Uh oh

I woke up with a start around 8am today, and bolted to my piles of classroom stuff.

Oh no!

I left my bin of school supplies in my classroom!

Then I tried frantically to remember what was in there. I hoard things so I haven't had to refill it much over the last three years. Post its, overhead pens, scotch tape, who knows what else.

This is really going to bother me. Should I just forget it and leave the bin as a surprise gift for the next teacher? Should I try to go in and retrieve it? Hopefully when submitting a letter of resignation? Have a friendly colleague take some choice items for me and leave the rest?

Then I started thinking about my classroom and a stranger opening up that bin to find so many teacher treasures. What will become of my legacy? I imagine kids coming to visit me next year, asking and looking for me, and some cranky stranger will be all, "I don't know who that is. Now leave us alone!" Will the kids remember me? Will my colleagues care? What will that stranger think of my room? Will they appreciate the library that's still decent even without all the books I built it up with (you can bet your butt I have all those here with me)? Will they know how to spell?

Or will all this be moot because I'll be right back there again?

Or will it be moot because the kids won't care? (haha, no, I think this crop of kids would definitely care. And I definitely care about them, I still want to find a way to check in on them somehow, even if I'm gone.)

I really hope I won't be back there to find out. In a way it makes me really sad and scared to close that chapter of my life. It's the only thing I've known for the last four years. It's what's kept me in New York for two years (soon to be three?) beyond my original commitment. It's made me a few friends and it's also made me even more intolerable of lazy, nonteaching, so-called professionals who can't use proper grammar and spelling. It's made me realize that I don't want to be in charge of other grown-ups, because grown-ups are often more immature than kids are, and you can't yell at or admonish adults (without serious attitude and consequences, at least). It's made me really appreciate the schedule and freedom to travel.

You can bet this will haunt my dreams for the summer. I only wish I was being overdramatic.