Wednesday, September 03, 2008

I'm here

...sort of. techically.

Mentally, I don't know where I am. I certainly don't know where some of my stuff is. I don't know when I will have time and/or energy to do laundry. I do know what I'm doing in class tomorrow, and that's been my priority all week.

Let's see. The actual move on Monday morning went really well. The movers were fast and thorough--the entire thing, including the drive, took only four hours. I spent several hours unboxing things and attempting to begin organizing the mountain that is my belongings. BF and I had to defrost the mossy freezer--and then chip out the solid ice blocks, mainly with a makeshift chisel consisting of various kitchen knives and a hammer. We did a grocery run, but we still seem to have no real food. Not that either of us have been home at a time to have a normal meal anyway. The earliest I've left school in the last two weeks is 5.30, or maybe 6. At least now my commute is super short.

Tuesday was a rather insane day. My sleeplessness continued and compounded, so I was literally trembling mildly all day from exhaustion and hunger. The alarm has been going at 5.30am, which is painful enough on its own without a real night's sleep. The actual day was pretty decent. The schedule was a little wonky, and without bells, it's going to be even more of a challenge for me to end classes on time.

We have now completed two full days (ONLY TWO DAYS?!?!) of school. My lessons haven't been interesting, (I told you I wasn't a great teacher), but the kids did a good job playing along with rules and practicing talking to one another. I'm going to start some real stuff tomorrow. So far I'm doing okay with the two subjects, but that's just because it's the first week. I have no idea what one of the classes will do starting next week. (Well, not zero idea; I have vague plans but no specifics yet. Also, there is no one to even ask at my school. Everyone's super supportive and involved for every single subject--except this one this grade.

People keep asking me how things are going and how I'm doing, and I'm still not sure how to answer that. I think I haven't really formed opinions yet, because it's the first week and it is what it is. Things are a little good, a little weird, a little bad, it all depends on a lot of things. It's all still in the set-up stage. I don't know.

Again, I haven't been resting or eating enough, and staying at school late. And I STILL don't have a working doorknob OR air conditioning! Most of the rooms do, so it's kind of like torture to spend all day in my classroom. There is a shiny new unit in my window, taunting all of us. It's just not near an appropriate plug. And let me tell you, it fucking SUCKS to be sweating all day long, never cooling off. And then to deal with all the kids fanning themselves and swanning around, oh, it's hot in here. No shit, sherlock! at least you get to be in cooler classrooms in the rest of the day!

To make things more complicated, this afternoon I was told that I need to be warmer. Two hours later, another teacher told me that some of my students said I need to be stricter.

My toe is infected and it hurts more each day, and I can barely walk by noon. I left school at seven tonight.

Then I got home, exhausted, hungry, sweaty, frustrated--and my new keys didn't work and I couldn't get into my apartment.

When I did get in, I saw a giant fucking roach in the kitchen. I ran away shrieking.

I never had a real lunch and I haven't had anything pretending to be dinner. I'm soaking my feet and stealing unsecured wireless to check facebook and pretend to write a coherent post on this silly, silly blog and trying not to cry and also wishing I could just cry and sob and flail and wail and maybe that would make me feel better.

But it's 8.45 and I should really go to sleep at 9. Thank god I have a small stockpile of Ambien.

Edit: It's 9.09. Still awake, tears have started. I'm really hungry but it's too late to eat. I promise, I'm going to bed right now.

5 comments:

browneyedgirlie said...

Sending big, huge, ginormous hugs from MA to NYC.

Seriously Jules, wail, flail, cry, sob, scream, punch things...I've done that and it makes me feel so. much. better.

Oh, and get some new blue walls ASAP and go out for drinks (several) Friday night :)

Mintyfresh said...

honestly, you've got a LOT of transition going on at the same time here--new job was going to be tough enough, but new apartment, cohabitation, and bugs . . . it's going to all be just too much for a while. allow yourself.

17 (really 15) more years said...

What are your hours, and why the hell are you staying in school til 7? An exhausted teacher is not an effective teacher. I know you're teaching different subjects, and I'm sure the planning is overwhelming, but you need to step back a little bit and not take it all so seriously. I KNOW you want to do a good job- just don't get yourself sick in the process.

CaliforniaTeacherGuy said...

It's now Saturday. I hope you're getting some much-needed rest and that you'll have a new perspective by Monday morning.

Ms M. said...

sounds super overwhelming! Seriously, if you e-mail me what the beginning of your new subject's curric. looks like, I will e-mail you some ideas, and I may even have some coherent, complete lessons for you. I also have loads of short activities for those days when it just all falls apart.