10/31/03: Happy Halloween! It is COLD. I am sitting in my apartment and my fingers are literally going numb. I cranked the heat but it is taking its sweet damn time. It turned seasons in the blink of an eye...all the fall colors are out, and it is decidedly frosty in the mornings. Brr.
So at this momentous occasion, I must think back to all the previous Halloweens/birthdays in my short but jampacked life. I remember the party I had at the Gymnastics place, everyone wore Halloween costumes and we had a pinata, and then possibly we stayed the night at the gym. I remember lots of trick or treating in downtown Issaquah. I remember a party and trick or treating with a big group of girls in high school. Then of course, last year, when I, along with my teammates, spent Halloween packing to go back to Perry Point, and deep-cleaning the Bridgeport Habitat house. What an interesting array of history.

It's the end of yet another month. Crazy. Time is flying like nobody's business. I am reading another big book, which makes me a little impatient. Instant gratification, man.

10/21/03: Our local chapter of Mother Nature is manic depressive. This summer was a record-setting one, for lack of rainfall; the entire state got an average of less than two inches. ALL SUMMER. Then fall hit. I fully expected the weather to turn gray and crappy right on cue. However, it stayed really warm and sunny. A couple lightly-rainy days here and there, but lovely for the most part.

Eventually, last week or maybe even the one before, it got seriously gray, cloudy, Northwest-fall-like. Then, yesterday, it broke. Five inches of rain in one day. Torrents and sheets of rain all day long. It set an all-time record for rainfall in a single day.

10/19/03: So Friday night I stayed up til 12:45AM, practically propping up my eyelids to read. Imagine my surprise when I groggily awakened at 12:45PM on Saturday. Ah, sleep, that most sly and elusive nighttime activity.

The rest of the day I spent in a fatigued stupor, watching movies (Slackers and The Recruit) and TV (the Travel Channel and Queer Eye).

It is already Sunday evening. I went in to work for a couple hours (all hail the overtime!), plus ran to Costco and put up some decoration-type things in the living room. Still need to make my room homey. And clean it. And finish cleaning the bathroom. All in good time, grasshopper.

Something random popped into my head this afternoon while driving. I'm not sure why, but I was suddenly overcome with that sensation of travel. Hostels, airports, dragging bags around unfamiliar yet wonderfully foreign streets...how I long to travel again. I love to discover new things, or to discover ancient things all for myself. The thrill of crisp, new maps and memorizing another underground system. The secret, naughty pleasure of eating American fastfood in another country, and the way it somehow tastes different. Trying to shop for souvenirs without looking like a cheesy tourist. Never knowing who you'll meet, who you'll find yourself avoiding, what sense or smell or activity will become synonomous with that place in your memories. Ah, travel. Where shall I go next?

10/17/03: Wow, a whole week passed already. It went rather quickly. Monday I was feeling weak and tired, and Tuesday I stayed home. My limbs felt heavy, and tingly and trembly. I was in bed half the day, and laying down watching tv the rest of the day. It was good to relax.

I didn't really follow up on the job thing, though I did beef up my statements for the second application. I figure it also won't lead to a response, but it made me feel proactive and practicing, or something. Maybe I will work on keeping my eye open for opportunities. And by the time I'm really ready for something, I'll, you know, be ready. Hm, I wonder if that made sense.

I don't think much else happened this week. I haven't worked out at all, but I did start working overtime again. Making up for lost time, and for lost fundage in the bank account...I can't wait for November, when I'll be getting a bonus. Ten months later, but better late than never, is what I keep reminding myself.

So I spent three weeks reading that one book, right? I have made up for lost time, reading four books this week alone. I will be starting the fifth tonight. It's the last of the five I got from the library, the lot of which are due on Tuesday. Impressive, eh? One of them was The Alchemist. I loved it. I probably should have read it much sooner, but this was a perfect time to think about dreams and destinies. I can keep myself going, because I decided this is just my year in the crystal shop. I am saving up money for a future journey that will lead me to my true life.

Have you ever noticed that life goes by awfully fast? I am old. I mean, I know I'm still young, but it honestly feels like I'm still an awkward teenager, just pretending to be a "grown-up." The scary thing is that many other people feel this way, a good number of whom are significantly older than me. I don't want to go through the years, always feeling like I can't quite catch up. I mean, really, someone who is twenty-four is an adult, a go-getter, a social swagster, laughing in swanky, funky bars with their many eclectic friends, someone who has a unique, interesting and promising job, and a kitschy apartment in the city. Whereas I, rapidly approaching that twenty-fourth milestone, feel impossibly young, imposterly uninteresting, drab, lazy and antisocial. It's like I'm waiting for some sign, some privilege, some telltale symbol of true adulthood. And I don't mean voting, imbibing alcohol, or parenthood.

10/12/03: So another weekend is about to wrap up. This one was pretty quiet and relaxing, I suppose. I spent almost all of yesterday holed up at home, reading and watching tv. But I did get my ass out "on the town" for a little bit...I went to kinko's to use their paper cutter, and then found a consignment store (Lucky jeans for twenty bucks!). Back home, then right back out to the movie theatre. Yay for cherry icees. My tongue stays red for hours after finishing one.

I was planning on volunteering this weekend, but I didn't get the information on where and when...and I suppose I could have been more proactive and/or found another opportunity, but I got lazy and excited about a whole day to do nothing. I was not exactly pleased to be awake by 8.30, but oh well. I had already promised myself I wasn't going to work this weekend; in fact, I've only worked twenty-five minutes of overtime all week! It feels weird, like I'm cheating or something. But I'm a freaking assistant, there is no reason that I need to do tons of overtime; I should be able to do most of my work during my normal eight hours a day. As much as I love the money, I would rather have a little more time to myself, as well as a more fixed schedule. I really need to get off my ass and into the gym more. This week I went three times, last week once, the week before, twice. I'm just so tired...and I feel like I'm getting sick. That's been going on for a good four or five days now, though, so I'm anxious to just get sick already, or not be. Weirdly, I kind of want to get sick. I have to look forward to a time when I can justifiably and legally not work. I'm not sure if it's laziness or lack of responsibility...I suspect it's more a yearning for a change of pace, something new and different to interrupt the routine. I love taking field trips, or having meetings, or doing anything that means I'm not just sitting at my desk.

So so much for adventure. This weekend my only adventure was staying up to watch SNL with Justin Timberlake (it was quite a show) and finishing that damn 865-page book. Although, a good portion of yesterday evening was spent organizing my newish file cabinet (a two-drawer plastic number from Target)...it was good thing, too. The clutter was irking me; since the files weren't really organized, I hadn't put anything away for a good three months. Thus I had two large piles of random papers that needed organizing and filing. I am happy with my success in that endeavor. And this morning, again awake by 8.30, I finished tidying my room and the kitchen, did laundry, AND cleaned the bathroom (well, halfway). Hurrah for me.

There was some excitement this week. I was talking to Stacey about jobs, and she mentioned the government, and that reminded me of the job listings page at the CNCS (Corp for National and Community Service). I took a look and found TWO postings for an AmeriCorps Recruiting Program Specialist! It got me all worked up; the job description and requirements are made for me. One had a deadline of the next day, so I fumbled together some stuff to submit the application. Just so that I knew I did something. I was fully set to hunker down and put together better stuff for the other one, which ends this week sometime, but I keep forgetting. Eek. And, I never got confirmation or any word at all on the one I did submit, so I need to find out what to do next to get a response