Tuesday, January 01, 2002

Happy New Year! Did you have a nice one? Mine wasn't bad, actually. I had fun. I worked a double shift yesterday, and had to work today also. It was sort of funny, everybody had a story about their evening. We were all feeling out of sorts, some more than others. I just generally felt like crap. This afternoon I had a nice nap. Quite a relief.

So. It's been raining since afternoon, and windy too. Though I don't love being in the rain, I like the sound of the drops on the roof and the wind through the trees. It's soothing, somehow. That's one of the things I miss most about Bellingham, they have wonderful windstorms there, being right on the water. My old dorm was surrounded by trees, and the sounds of the raging winds was like a release. Ah, the good old days.

It is so weird that it's a new year, and that it's 2002. It sounds funny, you know? I wonder what is in store, for the world, for little me? This time last year seems eons ago. I hope there are some interesting things, at least. January is a weird month, it is so bleak and plain in my head. I hate not knowing what's ahead for me, too. Just impatient, I suppose.

I have declared a temporary ban on trips to the library. Somehow, I have ended up with a growing pile of new, non-library books that I need to read. Since for some reason I haven't been able to read more than one book at a time, I'm determined to make a dent in my pile. But there's so much good stuff! There's one about Paris, there's the new one by Stephen King, and even the old feminist classic, Backlash. I look forward to reading it all.

What is it with self-esteem? More specifically, my lack of it? Is it normal, does everyone despair at every glance in the mirror? Yesterday, while gussying up for the goings-on, I felt so depressingly resigned to look like shit. It was awful. Lately those kinds of thoughts haven't been too loud in my head, but they're rearing back into gear right quick. And it sucks. I feel like there's no reason to even try, since it doesn't make a difference, and it's not like there's anyone to impress. If people aren't dazzled by my razor-sharp wit, then to hell with them, right? Ha. Right.

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