Yesterday was pretty decent. Notice I rarely say a day was "good." I'm too cautious and superstitious and realistic to think an entire day with ten year olds can be accurately described as just "good."
Today was not decent. I used up all of my week's patience yesterday and my two worst boys used up all of their decency. Combined with two extra periods of teaching, this made for an unhappy and decidedly cranky teacher.
Chatty Chad was removed from the class a long time ago. Don't even know when and never really dwelled on it because Loud Leo immediately took the forefront of the class. And continues to occupy it, finding new and different ways to be completely inappropriate every goddamn day. Deliberately malicious, too.
And of course there's another one that I haven't mentioned. He came to the class maybe in October and what a treat it's been. Not. He's beyond just chatty. He never ever stops talking. I'll call him Talkative Ted. He's also angry and disrespectful to just about every single person he encounters. Kids, adults, whoever.
Leo and Ted both had decent days yesterday and horrible days today. I am ready to throw them and myself out the window.
I've been finding excuses for weeks and could easily continue to, but I think it might finally be time for a mental health day. I don't think I've ever taken one before January in the last five years. (Of course, last fall I was a complete and utter mess; maybe I *should* have taken a day or two off.)
Even though Christmas is only three weeks away, December still seems like a long and lonely slog. I want to make it. And I want to make it past a week of January. Last year continues to weigh on me and when I'm frustrated and annoyed at the stupid shit kids do, I'm like, wow, and it was so much worse last year! How did I do it?! How did I survive? The answer is I wasn't really; I was taking pills to stop the daily crying and pills to let me sleep a few hours. I don't want to be that person again. I don't think I am. I certainly don't feel like an awesome teacher, but I don't think I'm the worst teacher in the world. Leo does his worst stuff when I'm not there, and though my class is quite cuckoo pants, they are much better for me than for their electives teachers.
Anyway, it's late and I needed to be in bed an hour ago. Never enough time! That's one thing I really am trying to work on. I'm getting there, slowly, sort of.