Thursday, January 14, 2010

A Year Ago (plus a week)

I was fired from my job on January 8, 2009.

Last week was really weird. I was sort of in the past and in the present at the same time. I was remembering the awfulness of being in that job, and the shock and fear at losing it.

And then congratulating? myself on not getting fired from this job. Thinking about how much better off I was out of that other job. How I should have quit right away, that the crying and no sleeping was never worth it. Thinking that I don't cry at this job, but I still can't sleep. Wondering how far I'll make it through the year. I'm pretty sure I'm not at risk of firing (bad pr, you see), but do I really want to make it all the way? How much longer can I go without sleeping well? How can I last another five months when just about every day I am exhausted and out of patience?

I got home that night last week and there was a package for me. I hadn't ordered anything, so I was very curious what on earth it could be. Turns out, it was an art book that has one of my photos in it! That certainly would not have happened last January, and it certainly couldn't have happened without what did happen last January.

I wonder where next January will find me?


Schoolgal said...

Congrats on the photo being published. You are still on a journey and part of what you are feeling is that you haven't connected to your path. If it weren't for these tough economic times, I think you would be feeling positive about the changes in your life and would be jumping for joy at the fact your creative resume can now add this published work.

The book Who Moved My Cheese really helped me see that change is good and that being fired was a blessing because that place was hell. You are going through a transition and teaching is helping you pay the bills. Maybe next year you will get the "good class" and will feel differently. We have all been through the "bad class" and have gotten through it. I wouldn't lose any sleep over it and instead break out that bottle of wine and celebrate your wonderful achievement!

NCavillones said...

huzzah for big changes and for taking leaps of faith. only good things can come.

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Ginger Snaps said...

I might as well have been fired last year, but rather I was "excessed," moved to another school in the district, even though there were first year teachers floating about in our building.

It was the best damn thing that ever happened to me. My principal was a monstrous tyrant and leapt at the chance to "get me."

She gave me the best gift I could have asked for! No more nightmares of her! Now, I am happy with my administration. They love me. Seriously. It's almost creepy.

My class is ten times better, minus one crazy friend whom I just send out when he goes nuts, but all in all, it's a huge step in the right direction. I still feel like I have a load of work and I'm killing myself, but at least the staff there makes it all worthwhile. Having a positive group of colleagues to work with is totally helpful.

Thank you for sharing!