03/23/02: Isn't that weird? We just finished our fourth week at Harford Heights, and now it's been two months in Perry Point. Crazy. It really doesn't feel like it's been that long, but at the same time it feels much longer. You know how it goes.

This week, like most of them, flew by. Thank goodness, too, because I'm still always tired. But it was a fairly good week, nice and busy. On Wednesday, a group of us stayed in Baltimore to do an ISP with the Bea Gaddy Family Shelter. We've been working with them for at least a month now. Sandra (one of Bea's daughters and the one who runs the show now) is just the coolest lady. So kind and caring. Anyway, there was a whole bunch of donated sandwiches (most frozen) and milk and dessert, plus some blankets. We were in front of City Hall, in War Memorial Plaza, for about an hour and almost all the food was given out. It was great. Oh, and we always park our van in the Mayor's reserved parking space. I see a kind of poetic justice in that, you know? We all get a kick out of being the Mayor, if only vehicularly speaking. There was a reverend and some others from Sandra's church at the Plaza as well, they were so nice. At the end of the evening, we all held hands and there was a prayer and song. Y'all know I'm totally not into religious stuff, but I went along with it and I enjoyed it. I liked the atmosphere of acceptance and love. The circle happened to morph into a heart shape at the end of it. Oh, and you know what else is cool? Every time we're in the van on the way home from Bea Gaddy work, Phil Collins' version of True Colors plays on the radio. Love that.

We all have such a great time on ISPs, and usually end up discussing volunteerism and service. How everyone needs to get involved. How incredibly easy it is. Rarely does it include actual labor, it's more like just being there for people. And the labor isn't difficult or anything. How very gratifying it is, and that we get much more out of it than the project sponsor. So I'm here to urge you to take up President Bush on his challenge for every citizen to pledge 4000 hours of service over their lifetime. It really is easy, it hardly takes any effort or even much time.

Last night, Thursday, we had the second of our now-weekly Team Function nights. Mandi and I were in charge of the planning; we went bowling in the exciting township of Elkton. We also had construction paper, a sheet with each team member's name, on which we all wrote something we liked or appreciated about that person. Mine was mostly serious stuff, about dedication and passion and all that boring, responsible crap. :) It was a really fun night. We didn't have to time to do the reflection/service learning discussion, and it was great to just be together as people. I got a pretty decent score of 70. Yay me! And I wasn't even in last place, I was ahead of two or three other people. Anyway, we all had a good time.

And now it's Friday!! Woo! I'm excited. Nothing too exciting is going on this weekend. There are two big ISPs going on. Another afternoon with Bea Gaddy tomorrow, I'll be going to that. Since I'm the ISP coordinator for the team, I've also been putting together plans for the Special Olympics Maryland on Sunday. It sounds like a lot of fun, and the lady I talked to was so great, I'd love to go, but I need a day off. There's a bunch of incredible projects in the coming weekends, through April. We're going to stay busy! I've got 30 hours already. We only need 80 for the entire ten months, but I'm all for getting it done early, especially with the cold weather. By the time it's hot, we'll be able to lounge around the beach or wherever on the weekends and not worry about ISPs.

Oh, that reminds me. A whole bunch of disasters have struck, like five states' worth. You all probably know that, but we're amazingly isolated. I don't have a tv and never watch any. Some people do have one and get all of three fuzzy stations, and probably actually watch stuff. The only time I've been in front of a television lately is to watch movies. But even that is rare, just because there's so little time to do anything. But back to the point. There's 30 people from my campus getting pulled from projects to do Red Cross disaster relief. My neighbor is going, and a few others from local projects. But they pull people on spike, too. I guess we won't get called out this round, they don't like to pull people from educational projets. We were discussing it today, and how much it would suck to leave practically right away (they had less than 48 hours' notice) and not get to say goodbye to our kids.

03/15/02: Woo, it's Friday! I am thrilled. Today was a great day.

I went with a teammate to a doctor's appointment. (We can't take the van out on our own.) So that took up most of the day, I only got back to school for the last hour and a half. When the kids came in from music, they were all excited to see me. I was happy to see them too. I missed them. They are so cute! The weather was WARM today. Warm! Like summer almost! It was beautiful. The van ride home was even fun, with the windows down and music blaring. Party in the government van, baby.

We were so psyched about the weather that some of us played ultimate frisbee after getting home. In other words, we did voluntary PT. Rather incredible, I must say. It was fun. So warm and lovely. It was 71 degrees at 6pm today.

And now it's the weekend! How cool is that? I can't wait to relax. There's an ISP tomorrow morning that I'm going to, and while I won't get to wake up at noon, it is an hour later than we meet during the week. So it is kind of sleeping in. And it should be nice to do some physical labor. This project is all mental, so I'm looking forward to something different.

Had the house inspection tonight, and I was completely ill-prepared. My room failed, so I need to have it ready for random re-inspection sometime this weekend. Not like this is a surprise to anyone who knows me, but can I just say that I don't really care about cleaning? Especially having to do it every week. Argh. What doesn't kill us makes us stronger, right?

03/12/02: Well, sorry that it's been awhile. We've just been working with the kids in school. It's the third week at Harford Heights, and the honeymoon period is definitely wearing off.

My class is pretty cool. There are 11 boys and four girls. The girls always behave and the boys always get in trouble and get lots of negative attention. But most of them are really smart. They read quite well and some of them are great writers. They do lots of reading and writing, and math, and science. I help out with random stuff, small group tutoring, some individual attention, too. This week I gave the spelling test and read a story during Read Aloud time. They have Resource once a day, I've gone to art, music, PE and library with them and I have a blast. I love playing. In art last week, we made pipe cleaner animals and people, it was great. I love playing, sometimes I wish I was still in elementary school.

Last weekend some of my teammates and I spent the weekend in Baltimore. It was a fun time. We went to Fells Point to all the clubs and bars. On Friday night two of us visited eight bars over the course of the evening! We finally got to dance, and I was thrilled. On Sunday we went to the Walters Art Museum, with an Impressionist exhibit, and some great Greek, Roman and Egyptian stuff. I felt very cultured. Except spoiled, too, because I kept expecting the museum displays to be bigger and have more stuff. I suppose I've been to the Louvre too many times. :)

I think that's about all that's going on. I am always really tired, because getting up at 6.15 just is not cool with my body. I would need to be in bed by 8pm to get enough sleep every night, and yeah right. We are really busy, somehow. I swear we don't do that much, but I feel like I have no time for anything. I don't even have time to read and relax. But at least I'm not bored.

02/26/02: On Sunday, the rest of the Fire Unit left on spike. My roommates both left really early, I got up to say goodbye. It was so weird to think of not having them around for two months. While everyone was here, I always looked forward to seeing who else was home, getting a bite to eat, sharing stories of our day, and sitting around gossiping and bitching about CTI or annoying people or manwhores or what have you. And now they're gone, and it's incredibly depressing to come home to an empty, silent and dark house. There's no one to talk to. It's so lonely! Even more so than before. Boo hoo.

The good thing is that the team is wanting to do stuff together. Last night some people got together to watch Moulin Rouge. Tonight, in like five minutes, the three of us that live on the same street are going to have dinner together. It kind of sucks that we haven't had the intense bonding that first-round spike would bring, but it seems like we're trying to do what we can.

This week our project finally commenced. Yesterday we had an orientation/tour of the school, after arriving an hour late, anyway. The principal, Mrs Green, is so fabulous. She's really excited about quality education and not letting anyone slip through the cracks. It's so inspirational.

Today we actually got to go into the classrooms. It was a really interesting day! I'm in second grade with Ms. Streat's class. There's about twelve students, I think. (No class has more than 18 kids. Isn't that amazing?) It seems to be a semi-rowdy bunch. There are more boys than girls in the class and they get loud and disruptive. But overall, the kids seem pretty cool. Some of them took to me right away and wanted to hold my hand. At first, some of the boys told me I had a big nose like Pinocchio. But things definitely got better after thatI was able to start right away working in small grouips. I helped out with reading and then math. There's some really smart kids in there, but there are also some who are at a completely different level. I tried to bring them out and help them answer the questions themselves, but it took so long and the rest of the class was moving on.

All of us NCCC folks are on for lunch duty every day, which is also interesting. The entire second grade eats lunch together, and we're supposed to keep an eye out, make sure everyone is behaving, and help collect the trash. I talked to a bunch of the kids, they were curious about me and the rest of us.

Well, crap, I have to go now. I've got laundry that needs to go to the dryer, and that dinner's gonna start. So I'll continue this later and hopefully will have more details and interesting stories.

02/21/02: Woo. This week has been a busy one. We finally found out the location of our projects. My team will be staying here at Perry Point, excitement capital of the world. We will be working in an elementary school in East Baltimore, tutoring kids in pre-K to 2nd grade, in literacy. I really wanted to go on spike this round, and see some new places, but I'm excited for this. I think it will be great. I'm looking forward to Monday, our first day.

So we've been here a month, we're all settled and we're in a groove. We know what's going on and we're (relatively) comfortable. And this weekend two-thirds of our unit leaves for spike projects. One of my roommates is going to Long Island, and the other is going to Alabama. I'm going to be in our house, all alone, for two whole months. Oh my goodness. I'm sad, it's fun at our house. Sometimes it's quiet, but usually people are around chatting and having a good time, enjoying our clever interior design. (Maybe I'll share our secret later on. But for now you'll just have to wonder.) And my roommates are great, I like them a lot. I am going to miss them! They're gonna send me postcards of the great time they're having, and I'll be stuck here. In Perry Point. Woo.

Tomorrow is the official ceremony that inducts us as Americorps Members. Today we had a local project at a state park in Delaware. We painted buildings all day long. My hands are stained brown from the oil paint we used. The coveralls that I wore to paint had handprints on the chest and ass. Hee. The sun came out and warmed us. It warmed us a little too much, but I suppose that's much preferable to being chilled. Yes, indeed. Let's see. Went to the bar last night, a good number of us NCCC folks were there. It's nice to see familiar faces together in different places. My god that was corny and didn't even make sense. I apologize.

02/16/02: Well, well, well...I am thrilled that this week is finally over. The training was SO boring and pointless and silly. My foot is much better, it feels fine. However, my nasty strep-wannabe got much worse. One night this week I couldn't even sleep for all the nose and throat problems. Then had to sit through the stupid training crap, needing to cough and barely able to breathe. And, of course, it was Valentine's Day. That was also thrilling, but...not so much. Some of my team members gave us all little treats, which was fun. The next morning we had AM PT and that sucked too. It's tough to run or walk briskly without breathing deeply, for fear of dislodging the ever-present and oh-so-attractive phlegm. The sunrise was lovely, though. I don't see too many of those.

So now it's finally the weekend and WOOHOO! Like I mentioned, I am so happy that this week is done with. No more boring training crap! And on Tuesday we find out the location for our first project round. Ashley knows already but she can't tell us. Terrible. I'll have to get shots on Tuesday as well, but I'm a grownup, I can deal with that. I think. I hope. My roommates have gone to Philly, some teammates have gone to NYC, and still others are in DC. Me, I'm happy to be at home and relaxing. The last two weekends have been crazy hectic, so I'm thoroughly enjoying some time off. Today so far I have slept in, gotten laundry started, and painted my toenails. It's a long weekend, and I'll probably get bored tomorrow, but that's fine, I'll be okay.

And hey, it's now been over three weeks here. Just in case you were wondering. :)

02/12/02: Waah. In the past three day my health has significantly declined. My throat hurts and I'm stuffy and phlegmy. And I have plantar fasciitis (yeah, I'd never heard of it either. It's a foot thing that runners get...look it up.) The doctor gave me crutches and said to stay off of it for a week, and gave me giant ibuprofen pills, too. I'm not so sure I need crutches after reading up, but it's better safe than sorry. And I'm not even sure how it happened. I've been doing lots of walking in the past two weeks, and not always in the best shoes. Last week I did run a little bit, like a mile and a half or something. That might have done it, who knows. I certainly need better athletic shoes...I still wear the trainers that I first got in, like, eighth grade or something. Pretty sad, eh?

This week we're doing FOUR DAYS of training for Red Cross Disaster Relief. It's pretty boring and we all fall asleep. But I am trying to pay attention, because I do want to do the whole disaster thing.

Oh, and the Day of Love is two days away. Have I already mentioned that St Valentine can kiss my ass?

02/10/02: Hi there again. It's only been a couple days but I actually have the time to spend here now.

This weekend most of my team got a jump start on our ISPs. We have to do 80 hours of Independent Service Projects. On Saturday we helped out at a local food bank (labeling bags of pretzels with stickers that said "0.5g of fat per serving"), and also spent a few hours at one of the nearby Boys & Girls' Clubs, playing basketball, jump rope, and coloring with kids. Today, Sunday, six of us drove to Baltimore to volunteer with another food bank place. It was a really cool place, run for 20 years by a woman named Bea Gaddy. Last Thanksgiving she and her team of volunteers fed 45,000 people! With 2500 turkeys! Sadly, she passed away last fall, but her daughter has taken the operation over. It was great to know we were helping. I think we were supposed to help hand out food and the like, but we ended up cleaning the house next door that they use for storage and stuff. It was filthy, so we moved things around, straightened and consolidated boxes, swept and mopped. They gave us a nice chocolate cake for our efforts. We hope to volunteer with them again; every Sunday they hand out food and blankets to people living under the bridges and on grates.

So there's sickness going around already...a guy across the street has bronchitis. One of my roommates is on his team and her throat has been hurting. And my throat has been scratchy today. Beware communal living.

Last night we had an exciting night, three vans drove a bunch of us to Bel Air. There's a Target, a cheap cinema, a Barnes & Noble, and some restaurants. We were there for five long hours (none of the movies playing sounded good, so we bummed around the whole time). I bought two books at B&N (both on sale, of course), and some stuff at Target, including a full-length mirror (at last! the whole picture!) and wall-hanging devices.

This afternoon when we were done at the food place, we drove to the Inner Harbor to have some lunch. It was a really neat place. Several complexes of stores, and museums, an aquarium, and some ships in the water. We ate at a pizza restaurant and then spent an hour in that Barnes & Noble, where I bought three more books (still on sale, of course). So once again I can't buy stuff, but I should be okay for awhile.

02/08/02: So now it's been two weeks. Man, that's crazy.

So last weekend I did end up going to Washington, DC. Three people from my team and some other girl. We left on Saturday morning, on the Greyhound bus. Even that part was a bit of an adventure, there were no seats on the first leg. Happily, at Baltimore we got seats. The freeway goes right by the Ravens stadium, and Camden Yards is next door. It looks really nice, and I hope I get to see a game or two there. Go Mariners!

Anyway, we finally got in to DC at 11.30. Walked to Union Station and took the Metro (which is fabulous and I love it) to the hostel that we'd found online. Got that all sorted out and then went back into town, to the Mall. Started at the White House and then walked toward the Capitol Building. Stopped into the Smithsonian American History Museum for an hour. By then I was pretty worn out already so I took some time to just sit and relax. Plus, it was freezing cold outside, extra-cold wind, but fortunately the sun was out. That made us feel better, if not feel our extremities. We wanted to visit the Washington Monument and go up it, but it's closed for renovation. Walked part of the way to the Lincoln Memorial, but the sun was setting, so we headed back up to the Washington Memorial for sunset photos.

By then we were all cold, tired and increasingly hungry. The others found a restaurant in the guidebook we had with us, and so we took the Metro to the Adams Morgan district, to the Red Sea, an Ethiopan place. I had some of the bread, that was it. The others seemed to really like the food and the hands-on approach. The infamous Madam's Organ bar happened to be right next door, so we went over for a drink. I only stayed for one, and I think the others stayed until closing. Sunday morning we didn't get up as early as we'd planned. Ate breakfast at a great little place called Mark's Kitchen. Then we went back downtown to the Holocaust Museum. Unfortunately we only had an hour and a half before we had to go to catch the bus. The part I saw was amazing, though, I wished I'd had more time to read everything and ponder more. Pretty emotional stuff. I'm glad we went, even for a short time.

This week has gone really quickly for me, it's already Friday again. We had our military physicals on Tuesday, that was a long and boring day. We had a drug and alcohol awareness day that was pretty useless. The only thing we got out of it was this phrase: There's no shame in our humanness. It works in pretty much any situation. Oh, we got certified for CPR/First Aid. That's kind of cool. Everyone who doesn't do fire training will be trained for Red Cross disaster relief. That will be all next week. In a weird way, I'm excited to do disaster relief, it seems like good work.

Three times this week for PT, we did the firewalk. It's a bit under three miles, I believe. Yesterday we ran it. Well, I ran about half and then finally gave in to my tiring legs and lungs. I'm sore today, but it feels good to challenge my weak body, you know?

It snowed on Monday, it was very pretty. I was sad to see it melt the same day. Since then the weather has warmed to 40s and 50s, and the sun has returned.

Next week we'll find out where we go on our first project round. We're all hoping to go on spike, no one wants to stay around here. There's a Habitat for Humanity project going on down south that sounds really good, and three in Brooklyn. I can't wait to get out there and start working!

I suppose I better go, people are waiting for the computers. Sometimes I miss the good old days of home. Take care everyone and write soon!

02/01/02: Woo, happy February, all!

So I've been here a week now, it's hard to believe. It's gone quickly but lots has happened. This week we had two days of seminar workshops at the nearby Cecil Community College (we are in Cecil County here in Perry Point. Interestingly, the local paper is called the Cecil Whig.), Monday it was Diversity Training, Wednesday we did Conflict Management. The first one was okay, parts were pretty boring, and I've been through all that kind of stuff several times before. I did enjoy some of the activities. But overall, it wasn't a very interesting day. Wednesday, though, was great. The speaker/facilitator guy was just fabulous, really funny and dynamic, but really smart and knew what to say and how to say it. So we all enjoyed that day, even though there weren't too many actual activities, it was an interesting and fun workshop.

The other day our whole team learned about our van, and we changed a tire. It took awhile, and we got dirty, but we did it. On Wednesday we had our first team PT (physical training) session. We don't run laps or do miles of situps or anything like in the army, we just play aerobic games for 45 minutes. Wednesday we played Ultimate, but with a nerf ball instead of a frisbee. It was really fun, and a lot easier than with frisbees (I'm not so good at the throwing, only a teeny bit better with the catching). Tonight we ran for a couple minutes, then played foursquare. I remembered why elementary school wasn't my favorite time period. :)

This morning we learned about all the tools that we have here and that we'll be using on our projects. After that parts of two teams drove in a van to Delaware for our first real project. I really wanted to call someone to say, Hi, We're in...Delaware. Anyway, we were in a town called Brandywine (isn't that a great name for a town?), on the Brandywine River, where there are a bunch of 19th century mills. There's a historical cannon that weighs 90 tons and needs to be transported to a park or museum or something, where it will be on display and that a million people a year will visit. So in order to transport it, they need a truck/trailer with some lumber stacked to support it. Our job was to finish getting the lumber stacked. There were big piles of long boards filled with nails and ties and all kinds of stuff. We had to get all that out, with fun tools like wrecking bars (a big crowbar), hammers, and sledgehammers. I had a lot of fun with the sledgehammer. Girl Power. :) Oh, and that part was indoors, in the mill itself, so after the boards were okay we had to bring them out to the truck and get them situated. It took four or five to do that, the boards were big, heavy, and dirty too. We all got pretty yucky. But I like getting dirty, because then you know you did something. I think we'll all be sore tomorrow, though.

I got some pictures back, and I have some of our house and my room and the view. I'll try to send some 'round...and hopefully I'll find a scanner to put a bunch of stuff up.

This week I also went to the local and nearest bar, the Rendez Vous. We're going back tonight, and I might go to Washington for the weekend. It's so cool how near we are to so many places, and almost all of them I've never seen. Exciting!

Well, that's all I'll do for now...keep writing, y'all! Take care!

01/28/02: Hi everyone! I'm in Perry Point, Maryland with Americorps NCCC. I've been here since Thursday...so that would be five days? Wow. It seems like more than that.

Wednesday night at the airport, there were twelve or thirteen of us all flying here together. So we gathered and talked a bit about whatever. It was nice, to get to know some people right away. The flight to Detroit was three and a half hours, then we had an hour layover, and another hour to Baltimore. The Americorps people picked us up at the airport and drove us to the campus (Perry Point is a VA hospital complex). Right away we started on paperwork and all that. We got to see our housing. Everyone lives in houses that are 50+ years old. Most of them have six to eight people in them, with bunk beds and everything. A few of us lucked out and got three-person houses. I was so happy to find that out! I get my own room--that is so fabulous. We went back and got outfitted with uniforms and got ID badges, all that fun stuff. They gave us breakfast, lunch and dinner.

I have two housemates, another Seattle-area girl (Kelly) and a girl from Indiana (Jen). They're both really nice, and I think we'll have a nice year. They're under 21, though, and jealous that I can go out if I want (well, and not get in trouble, anyway). Our house was a disaster area; they only got it the week we arrived, instead of six weeks before. So we had no refrigerator, no shower curtain, few working light bulbs, no blinds, only one key, really bad hardwood floors, cobwebs and dead bugs all over the place...pretty nasty. On Friday we spent most of the day cleaning, and we went shopping for a few things. They gave us a fridge, too. But there's still lots to be done.

Over the weekend, we found out our teams that we'll work with for the year (and live with, too, when we're out on projects (off the campus). It was exciting. I think our team will be a good one, I think we'll have fun. We have three Washingtonians, three Iowans, two Texans, and three lefties. But really, we're diverse. :) Our team is Fire 4. There are two units of the campus, Fire and Ice, and each unit has nine teams. This week we get to come up with a unique name for our team and for our team van.

Also, on Saturday, we had our first shopping expedition! It was truly an adventure. We get government vouchers for a certain amount of money per day, all together for a week's worth of food. And only one or two people per house get to go to the store. So I went for our house, with $140 for nine days' time. It was crazy, so much food! My cart was full and really heavy. The people with seven housemates needed two carts. Anyway, I got a lot of stuff, and most of it is healthy, and we're so far eating dinner together so we can share food and stuff. It's fun.

Sunday I got one of the shuttle vans to Target. It was exciting, since most of us don't have cars and we were stocking up on things to make our houses nice and homey and all that. I got a little stereo, and some kitchen towels, things like that. Our house is still really bare, but we can't afford to buy lots of stuff to decorate with. We're trying, though. Someone found purple plastic Easter grass and arranged it on top of the mantel. I've got my christmas lights up in my room.

So. A little more about where I am. Perry Point is the VA complex, a mini community inside the town of Perryville. Baltimore is about half-hour's drive from here, Washington an hour, I think. There's actually a train station really close to us, and trains go to both of those places, I don't know where else. Chesapeake Bay is only a couple hundred yards away from our house, and my window looks right out onto the sunset over the water. It's really beautiful. The weather here has been very pleasant, almost warm the past couple days. The Susquehanna River empties into the bay from Perryville, 444 miles from its start in Cooperstown, NY. There's a lighthouse at the river junction, the Carver? Lighthouse, the oldest continuously-operated lighthouse in the US, according to the sign we saw today. Havre-de-Grace is just across the bridge from Perryville, and Aberdeen is on the far side of that (that's where we go to the grocery store and the Target).

There are 178 corps members on this campus, most of them girls. Sadly, most of the cute boys are the Team Leaders, which means technically they're off limits. Damn. But everyone here seems really nice and very excited about starting our terms of service. It's so great to be around people who all have a passion for service, and yet who are all so different, you konw? Thirty-four states are represented by our group. I've met a lot of Southerners and a lot of Midwesterners. I'm picking up the accents ridiculously fast. Well, not picking up, cause I knew them before, but I find myself adopting them almost right away. And actually, the past couple days, I've noticed a drawl in my voice, even when I'm not around Southerners. But that's fun. Y'all know how I love to play with accents anyway. :)

I think I'll stop there for now. This week and the next two weeks we'll be training for the year. I don't know yet what projects we'll be doing. I have the dates of them, but not right in front of me. So I'll update as much as I can. You can read my journals from the past few months while waiting. Okay? :)

Oh, and write me or call me, everyone!

Happy New Year! Did you have a nice one? Mine wasn't bad, actually. I had fun. I worked a double shift yesterday, and had to work today also. It was sort of funny, everybody had a story about their evening. We were all feeling out of sorts, some more than others. I just generally felt like crap. This afternoon I had a nice nap. Quite a relief.

So. It's been raining since afternoon, and windy too. Though I don't love being in the rain, I like the sound of the drops on the roof and the wind through the trees. It's soothing, somehow. That's one of the things I miss most about Bellingham, they have wonderful windstorms there, being right on the water. My old dorm was surrounded by trees, and the sounds of the raging winds was like a release. Ah, the good old days.

It is so weird that it's a new year, and that it's 2002. It sounds funny, you know? I wonder what is in store, for the world, for little me? This time last year seems eons ago. I hope there are some interesting things, at least. January is a weird month, it is so bleak and plain in my head. I hate not knowing what's ahead for me, too. Just impatient, I suppose.

I have declared a temporary ban on trips to the library. Somehow, I have ended up with a growing pile of new, non-library books that I need to read. Since for some reason I haven't been able to read more than one book at a time, I'm determined to make a dent in my pile. But there's so much good stuff! There's one about Paris, there's the new one by Stephen King, and even the old feminist classic, Backlash. I look forward to reading it all.

What is it with self-esteem? More specifically, my lack of it? Is it normal, does everyone despair at every glance in the mirror? Yesterday, while gussying up for the goings-on, I felt so depressingly resigned to look like shit. It was awful. Lately those kinds of thoughts haven't been too loud in my head, but they're rearing back into gear right quick. And it sucks. I feel like there's no reason to even try, since it doesn't make a difference, and it's not like there's anyone to impress. If people aren't dazzled by my razor-sharp wit, then to hell with them, right? Ha. Right.

Only a few short days until the New Year. Very odd, I feel like this year has just sped by. A lot of things have happened. My life has seen some new and interesting things happen or change. Here is what I have done in the past six months: graduated from college, traveled around three new countries, fell in love with Greece and Italy, bought a new car, finally quit Starbucks, drove down the West Coast alone, moved to Los Angeles, where I sought work, saw famous people, and secured a brief but educational internship, moved home, found new jobs, not once but twice, and had a crappy-ass 22nd birthday. Whew! Quite impressive. I really must remember this when I feel depressed at my life's aimlessness and lack of exciting stuff.

Yesterday I watched the movie "crazy/beautiful." It was amazing. Understated but meaningful. The direction, script, cinematography all came together to make an incredible film. Movies are so cool. I can't wait to move back to LA and learn more about the whole process. I think I would be a good set dresser. It would put to great use my attention to detail and obtuseness. And I want to perform, but I don't know that movies or tv would be my ideal thing. I would love to get in a theatre class and do some plays and just have fun. That would be so wonderful.

Anyway. Earlier last week, two friends and I went to the Seattle Art Museum for the exhibition of Annie Leibovitz' latest project, called "Women." It was incredible. The photographs were stunning and thought-provoking. I loved the way she put the exhibition together, contrasting images. For instance, at one spot, on the left were two stark, black-and-white close-ups of battered women, and on the right was a photo of three middle-aged Texan socialites, looking so self-important and disdainful. It was a powerful juxtaposition, one example of the division of labor and power in our country.

Happy Boxing Day! Yes, it's the Day After Christmas. It was only a few months ago that I actually found out what Boxing Day actually is. Interesting. My mom left for Spain today. Have fun, don't do anything I wouldn't do. Tee hee.

Oh, by the way, in case anyone was curious (what a joke, since that would require anyone reading this nonsense!), the next day I tried to finish the waxing. It didn't hurt as much, perhaps because I knew what to expect. Either way, it was still uncomfortable, but it's not like leg nerves are that sensitive. Right?

So Christmas sucks. I was in a crappy mood (as I was last year, if i recall), and I was astonishingly tired. At the family dinner on Christmas Eve, I felt soberly intoxicated. Meaning, I had to concentrate on enunciating words and it took a large amount of energy to stand up, also not to fall over or run into things while standing. It was terrible. I can't wait to be on my own for the holidays, to be depressed without having to report to family or whatnot. (Dude, I hate people that say "whatnot.")

Christmas morning, we awoke to a breathtaking sunrise, brilliant blue sky, a beautiful vista of the snow-capped Mt Rainier and surrounding foothills. That part wasn't so bad. I wouldn't have minded snow, but sunshine was the next best thing.

The job is going pretty well. I'm still not entirely sure of myself, but I can tell I'm improving. That's all anyone can ask of me, right? Yup. Plus, there are boys. Some of whom are actually cute. Woohoo! That makes work ever so much more fun and interesting. In general, the folks there seem pretty genial. Haven't met any kindred spirits just yet, but that's not really expected anymore.

This weekend there was a fun, all-night soiree to celebrate the graduations of two friends. Congratulations! And it was fun. Even if I still haven't recovered from the lack of sleep, I had a good time. Many games were played. We stayed up way too late. Just like the old days. :)

December 16: Yes, I won't be driving to Maryland. Hopefully I can drive back, if Dad and company can drive my car out during the summer sometime. I would love to be able to explore the sites of the East Coast while I'm so close. Can I tell you how much I'm looking forward to this Americorps thing? I can't wait. I know that it's going to be difficult and trying and ass-kicking. But that just makes me itch even more to get out there and prove my mettle. I can do it. I'm up to the challenge.

Finished my first week at my new job, training. This week it will be for real. Eek, I always feel unsure of myself in new places for a bit. I hope it goes okay. I've met some neat people. I'm told I did well and learned quickly. We'll see.

Today I had my first experience with home leg-waxing. It was interesting. Not what I thought. It was messy and awkward. It certainly hurt, but it wasn't the mind-blowing pain one hears about. Rather, it's a grit-your-teeth-and-just-get-it-done-with sort of pain. Like if men had to do it, they'd be clenching nails betwixt their teeth and grunting loudly. Actually, I grunted. In an attempt to transfer some of the energy from the pulling and the pain, like the noise-making distracts or surprises the nerve endings, so that instead of, "Yow!" they turn their little nerve endings and say, "Hey, what was that?" It certainly took a lot of grit to pull the damn things off. Talk about steeling oneself. Man. I didn't know I could do something like that.

I should say, though, that I only did a little bit. Maybe five on each leg. I figure that's a plenty good start, for my first time. Right?

December 7, 2001. Several things: one, it looks like the driving thing is out, due to way too much danger and uncertainty. Which is okay. That gives me more time to work while still at home, meaning: earn money. Speaking of money...I got a new job today! Woo! If you would like to know more about it, you'll have to contact me, and prove that you're there, or here, or... I'm saying this because I know no one is there and thus there is no point anyway. Or something, I'm confused now. But anyway, it's very exciting! No more boring filing slave status! Good thing too; I've been so bored out of my skull that I coudn't even sleep.And hey, this whole Green River dude all of a sudden, is this creepy or what? I hope they get it solved and can connect him to all the crimes and get his ass in jail. Ick. People are weird, dude, especially people that kill people. It's so unreal, you know?

Happy Today. I fixed up Christmas lights today--yay!! Sitting right now in my friendly warm glow. Love it. :) Can I tell you how much I am loving this all-day Christmas radio? Yes, I am a giant cheeseball, I don't care anymore!Got a paycheck too, so twas a nice day. Tomorrow I work again. I've had an entire middle-week off. This is pretty sad, people. I mean, I know no one is out there, but come on! Why isn't anyone there? Good grief!

I have thus decided to drive across the country. Happily and thankfully and potentially disastrously, one or both parentals might well accompany for various bits of the trip. There are many details to work and much money to save up! It's gonna be an interesting trip, that's for darn sure. Friday and Monday were spent at this other temp job. It was interesting. I did more than just file. I highlighted. Woo!I can't believe it's almost the end of November and that Christmas is less than a month away and the way time has flown since June.

Happy Post-Thanksgiving. My holiday was pretty quiet, not very exciting. I'm not a big Thanksgiving fan, mostly because of the ignored inherent racism, but also in large part due to the fact that I don't eat any Thanksgiving food. Last year I had two rolls and dessert. This year I really pigged out, with two rolls, a yogurt, and dessert. Whew, I was so full.

Yesterday I got an unexpected call to go to work, with the other temp agency. So, with the prospect of much-needed money luring me out of bed, I agreed. Yay.

Oh! More news regarding Julie's future. I finally got the information packet from Americorps. I am going to Maryland at the end of January, which we knew already. But now I have more details about what to bring and what's going to happen. Not the missions or anything, that doesn't happen til we get there, but the structure of things. They're gonna make us do a lot of physical training. Which, perversely, I am looking forward to. I need discipline to get off my butt and get active.

The car thing is my current quandary. There's no point in keeping it at home for ten months, and it would be wonderful to have a car in Maryland, seeing as how the campus is in the middle of nowhere. With a car, I can explore the entire Eastern seaboard, which I've never seen. So I should take the car with me. The problem is how to get it there. Driving across the entire country in the dead of snowy, blizzardy winter would be dangerous, especially as I'll most likely be on my own. Shipping it would cost way too much money. So we need to do some problem-solving, and quickly.

Happy Friday the 16th of November. I saw the Harry Potter movie this afternoon. It was pretty good. Especially for a book adaptation. Thanksgiving is next week, and I didn't even know it until yesterday. Time moves too quickly upon me, I get confused. They are showing the Buffy musical again tonight. Did y'all catch it last week? I liked it. Cheesy but in a good fun way. I am "proctoring" a test this weekend. Exciting, huh? At least it will get me out of the house for awhile.