This Year

This might have been up there for the most tumultuous of years for me. I can't believe it's over. Is this what grown ups mean by the time passing so quickly without you realizing it?

Things that happened this year:
--I was fired. This scared the hell out of me, but it was also a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. I learned that being that miserable is never worth it, and that my sanity has to come first.

--I told myself I was out of teaching for good.

--I got to work in photography. This is the most exciting development of the year. I have done a lot of freelance work for the local paper, as well as some wedding-related photography.

--I subbed in charter schools. Some I had a good time, some was not so good. Mostly I was glad to have a little money coming in again.

--My boyfriend was supportive, emotionally and financially.

--I decided to take another teaching job.

--I went upstate twice, once to the west to visit a good friend and once with the boyfriend to the Catskills. I went home to Seattle once. I went home with the boyfriend to visit his family for the holidays. (Which was lovely and quiet. His parents are so nice. Plus they have an adorable kitty!)

--We moved into a fantastic apartment!

--I became an elementary teacher. It has been very stressful and very busy and I am starting to question it. I don't think I'm doing a good enough job, and it bothers me that I'm letting the kids down, while giving myself too much of a burden. I can't keep up with the lesson planning, so my lessons aren't very good. My class can be really disrespectful to one another--stealing things (bigger than pencils), calling names. But they are awesome in assemblies and on field trips--interested and fairly polite. A few of my students like me. I need to get better at being in contact with parents.

I never really know what a year will bring, because I can't plan for the future. But I would never have predicted any of the things that ended up happening. I guess that means it has been an adventure? :) I have been able to spend some quality time with family and friends, though, and I hope that continues well into the next decade! I thank any of you who have been reading what I sporadically post, and the support, and friendship, even if it's only virtual (so far). :)

I have more posts in my head, about goals for next year and even a decade in review like Ms M and Nancy. All the best to you all this new year! Stay safe tonight!

Happy Holidays

Hey, I made the Carnival

Looks like a great batch of posts are up at Epic Adventures Are Often Uncomfortable. Thanks Clix!

Today sucked.

Yesterday was pretty decent. Notice I rarely say a day was "good." I'm too cautious and superstitious and realistic to think an entire day with ten year olds can be accurately described as just "good."

Today was not decent. I used up all of my week's patience yesterday and my two worst boys used up all of their decency. Combined with two extra periods of teaching, this made for an unhappy and decidedly cranky teacher.

Chatty Chad was removed from the class a long time ago. Don't even know when and never really dwelled on it because Loud Leo immediately took the forefront of the class. And continues to occupy it, finding new and different ways to be completely inappropriate every goddamn day. Deliberately malicious, too.

And of course there's another one that I haven't mentioned. He came to the class maybe in October and what a treat it's been. Not. He's beyond just chatty. He never ever stops talking. I'll call him Talkative Ted. He's also angry and disrespectful to just about every single person he encounters. Kids, adults, whoever.

Leo and Ted both had decent days yesterday and horrible days today. I am ready to throw them and myself out the window.

I've been finding excuses for weeks and could easily continue to, but I think it might finally be time for a mental health day. I don't think I've ever taken one before January in the last five years. (Of course, last fall I was a complete and utter mess; maybe I *should* have taken a day or two off.)

Even though Christmas is only three weeks away, December still seems like a long and lonely slog. I want to make it. And I want to make it past a week of January. Last year continues to weigh on me and when I'm frustrated and annoyed at the stupid shit kids do, I'm like, wow, and it was so much worse last year! How did I do it?! How did I survive? The answer is I wasn't really; I was taking pills to stop the daily crying and pills to let me sleep a few hours. I don't want to be that person again. I don't think I am. I certainly don't feel like an awesome teacher, but I don't think I'm the worst teacher in the world. Leo does his worst stuff when I'm not there, and though my class is quite cuckoo pants, they are much better for me than for their electives teachers.

Anyway, it's late and I needed to be in bed an hour ago. Never enough time! That's one thing I really am trying to work on. I'm getting there, slowly, sort of.