?

Sidebar: It really bugs me when someone writes, "New blog up today!" Blog=blog post. You most certainly did not create an entirely new blog on the internet today; you wrote a post on your existing blog. /end mild rant.

Remember that this thing began as a geocities site eleven years ago when I did my summer abroad. For the next couple years, I rambled about who knows what. Then there was AmeriCorps--full of adventures and excitement (both positive and negative) ripe for the telling. Finally, I moved to New York and started teaching. Back then, when no one was reading, this was a great way for me to reflect and record my lessons, student behavior, whatever random shit was floating through my mind. There was a clear purpose, a clear intent, and plenty of material; it was more a matter of time and effort to type it all out.

But now...most of the time I can't think of anything to say. In fact, here is an entire post about not knowing what to post about. There is no material, no purpose, and I'm not sure if there's an effort.

It's November 2nd, the second day of the annual 30-day writing challenge. Technically I could try doing the bloggy version and see if I can dredge up a new life for this dusty e-tome. We'll see.

Happy Birthday to Me!

2011-11-01T08:42:00.000-04:00

It's my birthday today!

When I turned thirty, I dressed up and jumped at the Brooklyn Bridge.

Last year I tried to do thirty-one jumps on my thirty-first birthday, while wearing a cute dress. That plan...was a little overzealous, but I did get eight. :)

I'm excited to announce here the completion of one of my 2011 goals--thirty-one jumps before my thirty-second birthday. These jumps comprise different boroughs, states, and countries over three and a half seasons of the year. Hurray for jumping and birthdays!

Happy...

2011-10-31T21:57:00.002-04:00

If you're around and reading this, thank you! May your All Hallow's Eve be filled with merriment and candy!

pst, This is not my pumpkin. I found it in my neighborhood last year. Isn't it awesome?

the state of my things

2011-10-29T13:18:00.004-04:00

Y'all, I am so poor.

Somehow this summer became the most expensive summer other than the wedding.
I had some two cavities filled (I'm on the husband's insurance, which covered more than half),
I bought some much-needed shoes (three pairs, for work and not),
I bought several train tickets and air tickets for work (which is reimbursed but after I pay the credit card bill),
I got new glasses (I hadn't gotten new frames in SEVEN YEARS, and the whole thing was under $150; I also got new contacts which were covered by insurance),
I spent a lot on our vacation (but the husband spent even more),
I bought clothes at the outlet mall (I now have two new pairs of jeans: I've had the same two pairs for 4 and 7 years, so I think some new ones are well-deserved).

I haven't been able to catch up on my credit card bills--I pay a big chunk, and then somehow I end up charging almost the same amount again. This happened when I first moved to NYC (except even more), and it took a year to get clear of that and get my expenses under control. And that was with an actual salary!

A couple weeks ago was my one-year anniversary at my job. Which is great--I love the people that I work with, the work is interesting and varied. However, I do not have a salary--I'm an hourly consultant, which means I have to pay my own taxes. I'm clearing less than $2000 a month (many months far less)--less than what I made per paycheck that first year teaching. If I were living in NYC by myself on this money...well, I couldn't and I would have moved back to Washington.

Happily, the husband makes real money and we split our shared expenses by percentage rather than by dollar amount. Which leaves some money for my own expenses...which keep outpacing the incoming dollars.

The other day I suddenly thought to myself--wait a minute, I'm making less than $30,000 a year, I'll get a huge refund! I can use that to help pay for an incredible trip I found out about! All my problems will be solved! Then I crashed down to earth and remembered that we're married filing jointly, so my paltry pittance is added to the boy's relatively giant pile of cash. So the government doesn't care how poor I am and they'll be keeping all my tax money after all. I started feeling panicky and seriously depressed about my situation. So far I've just been trying not to think too much about it, and maybe I haven't been strict enough in restraining spending.

Sigh. It sucks. Especially because I wanted to finally get some framing done on things that have been waiting for years. Getting things professionally framed is a very expensive, grown-up thing to do. Hence, I've never done it! I have a beautiful print from Prague (FIVE YEARS AGO) that needs framing, an Aboriginal Australian painting (from four years ago), and we got a little painting in Greece earlier this year too. These have been sitting in corners for YEARS and for pete's sake, it's time to get them up on the walls already! And I was ready to suck it up and just get them done! But holy crap, there's just no money for it after all.

One thing that I am proud of is the clutter-busting. A week or two (or more? I've lost track) I got more work done clearing out some piles. That means, of course, those piles have become giveaway piles, so they're sitting somewhere else. But it's on its way out! I promise!

There is still a lot of work to do. At least decluttering is free.

zzzzz

2011-10-23T23:24:00.002-04:00

This past week was busy in the office, then I had a three day business trip, and then more babies today, and I have a very full week ahead. I'm tired. Boo hoo, poor me.

Oh, and the business trip had no time for the beach, AND the hotel hallway would have made for some sweet photos, but there was no time for that either. :/ I did finish up another roll of film though, while at lunch with some colleagues.

I survived my travel nightmare--a flight with neither book nor craft (I forgot them in my checked bag)! Fortunately I had a letter to finish and a laptop with Netflix movies.

On the first flight I started reading The Happiness Project, and I'm really enjoying it. It's inspiring and thought-provoking. (But also kind of depressing in some ways, because I have so much work to do in that area--figuring out good things and working to expand them.)

That is also my 90th book in 2011! I've got a pile of library books plus one for next month's FYA book club. I want to make sure my 100th book is something special, so I might have to plan ahead or plumb my various to-read lists.

Speaking of crafts, I realized that it's mid-October (oh shit, creeping toward end of October already), and last year by this time I'd made a holiday craft-gift list and gotten started. I'm working on a super cozy scarf, but that's not necessarily a gift. So I suppose I need to start thinking about any craft gifts? I have forbidden myself from buying yarn, but the volumes of yarn I do have I don't necessarily love. The challenge then will be to stash-bust intelligently. Hmm.

buzz buzz busy bee

2011-10-19T09:38:00.000-04:00

So I meant to write in August why I wouldn't be writing more in August, but things were busy and then it turned into September and more busy and I'm working six days a week and well, I just kept not getting around to the blog.

First, we went to Virginia for what was supposed to be a long weekend.

That was thwarted by the weather, so we came back to NYC for the "hurricane." Since we went by train, we figured it would be better to hunker down back home instead of wait out any track floods/repairs.

That actually ended up being a great weekend. I was at home, all day, for two whole days! Got to hang out with the husband and Ms M, who was staying with us for a bit.

A few days later, I went to Florida for a work trip. First of all, BEACH! But even better, I totally heart everyone I work with. It was a great time--not just the work meetings, but the after-meetings drinks and meals.

Plus, I had a bit of time to walk on the beach!!

Two days after I got back from Florida, we left for a week in Oregon. First, a couple days in Portland:

Then, a couple days in Crater Lake:

The day after we got back, I went back to work. Did I ever mention here the baby photography I started doing in July? I'm working with a company who does newborn photos in hospitals. I worked two days a week in the summer (while working four days at my regular job), but after September started, I do only Sundays (and I'm back to five days at the day job).

So last weekend was extra special--not just the mini trip, but also that I took the weekend off from photos, and then took Columbus Day too. It was wonderful to have time off to relax!

A is for Apple

2011-10-18T09:15:00.001-04:00

As part of our mini-Berkshire adventure, we also went apple picking!

It was our first time.

There were so many apples! Lots of the good ones seemed higher up.

We picked varieties we'd never heard of before; I think these are Blushing Golden. They are deliciously crisp, but that could just be the freshness.

We also got some green apples to make a pie-related dessert. We were supposed to make it this weekend, but time got away. So I guess I'll need to do it this week before they go too bad. Eep, pie scares me!

bowlarama

2011-10-17T00:04:00.004-04:00

Last weekend we took a mini-road trip up to the Berkshires. We did several fun things, one of which was bowling at this charmingly low-key place near our motel.

We played two games. In the first game, I did really bad--only 49! But I got a strike in there. The second game was much better: 75, with TWO strikes plus a spare!

The husband of course did much better. He got a total of three strikes and like 6 spares.

Bowling is a good time! This place also had a little indoor mini-golf, which we decided not to do this time.

some progress

2011-10-15T22:20:00.007-04:00

First, apropos of nothing: here's an adorable kitty we saw today!

We also found a gorgeous, ridiculously cushy sofa...but we're not sure it will fit through the door. With the door on, there's an extra quarter inch of theoretical space. Do you think that will work?

Apropos of the title: a few months ago, I posted about some of my magazines and teacher stuff, how I have too much of it, what to do with it. I did end up posting on freecycle and craigslist. Even though I had a handful of responses, nothing worked out. So the bags continued to sit in the hallway.

A few weeks ago, in a fit of fall-cleaning pique, I re-listed them on craigslist and freecycle. Once again, I got a bunch of responses and then no one actually wrote back after a second email! What is wrong with people? Happily, the last responder, from craigslist, did write back and though it took a few days, they actually picked up the magazines as well as some of the fun stuff (a few workbooks, some BrainQuest, a MadLibs or two, etc).

I was still left with two bags of test prep materials. I kept thinking that someone could use it, and there must be a way to find that someone. Teachers need stuff! Kids need stuff! Etc!

This week, though, I said eff it, it's time for it to go. And off it went to the recycle bin in the sky! (Or technically, the basement.)

Check out how many paperclips were hiding in the piles of all that paper.

This is a big deal, friends. That shit has been hanging around for months! The floors in our hallway and foyer are clear!

Next up is getting a bag of clothes donated and another bag of clothes to the textile donation.

Recently I've realized that it's October (I remember this at least twice a week), and I've been panicking a bit about my year goals. One of them was to do something about my AmeriCorps ed award. This week I've come up with some practical but also potentially AWESOME plans for it. I need to think more and talk to some people, but ooh, exciting! Sometimes I have a really hard time getting out of my head and out of a rut, so forcing myself to do some new things could be an amazing kick in the ass and in life.

blue chip

2011-10-08T00:11:00.003-04:00

Don't you think that teachers should get, like, stripes? Epaulet stars? Letter bars? Some kind of mark of their heroism and dedication? Veteran teachers would be just covered in shiny acknowledgements. Greener teachers would be dazzled by their experience.

This is my second year as a not teacher. Lately I've been thinking that those of us out of teaching should get some kind of chip to acknowledge our past work but also the challenge of transitioning to a more civilian life, if you will. The healing process, the trying to escape or ignore the ever-persistent teaching dreams, the relinquishing of office supply stashes.

Happy fall, everyone.

the paper anniversary

2011-08-15T10:04:00.002-04:00

He is my husband.

He is so handsome!
He loves me, and sees the best in me.
He gives the best hugs.
He is strong, physically and emotionally.
When he gets frazzled, he lets me talk and calm him down.
When I get frazzled (which happens much more frequently), he gives me a hug and listens to me and tries to make me feel better.
He smells really good.
He likes to travel and is a great travel companion.
He's a great roommate--he always does his dishes and puts his clothes away.
He's forgiving when I'm not so quick with my own tidying.
He is health-conscious.
He makes up goofy songs about mundane things and sings them to me.
He works really hard, and always puts his all into everything he does.
He supports me emotionally.
He occasionally supports me financially.
He has never ever questioned or even blinked at my quirks.
Our hands fit perfectly together.
He's always up for adventure.
He is happy to have an at-home lounge day.
He is amazing at Rock Band.
He says silly things to make me laugh.
He is ever so patient with my photo things--happy to pose for me, willing to wait if I stop to take pictures.
He is passionate about sports.
He knows everything about government, American and British.
He is a smart cookie in general.
He makes me feel beautiful and special.

He is my husband of one year, and I am so happy for it. I can't wait for more years together.

butterfly

2011-08-11T23:18:00.000-04:00

I know some people that are social butterflies, who have a million friends, who have weekend plans a month in advance, who get together even during the week!

I have never been one of those people. I'm more of a social larva. While I was teaching, doing anything during the week just never made sense; I was too busy and tired. But also, I've never really had a lot of friends. I can be really outgoing, I can be a leader...but it's much easier to be strong, loud and in charge when the people around you are pre-teens. I found that after being a leader all day long in my job, I wanted to hang back and let another grown-up take a crack at it, so I could relax a bit. And so around strangers, I am often quiet and shy. Usually I have plenty to say, I just don't always feel up to saying it.

I always want to have friends, and make friends. That's really hard to do as an adult. Or at all, really. It's all about propinquity--who's around you. The friends I still have from college, we all lived in the same dorm. Then I befriended some teachers at my school (who have since moved away, gotten married, and had babies). Happily, a couple teacher-blog friends became real-life friends, and that expanded into flickr friends who became real-life friends.

But just meeting people? Finding friends on one's own? I don't know how to do that.

So I try to be open to possibilities that other people put together. For instance, in the winter, there was an AmeriCorps Alums event at a bar. I ended up finding some other NCCC folks and we happily chatted for a couple hours. We've gone to a party or two, and ended up talking to fun people that I wish could become friends. Have you done that--met a person at a social event but then took the initiative to establish contact? Like, I want to say, "You seem like a neat person. Be my friend." I am occasionally great at being a one-hour party friend, but I've never been able to make that stick into a real thing.

And then sometimes I just can't do any of it. There was another AmeriCorps Alums event this summer, in a different bar. I was really excited for it, since the previous one had been so successful. I walked up to the bar, and it was completely jammed with people. I tried to steel myself, and walked in. I kind of looked around like I was supposed to be there, was meeting someone there, was not just a loner loser trying to find people to latch onto...

And turned around and walked out. I couldn't do it. I was exhausted and shy just thinking about the effort to find the right group of people and trying to be all perky. So, defeated, I went home and watched tv.

Earlier this week, I read about a book club meet-up on Forever Young Adult, a blog that talks about all things YA (books, tv, movies). The assigned book was one I'd already read and loved, Beauty Queens. There was a meeting in my borough, not very far away. I put it on my calendar and hoped I might have the resolve to go.

It was scheduled for last night. I was so tired yesterday that I left work a little early and actually took a nap. I waffled on whether I had the energy--mental or physical--to go out and meet strangers. But with my resolve to get out there and try to meet potential friends, I figured I had to at least try. I knew that I'd have some things in common with people, at least! I can talk about books for days.

So I went. I almost didn't find the people, and almost right away was struck with that lost, stomach-butterfly feeling of being a loser. But! someone else noticed me holding a book and looking around. Together we found the others (helpfully with a sign). There were only four of us total, which meant that we had plenty of time to talk about all kinds of things book-related. I got some great recommendations and gave some as well.

I felt energized while there and afterward--proud of myself for getting out there, happy to find people with similar tastes and mindsets, excited to talk about books I love or hate.

I'm hoping that this book club will continue and that I can juggle that as well as my other YA book club. Dare I say it, I'm also hoping that I can make some more friends. I really should be butterflying out there, finding new and interesting people to visit with.

Now though, it's late and I want to curl up with a book. Good night, friends.

cobberilific

2011-08-10T22:01:00.003-04:00

Ms M is back in NYC for the summer! She stayed with us for a bit, and brought back a big bag of freshly-picked blueberries after a weekend trip. She suggested we make a cobbler with them. I was nervous; I've been too scared of baking pie and pie-related things. However, cobbler is super easy, and the recipe we found was delicious.

You just throw the berries in with some sugar, cornstarch and lemon juice, and dump it into a pie plate.

Then you mix the topping dough by hand (no mixer or fancy tools needed) and drop it on top of the berries, and put the whole thing into the oven!

Oh my goodness, it was so, so good. Especially warm with vanilla ice cream. I highly recommend this recipe--the topping has cinnamon in it! The other recipes I perused didn't and I'm sure they couldn't have been as yummy.

Last week I couldn't stop thinking about the delicious cobbler and also that strawberry cobbler sounded really good. So over the weekend, we made one!

The strawberries needed a bit of pre-cooking, in a pot with the sugar and cornstarch, and some water. It made for a gooey paste of sweet deliciousness, which then was covered with that delicious topping!

Oh my goodness, it was amazing. YUM.

oh snap

2011-07-19T17:31:00.003-04:00

Where did the time go?!

I keep remembering that it's JULY now, for crying out loud, and just feeling like that's insane. I guess since I don't have school as a frame of time or day reference, everything is just blurring together.

Speaking of school, since I wrote that long rambling post about teaching dreams, I haven't had any. Maybe I just needed to get it all out of my head in some other medium?

I baked a cake this weekend, and made buttercream frosting.

I'm currently reading my 65th book of the year.

It is really hot outside. I am so, so grateful to have a working air-conditioner.

This week I'm starting a new part-time gig as a baby photographer. Not so much for the pay, but for the experience. Today I did a training thing and I start for real on Friday.

cookie time

2011-07-09T10:16:00.000-04:00

I've mentioned that one of my 2011 goals is to try one new recipe a month. (I missed one in April, which can be forgiven because I was out of the country for half of it.) Extra bonus because I can bring the results to the office, where they are convinced I'm a great baker. Ha!

Anyway, this week there was a barbecue at the office, for my supervisor who is moving away (but staying with the company). We had the barbecue on our patio (yet another great thing about this company), and it was originally a potluck. So I figured it would be a perfect time to try out something new and hopefully tasty.

When we were at Costco last, I got some dried cherries. Later on, I thought about adding them to chocolate chip cookies, but a colleague suggested oatmeal cherry cookies instead! Doesn't that sound delicious?

I'm sure it would be...unfortunately that was not meant to be, as the husband has eaten almost all of the cherries. :) (The grocery store across the street has all the dried cranberries in the world, and not a single dried cherry. Harrumph.) So I just went with oatmeal-chocolate chip cookies, as always from Slow Like Honey.

They turned out okay. I see why dried fruit is so much better with an oatmeal recipe. Oats are dry! I didn't even put in the full 3 cups of oats (more like 2 1/2) and they are very oaty. Could have used even more chocolate chips to balance the dry. I still would like to try them again with dried cherries! Today I was out and bought some nutmeg, as I noticed that coming up in other ingredients, and is a pretty common spice for cookies and cakes.

Of course, I made some banana bread also. I only had two large ripe bananas instead of three medium, and I think I can taste a difference. It doesn't seem as dense and moist and banana-y. But still pretty good!

again and again

2011-07-07T11:04:00.006-04:00

Last night I had a teaching dream. At first this might not be strange, but then you might remember that I haven't been a teacher in real life for an entire calendar year. It may or may not surprise you that despite the time away, teaching has never strayed very far.

In this dream, I had decided to start teaching again, and I was kind of happy about it. My students were the students I taught last year at Charter Elementary School, but they were two grades older. Later in the dream they morphed into my students at First Charter Middle School. And there was a specific cameo from a quiet girl whose name I couldn't remember. But she knew I was her former teacher and looked upset that I'd forgotten. I scoffed, well, sometimes I hardly remember my own name! She said her name was Sarah. [Later, after I'd woken up, I'd recognize her as one of my students at First Middle School, named Amanda.]

This was not the first teaching dream I've had in the past twelve months. A month or two ago, I dreamt that I was visiting a school (whose staff and students resembled First Charter Middle School, though the building didn't) and ended up interviewing with a male administrator. He seemed impressed with me, so did some female teachers I talked to, and I was happy as I walked out.

Over the months, I've had a number of other dreams where I was teaching, or pretending to teach, or supposed to be teaching.

On June 29 of last year, it was my first day of not ever being a teacher. I felt AMAZING. So happy, light, almost bodily relieved. I felt free.

On June 27 of this year, as I was trying to write a post like this, and looking through old photos of student field trips, I teared up for awhile. I'm not exactly sure why. I miss the kids? They were cute? We had some good times? It's so easy to forget the multitude of bad times. I've even forgotten most of the names of most of the kids.

I remember crying at the end of my second year, because I'd had such a better year than my nightmare first year, with some incredible kids that I was sad to leave. That was the only time I'd been that emotional about ending a student experience. (Oh, and those students graduated from high school this year.) The rest of the years I was exhausted and happy to have made it to summer.

There are so many amazing things about living a non-teacher life, but they're shallow things like sleeping in and not disciplining other people's children. Wait, I guess that's not so shallow? I don't know. Also the not grading papers or making lesson plans all the time. I still see things and have the "ooh, that would be a great classroom project!" thoughts.

There were two boys last year who continue to haunt me--one so much that I can't even say his name out loud. I can still hear his and his mother's voice in my head and occasionally relive the crazy conversations both awake and in dreams/nightmares. Partly because I wonder how I could have/should have dealt with things differently--what kind of difference would that have made? This was a child with serious issues, who made it the problem of everyone around him, and his family lied about the issues and other things, and enabled a lot of the situation. It ended up poisoning the experience of many of us in the class, especially the second student, who decided that he too could be rude, very disrespectful, and utterly, utterly defiant. Since the other one got away with it and everything. (Not because I didn't try every single thing I could, still with zero support.)

Remember that this doesn't include all the other behavior issues that I dealt with from many other students throughout the year. Jesus Christ, when I think about it, I can't believe I survived as well as I did.

It's pretty interesting that so many dreams involve First Charter School--an experience now almost three years in the past. Clearly I am not over it; I haven't forgiven myself for failing.

I took the photo above to symbolize taking a leap into the unknown, in respect to another aspect of my life. But I realized afterward that it fits perfectly into my teaching life. I jumped into that fairly blind; I never wanted to be a career teacher. Four years in, I took a huge, very blind leap into charter schools. And then, feeling like I was on a whole other kind of ledge, I gratefully stepped down. Without a plan, into the abyss of a completely new world.

Teaching is never far from my mind, especially because in this job I work with schools and teachers. Should I go back to teaching someday? Should I have never started teaching in the first place? I just don't know. Vague versions of this go through my mind all the time--and clearly it's weighing heavily on my subconscious.

I know this is all over the place, but so is my head.

Last Weekend

2011-07-05T14:23:00.004-04:00

FRIDAY

Union Square Greenmarket

Madison Square Park
Florencia 13

Peanut Butter & Co

Not Pictured: Bridesmaids

SUNDAY

Shake Shack

American Museum of Natural History

MONDAY

Rooftop fireworks

Way to go, American Education!

2011-07-02T12:01:00.003-04:00

Heh, you have to know that's sarcasm--has anyone used a line like that in sincerity, ever?

A study was recently done by Marist College, about some super-basic knowledge of American history. "Only 58% of residents know that the United States declared its independence in 1776. 26% are unsure, and 16% mentioned another date."

Even worse: "[F]or the second year, about one in four Americans doesn’t know from which country the United States declared its independence. While 76% correctly cite Great Britain, 19% are unsure, and 5% mention another country."

For both questions, people in the age group 18-29 had the highest percentage of incorrect answers.

No Child Left Behind started in 2001. Sure has done a good job, eh?

you did it!!!

2011-06-28T12:40:00.003-04:00

Congratulations, NYC friends!

You made it through another year--way to go!! Happy summer!

blasted from the past

2011-06-20T11:53:00.001-04:00

Last week, I spent some time going through my three boxes of film photos, just to see what's there and find some fun ones to scan. (See, I'm in the middle of two other projects, so I needed to find another one. :D)

I saw all kinds of little things I'd forgotten about. Like the time my little brother and I were playing around and he put his big stuffed ninja turtle in his shirt so that it looked like his own legs were green and furry. Or this cool game I had that was sort of like aimed pinball and you made designs. In shots of my old bedroom I was horrified at how messy I was (but...not too surprised), and then noticed the old plastic Rainbow Brite and Care Bears bowls we had. I snapped shots showing the change from my kid room walls (cute kittens and puppies) to teenage walls (my favorite baseball stars, inspirational quotes). One of my favorite shots of my dad, brother, best friend and me, at our beach.

Pictures from my high school graduation with my braces and semi-friends. Pictures from my college graduation with my younger siblings, who have now graduated from high school and college themselves. My kid cousins, who are now successful grown-ups, who I got to know better for a minute while in Seattle earlier this year. A roll of photos taken from my car as I drove down the Oregon and California coast.

Then the next day, I accidentally clicked on a former friend's folder in my email. I ended up reading through all of our exchanges--over four years' worth. This is the friend who dropped me suddenly my second year in NYC. In the pictures I'd gone through, there were a ton of the two of us. We'd sit in my car and laugh about who knows what, and take stupid photos of ourselves. (This is of course from the 35mm days, so most of them are blurry and half our faces are cut off. In a lot of them we look alike, which we always joked about. Something about having glasses and dark hair.) We'd had a lot of fun for a few years and the emails proved that we were actually friends. I still kind of want to know what on earth happened. But I won't.

(Do you keep old correspondence? I have a hard time getting rid of actual things, so it's not surprising that I semi-hoard electronic things. It's an amazing way to get a real glimpse of past iterations of life. Do you count a difference between actual letters and emails?)

Anyway, the first part of that week left me really disoriented for a day or so--the past was swirling around my head and it came back to life briefly.

I wonder where I'll be ten years from now, looking back on this year--my first year of *not* teaching, our first year of marriage. What kinds of progress or change will I have made that I look back on my 31 year old self and shake my head and say, wow, how little she knew! What memories will I have? What moments, big and little, will stick out?

Postcard Project!

2011-06-16T22:57:00.004-04:00

Over the past eleven years, I have been collecting postcards. Not just ones that people sent me, but I would always buy a few whenever I traveled somewhere. I'd do some of the sights or of a city, and I would usually buy some of my favorite artworks at museums.

Some postcards ended up in scrapbooks, as a way to represent a lovely place that I couldn't capture myself. Unfortunately, only a few of my trips have been scrapbooked, so most of them were tossed into a drawer when I returned home from a trip. But even a few years ago I knew I wanted to do something with them, to display them somehow. I just couldn't figure out how, without glueing or taping them together. Then what if I had to move? Or what if I wanted to change something?

Enter Photojojo's fotoclips! When I first saw them last year or thereabouts, I knew they would help me do something about all those postcards! But I never got around to ordering them for myself. I strongly hinted to the husband once or twice that I really wanted some, and this month, he finally remembered to order them.

Finally time to do something with all those pretty pictures! First I had to sort through my craft drawers and find all the postcards. Then I organized them into piles by location, and counted them. Finally, I sorted them by orientation (far more landscape than portrait, in case you're interested).

The total? Over three hundred!

Last weekend, we decided to make some 'panels' and went about attaching the postcards together, not in an organized or planned way. Tonight we put them up on the wall of our bedroom!

Then I made two long gallery strips of the museum postcards, for our living room:

I am super excited to get some of these great things out for display, and to finally decorate our walls a bit!

There are tons more postcards, and more empty walls in the living room and kitchen...

no regrets

2011-06-12T11:56:00.003-04:00

Last week I saw this article about the top 5 regrets people had on their deathbed. Interesting food for thought.

1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

I don't think I've ever had this regret. I've done some amazing things on my own volition, and while there are more things I wish I had done, I'm pretty happy with how I've directed my life and where it's taken me. Planning for the future has never been something I could do; instead things come into my life in random ways and affect decisions and I end up somewhere interesting.

2. I wish I didn’t work so hard.

Thankfully I don't have this regret anymore, since I'm not teaching. But I definitely had it while at First Charter School two school years ago. I was making great money and had absolutely no time or energy to spend it. I never got to see friends and my poor boyfriend was helpless, watching me be exhausted all the time. It made me miserable. Last year, at Charter Elementary School, I was working the same kind of hours, though once the late winter/early spring came around, I refused to spend the extra daylight trapped in my classroom. I was no longer making great money, but I tried to be healthier in having an outside life.

Now I'm working part-time-ish-almost-full-time but for not a lot of money, and I'm totally fine with that. I have freedom, great people at work that I actually get to talk to (unlike all those great teachers I've 'worked with' who I barely get to say hi to in the halls once a week), I don't have to take anything home with me (physically or mentally), and a lot of times work is kind of fun.

I'm at the point in my life where I want to enjoy work but also enjoy life. I kind of feel like a lazy for saying it, but I don't want to work twelve hours a day. I want to have a job that I like with regular hours, so that I can have a real work/life balance.

3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.

I'm pretty good there, I think.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

I've never had tons of friends, and again, in the last couple school years it was difficult to maintain friendships and get-togethers, especially when they did things on weeknights. Which is why one of my goals in 2010 was to be more social. I ended up being quite social, seeing people on most weekends. 2011 has been much quieter, partly because I'm poorer.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have sillyness in their life again.

When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.

This really resonates with me. Sometimes I'm afraid that I put too much emphasis on what has been or what could be, not what *is*. I feel happiness more in retrospect than in present. I fondly remember all the extra time I had when teaching in a public school. I get nostalgic about our adventures in AmeriCorps. Often I think about how great life will be when we leave New York and move into a cheaper place with a garage and a washer/dryer. But I also want to realize when I enjoy life right here and now. We live in a great apartment, with a beautiful view, and we've slowly starting decorating it. Subways and errands are only a few minutes' walk away. I do know some great people here that I've built a history with. Some elements of life are really easy in New York, though some are much, much harder. I need to work on being in and appreciating the here and now.

I was perusing ye olde blogge archives this morning and was struck by how much I used to post, and that I had things to say. I wish I'd found time to blog more last year while teaching; there was a lot going on and it might have been helpful then and later to have some details to look back upon.

So perhaps I will try (again) to post more often and more meaningfully. I do have thoughts and memories to share.

Personal Goal #1!

2011-06-07T11:29:00.001-04:00

Knit or crochet a garment!

I did a few rows of the back the day before we left for Greece, and I finished the pieces while we were in Paros, the second or third to last day of our honeymoon. (I did a lot of crocheting either on the long ferry rides or while half-watching cheesy American movies subtitled in Greek.)

Well after we got home, like a couple weeks later, I 'tried' it 'on'. I'd made the smallest size because I didn't want it to be baggy. Even though the sizes go by bust size and the smallest was definitely too small for me. So when I sort of draped the pieces over me, of course they were too small. But I'd figured this might happen, and I had a plan: I crocheted three rows of sc on both edges of both pieces. It definitely changes the look, but it's not terribly unnatural, I feel. (Originally I thought about doing a contrast color, like black! and doing a border along the bottom. Some friends said no way jose. :D)

This weekend, after all my progress with organizing and decluttering, I was kind of bored and there's nothing on tv lately, so I finally picked up my pieces and started sewing them together.
(Note: I am pretty bad at this. I should go into a LYS for some help on my next project.)

But, I figure I'm the only one seeing it up close, and who knows how much I'll actually wear it, so really, who cares.

I'm still wearing it now, and it's surprisingly warm, without a lot of bulk! I've never been much of a vest person, but come fall, maybe I will be! :)

Most importantly, this was my gateway garment--I proved to myself (with the simplest possible pattern, naturally) that I could make one. So now I am super excited about the prospect of making another, more fitted one! I can do it!

And if you know of any cute patterns, let me know! :)

clean up, clean up, everybody clean up

2011-06-04T23:58:00.012-04:00

(Sometimes my students would sing that as we tidied up. I never learned that song, either as a kid or as a teacher. Feel like maybe I missed out. :D)

I have been on a kick lately.

Recently I happened upon some blogs (Small Notebook and Unclutterer) and then an issue of O Magazine, and that finally got me inspired to start organizing and decluttering.

Last weekend and this weekend, I have done a lot of work eliminating unnecessary stuff, and organizing the things that I want to keep.

In one article in the magazine (whose theme was "decluttering your life"), the author joked about buying some pens even though she already had a bunch. That got me to remember the big fabric bin of pens, pencils and markers that have been on my desk for a long time. So I went through every single one and tested them (which created a fun sort of artwork):

These are all the pens and markers that don't work, and pencils with bad erasers. As a teacher, I hoarded pens and pencils, because a teacher is always, always running out of them. But now I can let go!

I've also eliminated almost two feet of books, some old gift baskets, and my old silverware set.

Additionally, I got rid of some old 'art', a collection of Europe photos (top: Rome; middle: Venice, Scotland; bottom: Paris) that I had blown up on foam core after my grand tour in summer 2001. I had them up on my wall in my studio apartment for awhile, but I couldn't figure out a non-damaging-enough way to keep them up. They've been in a pile on a shelf ever since, so I was happy to let them go.

All of this went out on the sidewalk last weekend. I dropped off two bags of clothes and an old suitcase at Goodwill too!

The bookshelves were full enough that they all had piles of books in front of the shelved books. But, I eliminated enough books that there are no more piles! I also finally tackled the shelf in our bedroom, which had piles piled on other piles--books, pictures, old paperwork, all kinds of crap. The top shelves now neatly hold my picture books, photos from film classes, little flip photo albums, maps, old calendars and notebooks, and my grad school diploma is actually visible (instead of hidden behind piles of those things).

Next up for decluttering is magazines. I have National Geographic from 2004 and Smithsonian from 2005. Some older ones have been living in a big plastic bin, and there are six and a half Dokuments full of more recent ones. (For the record, my stepdad had decades' worth of NatGeo, and my dad had a ton also, so it's not surprising that I've also kept mine.) Friends say I should get rid of them.

Recycling them would be criminal. Someone suggested giving them to an art teacher, but that means they'd be all cut up and destroyed! I do like the idea of giving them to a school or public library that could use them.

Yesterday I went through and actually sorted them, and now I am reluctant to part with them at all! Isn't that silly? They're just so full of interesting information and also pretty. What an amazing resource. But...sigh...I know that I can't keep them, since we're in an apartment and also, technically, I don't need them. So I will try to find a good place to donate the issues through 2009. That means they'll have to sit around more, though.

Overall, I am very happy with my progress, and I am excited to continue streamlining my stuff!

June!

2011-06-01T21:37:00.003-04:00

Just the word June conjures up warm days, short sleeves, relaxed classrooms, countdowns and vacation plans.

This is only my second June that won't see me in one of those relaxed classrooms. Last June I worked it so that I never taught a full week, because I arranged field trips and a field day, in addition to a planning day, plus a weekend away. The total crazy boy student, along with two troublesome girl students, insisted on being switched to the other class. One of my lowest students just didn't show up for the last three weeks of school. So my group was small and behaved fairly well. We kept the lights off to stay as cool as we could. All that made it a pretty good month. :)

This June things are pretty calm for me. I'm still working with that same company, working with teachers and schools. My hours are flexible and this week seems to be a quiet one. I like having flexibility. Since I'm not making much money, I haven't been very social, to avoid spending too much. It's been a quiet year in many ways.

Since that all feels still a bit temporary, it's difficult to look ahead. We don't really have vacation plans, so we'll have to make our own fun around the city. Like last night, we went into town for a quick dinner and then Manhattanhenge.

I hope your June is off to a happy start, not least because it's a short week!

way back machine

2011-05-27T19:06:00.002-04:00

You may know that I've been taking a picture a day for...a long time now. I did three years of daily self-portraits, and in 2010 that overlapped with a daily photo, and I'm continuing that in 2011. As of today, that's 1521 days.

Thanks to those projects (which sometimes would be 100 photos to get just the right one), plus hundreds/thousands of photos from every trip I've taken, plus 1,000 picture photo shoots, I have tens of thousands of photos on my external terabyte harddrive. Some of my friends who also do daily photos started a project where we find a photo from our archives that we've never posted before.

When we were in Greece and got back, everything took a long time to catch up. Just this past weekend I got caught up on photos for that project.

I randomly found this shot from mid May 2007. I don't remember taking it or if there was something special about it. Probably not, but it's a neat snapshot of my life at the time.

Note my AmeriCorps mug (which I made in 2003!), and the old-school iPod (a hand-me-down gift from the boy when I finished grad school the summer before--previously I'd still been using my discman, from 2002!).

Apparently this was the only calculator I had, being an English teacher and all. I still wore a watch back then (still cheap plastic like I'd loved having in AmeriCorps), and of course I still had frizzy hair!

I am surrounded by plastic bins, which were used for anything and everything. These were from the 99cent stores in my teaching neighborhood, so I happily stocked up on a ton of them. They stored books in the classroom library, collected homework from classes, held stacks of papers like this to be graded. Bins are the greatest, am I right?

Goodness gracious, is that an actual box of kleenex? In May?! That's a miracle. Must have been one that the kids brought and I hid in lockers to be brought out only when absolutely necessary. (Otherwise my students would have easily gone through a carton of kleenex in the first month. Teachers, you know what I'm talking about.)

Here I appear to be grading poetry quizzes. Can you name all the characteristics of a limerick? How good are you at determining rhyme scheme of a short poem?

This was back when our state ex@ms were in the middle of the year (STUPIDSTUPIDSTUPID), so I got to do poetry during poetry month, though it clearly bled over to May. (I could never finish anything on time as a teacher. Even in a double period, I was rushing to finish talking about the homework as the bell rang. My units always ran long. Better than the alternate though--the thought of finishing something early and having nothing to do was horrifying.) I imagine that with spring break in late April, followed closely by the b!g t3sts, there was not much poetry to be had in New York City classrooms.

This is such a weird time of year for a teacher. The weather gets nicer, and everyone starts getting antsy and restless. The end of the year seems like it should be close, but the end of June is a loooong way from now. I never started a countdown before the start of June, because it seemed too unbearably long. We had to plan for the endless span of hot days in June, desperate to keep the kids engaged and all of us from the crazy house. We always did our drama unit in June, as it was a good way to get the students interacting. Some years I had the kids write their own plays. This often didn't work. I found a handful of short plays and would assign them to groups to perform. We would talk about some basics and they would 'rehearse.' Usually there was one kid who would take over and tell everyone what to do. Often they all just kind of stood around.

I was thinking today about one thing I always did at the beginning of my drama unit. I'd start them with reading aloud together, to practice being 'loud' and clear in a safe, unembarrassing way, and to listen to each other. In there somewhere I would have a pair of (fairly confident and good reader) students get up in front of the class to do Who's on First. I would just hand it to them and say go. Then sit at the back of the room and try not to laugh too loudly. Since I taught three classes, it was always interesting to see the differences in which kids got it as they were reading, and which classes understood the humor. A couple times the readers just immediately got it and hammed it up perfectly, and some of the classes cracked up like I did.

I'm pretty sure that every single time I did this--three classes, four years, so 12 times--the kids would look back at me and stare at me laughing. It was one of the few times that I 'broke character' as the strict teacher, and I'm pretty sure it confused them. And/or gave them permission to laugh too.