Monday, May 26, 2008

I think...

that I'm having a breakdown.

I've been sobbing for the last fifteen minutes.

Earlier today I felt good about things because I submitted nine more resumes this weekend.

But thinking and talking about the future = sobbing in my bed in the middle of the night. That is neither normal nor healthy.

I've looked up my mental health insurance--it's covered (good job, Timothy's Law) and there's someone right in my neighborhood.


Mamacita (Mamacita) said...

Some sobbing is perfectly normal, but if you think yours is out of control, seek help.

If you broke your leg, would people tell you to deal with it, show some spunk and it would heal, put a bandaid on it, etc? Would you, yourself, think that if you just gave it time, it would be all right? No, you would KNOW that you HAD to seek help from someone who was trained to deal with broken legs. Only then would you be able to walk again.

I say, if your instincts are telling you that you need help from someone trained to fix your "broken leg," then go for it.

And I wish you all the best luck in the world, both with the "leg" and with the job thing.

Seriously, I do.

17 (really 15) more years said...

It's funny- things that we deal with perfectly well in the light of day somehow overwhelm us in the middle of the night. I've been up since 4:30 because I can't stop thinking about the shitload of work I have to do before the end of this week- it doesn't bother me now, but lying in bed thinking about it was a recipe for disaster.

I really think you're fine- stressed, but fine. Hang in.

Dr. G said...

When I read about your life and see what you are accomplishing, I am proud to get to read your blog, I think you are doing well for yourself, and I see many wonderful years of life stretching out in front of you. Remember that happiness is found only in meaningful personal relationships. So you have to have a support team. When you are alone, the stress of decision making and the uncertainties of the future can be overwhelming. Sometimes life brings us to tears. But if no one has died, you'll get up in the morning and go on. What's more, if you think you need to talk with a therapist, you can. What could that hurt? I actually think that we all need to talk with a therapist once in awhile.

N. said...

I'm beginning to think May is annual breakdown month for teachers. I was crying for no reason I could discern on Friday night except I felt stressed and out of control of my life. Sometimes venting helps, sometimes asking for help helps. It'll get better either way.

East Coast Teacher said...

I went to therapy a few years ago and it helped tremendously. Of course, my issues weren't centered around work, but it was a good experience nonetheless.

I agree with the others, Jules...if you think this is more than just feeling a bit down, it'll only be to your benefit to talk to someone.

However, might I just say that I can't find a job either AND I have to live with my parents because I can't afford my own place?

Yeah. And I'm a month away from 29.

So, you could have it even worse ;)

Things'll happen for both of us in their right time...while we're waiting, know that you're not alone in this :)

X said...

Dude, I'm gonna email you my phone number. Feel free to text or call. It's the same story over here.

J said...

Thank you so, so much. You have no idea what it means to me that you not only read this silly post but cared enough to comment. Giant teary hugs all around. :)

Mamacita: I like your analogy. :) My 'leg' and I thank you so much for your good wishes.

15: Yes, exactly, about the nighttime thing. Since I was pretty young I've gotten depressed a lot at night. It's like once the light was gone outside, I could admit to myself what was going on in my head.

Dr G: Wow, thank you so much. And you're right, I did get up and go about my day. I survived pretty well today, though I was exhausted. The support team thing is actually what unhinges me...but that's a whole other post...

N: Thank you. I hope it doesn't sound morbid to say I'm glad I'm not the only one. :)

ECT: I've attempted 'therapy' in the past about other issues and it was useless. My issues right now are actually bigger than work, though that's kind of the center of everything. Really, I just have issues, period. I've made an appointment for a referral, so wish me luck. :)

X: Thanks, chicky. I hope things get better soon for you.

AMPlifier said...

DEFINITELY talk to a professional. I know what you're going through, I went through it too, and a therapist helped me sooo much!

ms. v. said...

Awwww.... I hope you're feeling better today! Times with a lot of change, especially changes that are up in the air, are very stressful and overwhelming... I think you'll feel a lot better once a few things fall into place. But calling the therapist can't hurt - and I'm impressed that you got on that project (looking up your coverage, finding someone) so quickly! Takes me weeks to months to get stuff like that done! Anyway, at a minimum that will be someone impartial to talk through all the choices you will be making in the next few months... good luck & call me anytime, I've been there and know what it's like to need support.

Mintyfresh said...

i am a horribly bad blog reader these days. please, julie, no matter what time, CALL ME when you feel this way. I have totally been there. in fact . . . it was almost exactly one year ago this week that I had my major breakdown. My therapist is great, and even just talking to her helps, but don't forget that you don't have to shoulder all the burden of your thoughts yourself.

That Chick Over There said...

I know just what you are going through and in the middle of the night is ALWAYS when it hits me. You poor thing. I hope you find something SOON.