the worst things about me

1. I'm a Negative Nelly.

Seriously, I hate everything. I roll my eyes at everything else. So much makes me cranky. Traffic. Too many commercials. Slow-moving people. Trends. The word "trendy". Spoiled and/or entitled people. Children's names with excessive vowels or cre8tyve spyllinge. Toms Shoes. The smell of turkey. Hearing grown people say the word "totes" as in short for "totally." That one song, oh and that other one. 98% of reality television. This new Blogger format with the incorrect cursor. The Facebook "top story" bullshit. The term "social media." Incorrect use of the phrase "mano a mano"--it means hand to hand, not man to man! Sheesh!

I could go on for days...

I'm also highly suspicious of most everything.

2. I am bad at talking.

I am terrible at chatting with people. I listen but I don't know how to ask questions or something, to encourage more conversation. So I'm sorry. I really do want to talk to you, but I don't know how.

Either that, or I get started on a stupid topic and can't think of others. Like teaching. Probably half the people I know must think, "OH MY GOD SHUT UP ABOUT TEACHING ALREADY--IT'S OVER." If you're one of them, ack, I'm sorry!

Also, I am terrible at debating, because even when I have things to say, I can never say them right. Harrumph. Facebook politics make me itchy for this reason.

Even more, I only have like three stories. And two jokes. I'm terribly unoriginal and unwitty 99% of the time.

3. I'm a dumbass.

I do lots of stupid shit. (My last big one was locking my key into my gym locker.) I also say a lot of stupid shit, without realizing it. Sometimes I find out that I've offended someone or irritated someone, and then I am so anxious and sorry about--I promise, I didn't mean it! I'm just dumb! Sorry! I'm sorry!

4. I make excuses.

See? I should somehow know better than to say dumb things before they come out. Also, my knee hurts. And I have a headache again.

5. I'm lazy.

Can't go to the gym if my knee hurts. Can't I sleep in? Waah, I'm so tired. But instead of doing reading that could make me more interesting or more knowledgeable, I browse flickr. Instead of writing thoughtful blog posts, I flip through Jezebel and Gothamist on googlereader. I stay up late doing nothing important instead of going to bed at a reasonable time.


6. MY FACE

My face is crooked and my neutral expression looks unhappy. Also, it turns red. Like, all the time, any time. Sometimes I can feel it, but the horror I've learned this year is that my face turns red without me even realizing it! What the heck! Seriously, it's been making me really anxious lately. I hate my face. Also, it manages to be both shiny and too dry. Lovely.

7. I have trouble letting go. 

Often I don't leave parties early because I don't want to miss out. I don't want to be the nineteenth wheel the next day when everyone is laughing about this one shared experience that you really had to be there for. I average over a thousand pictures a month, and many of them could be deleted. But...what if, you know? Maybe in a year I'll want three versions of that tree branch, and five versions of me standing in front of it. Argh. I have lots of books. I brought a handful with me when I moved here, leaving probably five boxes in my dad's garage. Now I have almost two full bookshelves filled with books. I've been able to get rid of the ones I don't like and that I know I won't read or read again...but that's not been very many. I hold onto books for probably too long, because what if I want to read them again?

On either the flip side or more of the same, I have trouble being in the present. I'm very guilty of only looking ahead, looking forward to something else that's different and therefore better than whatever's happening now. It's hard to slow down and experience things fully. 

8. I'm basically an old person.

I hate loud noise and loud music. I hate crowds. I hate being out late on a school night. Half the time I probably can't hear you. I am often covered in aches and pains.