I'm feeling down this evening.
It started with being responsible and saying no to a fun day with friends that would also cost $40. I like friends and fun, and as a matter of fact, this year has had so much more of both. [This thrills me but also makes me wonder if it's just pity (oh right, her....well, i guess we can invite her this time...), and of course I always expect that they will realize any day now what a loser I am and have nothing more to do with me.] I originally said yes but am backing out now the night before, and that makes me feel guilty and icky and dumb and poor and stupid.
In general it made me frustrated all over again about the fine line of money and other people. I hate thinking about money. I want to hang out with people and have fun, not think about how much I have and trying to calculate the smallest amount I could possibly spend while still participating in the activity (ie, having my cake but not having to pay for it). This is tedious and spiritually exhausting.
But this is going to be my life for the foreseeable future, and I have to suck it up and deal with it. Which I kind of hate.
It's all just depressing.
Then came the cookies.
No, this is not about vomit, it's about actual cookies that literally need to be tossed because they're kind of gross. Last night I mixed up my first batch of cookie dough and I was so excited.
I read that NY Times article this summer about The World's Best Cookie For Food Snobs And Kitchen Know-It-Alls. It said that all the good chefs chill their dough and there was an experiment comparing non-chilled and varied-time-chilled doughs and the longer-chilled dough resulted in the tastiest cookies.
So, since I'm all 'woo hoo check me out in my cooking or baking or whatever phase!', I chilled my cookie dough for a full twenty-four hours.
And the cookies suck.
Which, because I am twelve, means I suck too.
It's too bad that feeling sorry for yourself isn't a job, because I'm great at it and then I would be totally rich.
3 comments:
obviously, the writer of the "we're so great, we're snobby cooks" article isn't actually a cook. I've done the long chill several times - not on purpose - and they always turn out not so good.
It's not you it's the bad advice article. Probably will never publish again.
Also, I cannot make no-bake cookies to save my life. Don't know why... but they are always a mess.
So, I'm assuming you made the salted choc. chip ones (liebovitz or bittman?). Anyway, I made them as well and the long chill time is frustrating and I'm not sure about the difference it makes. What I like much better is the Cook's Illustrated version which involves browned butter. You whisk the browned butter with the sugars and vanilla for a minute, let it rest, mix again, and keep repeating this for a few cycles. Check the website for instructions or to see if someone posted a free version. If you can't find it, let me know and I'll send it to you.
I hope you're feeling better, my dear. Don't let a cookie experiment (or anything/one) get you down. As to money, we're on a strict budget here at Chez George, too. My hubby was laid off at the end of July...
What a great read. I was right there with you. But that's the mark of a good writer.
Your next batch of cookies will be marvelous!!
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