Birthday fun!

So last night ended up being a little more than just a dinner out for my birthday.

Husband had me meet him in the city "to help him run an errand." Well, I figured there was something in there and indeed there was--the "errand" was the Apple store! He bought us both iPhone4s!! Wow!

See, I have always had the free phone and kept them for years. Kind of prided myself on not needing or wanting the latest shiny gadgets. But...then texting kind of became a necessary thing, and the piece o crap phone can text but it takes for.ev.er. The phone has actually been malfunctioning with incoming calls lately too.

So in the last couple months I've starting feeling twinges of Gadget Desire. I'm a little ashamed, but I kept thinking of ways it would help me (like remembering where I parked, adding things to a to-do list while out and about, being able to write a text with punctuation!), and I finally started to accept that yes, I actually wanted a New Fancy Phone.

Obviously Husband was aware of this, and we've talked about it. But still, he wasn't supposed to just buy me a brand new one! I've made him promise not to buy anything for Christmas. :)

But man, it's pretty exciting. It's all shiny and new, it takes video, I took some photos this afternoon, there are games, I can check email while out and about. Whee, there are so many fun things to do!

Anyway, so we got the phones ready to go and then we went to a lovely dinner nearby. Had a tasty frozen margarita and a big chunk of chocolate cake. (With real food in between, of course.)

The night wasn't over then--Husband also bought us theater tickets! We saw In the Heights. It was good! Some great performances, plus lots of dancing!

We came home and immediately started playing with and setting up the iPhones. :) Lots of fun to be had. I played with it today and am starting to get a feel for things. Any recommendations for good free apps? So far I got facebook, flickr, yelp, and google, and a few card games.

Oh! I attempted a photo project as another way to celebrate my birthday and make a memorable product. I thought it would be fun to do thirty-one jumps! And I would get other people to jump with me, and find interesting new places.
Well...thirty-one different things/places is kind of a lot. I made it to eleven. :) I got two guest stars (not including Husband, who did two with me) and jumped in three boroughs!

Ack, this post has kind of been all over the place. In sum, it was a long, fun birthday!

three-one

Oh my goodness, it's my birthday!

This has been a weird fall because it's the same schedule as my first year in New York, my first year teaching. Six years ago, my birthday also fell on a Monday. I had been teaching for barely a month. I had no friends. I had zero social life. On my particular Monday, it was our biweekly PD after school, followed immediately by four hours of grad school, so I got home at 10pm. I didn't celebrate at all. It was really depressing. And it was my 25th birthday! Man, that sucked.

Even worse, I didn't even realize it until a week later!

So I wanted to make sure that didn't happen again. Thus I made a habit of celebrating with my students every year. And dressing up in a fancy-ish dress too. That meant that regardless of my social situation, I had to have a bit of fun during the day, and so did my kids.

Last year, I turned thirty (ack) and made sure I did something extra special.

I asked a group of friends to hang out and have fun dressed up in fancy clothes.

This year, being on a Monday, I am feeling a little of that desperation from my first year in New York, though I'm sure it's not warranted. I wish I had students to have a party with. :) Though this year I have a husband to celebrate with! We'll go to dinner and try to celebrate with friends later in the week.

But let's get to the fun part--the recap!

Since my last birthday, I:

--visited a new country

--got engaged

--planned a wedding,

--got married,

--left teaching,

--took some photo classes,

--bought a bicycle,

--tried some new foods

--bought a new camera

--got a new computer!

Quite a journey, eh? Wonder what will happen in the next twelve months?

This year we didn't have to move, thank goodness; we're still in the fantastic apartment we found last summer with gorgeous views like this. I wonder if we'll be in a new city when I turn 32 or 33?

happy halloween

which means tomorrow is my birthday. Last day of being 30! Thirty-one seems like officially in 'the thirties.' I don't feel mature enough for that! I'm feeling quite melancholy about the whole birthday thing this year, as a matter of fact. Partly because 31 isn't a 'special' age like turning 30, partly because it's on a weekday, partly because I'm can't celebrate with my students like I've done for six years, partly because I'm just a weirdo.

Anyway, in other news, I plan to do National Blog Posting Month starting tomorrow. I've really gotten out of the blog habit in the last year-plus and now is as good a time as any to work on making that better. Yesterday I made a list of all the things I have been wanting to update y'all on. Sixteen things I've been meaning to post anyway! I'll split them into separate posts just in case I need a cushion. :) Lots to tell you, and so I'll see you soon--tomorrow, in fact!

Are you dressing up for Halloween? Did you go to a party? I did neither. I've never really done Halloween stuff, if I can remember correctly. Though a group of us in high school did dress up and trick or treat even in senior year, so maybe I just had my fill already. :) But mostly this is a crazy time for teachers--usually the end of the quarter, which means grades are due. And I never had many friends and never any non-teacher friends. I think we were all just too tired to party out of school! :)
Have a great spooky day!

"tested" Teach, episode 2

Tony is reading a book, Of Mice and Men, with his class, but he notes that it wasn't on the curriculum; he just threw it in there. I wonder about that. Were there any novels on the curriculum? Why choose this one? It is a classic, I think (I never read it). So maybe he's trying to expose them to well-known literature? I wonder if he thought about choosing a more modern book easier for the students to relate to. This is an endlessly-debated question among high school teachers, I know, so what do you think?

We hear from a few students who are surprised that they relate to the book and are enjoying it. Yay! Of course, there are also several students who have no idea what's going on, they just don't get it.

Then he announces that they will take a quiz the next day. I love how they all groan and complain, even in interviews! I don't get why kids don't understand that there will always be a quiz, a test, an assessment. Come on, guys, you've been in school for a number of years now, surely you know these are coming? :)

Anyway, so Tony is nervous about the quiz, because he understands that it's just as much an assessment of his teaching as student comprehension.

He grades the quizzes at home. Half the class has failed. He is upset and frustrated. He says it's his fault and he couldn't sleep.

Is this familiar to you? Me too.

He tries to gear up for the next week, and his instruction coach tells Tony there's no quick fix, and and he shouldn't take it personally.

Boy, this was a common refrain my first year, and actually the rest of my years too. That statement always gave me trouble. Aren't I here because I take it personally? If I don't take it personally, who will? What else am I here for? If I'm their teacher, then it is me personally who has a stake in the outcome, right? But at what point do you have to let go and realize that not everything is actually your fault (though it seems like it all is, especially at first)? How much can you realistically do with kids that you see 45 minutes a day? What kind of existing issues are the kids dealing with that you have no control over?

And now here comes one of the big issues of this episode--those kids who "don't get it", some of them are special ed /resource room students. They had asked Tony if they could take their quiz in the resource room, and he asked them to try taking it here and now, they will do a good job.

A big brouhaha ensues. Well, not a brouhaha, but everyone is shocked and upset that Tony doesn't understand that resource room kids are different and HAVE to get services. He wants to build their confidence and see what they can do without a "crutch." We never learn exactly what the kids are working with--low reading levels, presumably, but why? Dyslexia? Another learning disorder? Anything at all?


Several people talk to Tony about the resource room and he remains stubborn. An admin meets with him and says, "You don't get the tag of 'teacher' until your students are learning.' Ooh, interesting. What do you think?

Then it seems like the admin stages a faculty meeting about the importance of special education services for students that need it, just to hammer it home to him. He finally relents and gets it and we move on to the next problem.

(Because not even on a television show can you portray a teacher dealing with only one problem. Oh man, wouldn't it be awesome if that were actually reality? Teaching would be so much easier. :D)

There's the advanced kid who aces the quiz and is bored. He approaches Tony about it and they come up with an extra credit project or report. We don't see any follow-up though. I definitely relate to this. I always struggled with how to engage the high-level kids.

There's another girl who seems disengaged. We see her texting during class (GAH!!) and Tony patiently tries to get her attention and get her involved. She is resistant and is all, 'whatever.' He talks to her and asks, "What can I do?" "Nothing," she says. "Then what can you do?" Shrug.

He asks his coach about what to do. The coach asks if Tony's called home yet, and he hasn't. He's nervous. But he calls her mom (or grandma?), and she comes to the school. She wants her student to improve and wants him to stay on her. He talks about having a partnership. Yay, this seems like a good first parent meeting! I was always nervous approaching parents, because while most of them are so reasonable, somehow one of them always turns unreasonable when the student doesn't improve and you try to stay in touch and on them. Ack.

We see the girl continue to be annoyed and irritated at Tony for picking on her, and "yelling" at her. We also see another student talking to her, suggesting that maybe he just cares about her and her doing well. She rolls her eyes at that preposterous idea. Heh.

In a later class, Tony comes over to the girl, who is not doing any classwork with her partner. Tony talks her through the questions, which she answers successfully and it seems like she's moving toward being more attentive. Then she interviews that, "I know better, he just nags." So she's coming around to the idea of working harder and that her teacher wants her to do well. I love it when that happens!

The last big chunk of the episode is a very familiar one to new teachers--Tony gets emotional. While briefly discussing his problems, his instructional coach jokingly asks if Tony's cried yet today. He chuckles and leaves, where things finally start coming down around him and he breaks down. He has finally hit a breaking point and the tears come.

It seems that this is still the first month of school, which means that he's actually doing well--I think everyone has a breakdown, right? If he's made it this far, that's a good sign. But it does have to happen.

I didn't cry at school for a couple months my first year. My mom says that I cried on the phone a lot when I told her about my day. (I knew no one in New York, no friends, no one to call and talk to, so I called her a lot. She was a teacher too, so sometimes had suggestions, but was also willing to listen to my shocking stories.) But I think she exaggerated. I was upset and frustrated a lot--at my own incompetence, at how my students wouldn't listen, which then came back to me--that I couldn't make them/teach them/inspire them to do the 'right' thing like listen and do work.

Tony doesn't seem to dealing with major discipline issues like talking or getting up or disrespect--I don't know if that's a high school thing, but I do imagine that the cameras prevent a lot of that--but he's right there struggling just like all other new teachers. You can tell he really wants to do right by his kids, but it's so tough not knowing how to do that, how to reach everyone, how to bridge the divide between the high kids, the low kids, and all the in-the-middle kids.

Of course that gets to you. It's endless and relentless. A battle every day; many battles every day, actually, big and small. You can't escape. You take so much 'feedback' and 'challenge' and it's only natural that it starts to get under your skin and wear away your self-esteem. You can only deal with it so long before it gets too much to handle and you just have to cry.

Teach

Are you guys watching the new A&E show, Teach: Tony Danza? I just watched the first episode.

The premise, of course, is that this famous guy tries to be a teacher. But can he do it?
Now, since I've also been a teacher, I noticed that most of the issues he faces are exactly the same ones any new teacher faces.

We see him smiling in teacher orientation and taking notes. We see him scrubbing and decorating his room. (In fast forward, no less--any way that we can make that happen in real life?) We see him write things on the board in preparation for his students. He gets in trouble for not knowing to sign in when he arrives. All of these things are very real and relatable.

The principal asks him about his motivation and emphasizes that the kids and their education is what matters. (This I find a little contrived--one assumes this happened when the project began.) We meet a coach who's helping him reflect on what he does. (I sure wish every teacher had one of those!) There's a lot of jocular, fun-guy posturing with random people he encounters.

Eventually it's time for the first day of school! He talked about how anxious he was. I felt just as nervous as he was. What will he say? Will the kids be respectful?

Finally, the bell rings and kids start filing in. He greets them, happily but you can still tell there's some nervous posturing in there. The kids all sit there and they are SILENT. (I found myself jealous--in my first year, there were maybe 15 minutes of *cumulative* silence!) I'm sure that the cameras played a big part in that. He stumbles through a welcome speech and the kids start asking him questions, most of them uncomfortable. "Are you a millionaire?" "Are you nervous? Because you're sweating a lot." Ag, kids always find a way to shoot right through your shield, don't they?

Tony asks the kids to tell about themselves, and so we meet most of the students. They seem like real, regular kids. It's a fairly diverse group, too. In interviews they express doubt that Mr Danza knows what he's doing and if he's qualified to be their teacher. We also see them discussing it together at lunch.

I found myself wondering about regular first-year teachers. I know that kids sense weakness and uncertainty. And plenty of urban kids have dealt with first-year teachers, and know that they don't know what they're doing. I wonder if they talk about it? I wonder how much they think it through that way to themselves. My kids were younger but had probably seen plenty.

We see Mr Danza teaching about elements of fiction, and you can tell that he's never done it before, but that he's plugging along the best he can. One kid says something, Tony says he's wrong and then realizes that he's right after all. The kids interview that oh ho, mr teacher isn't quite so smart.

Another day he shows them a plot chart (and calls the exposition "basic situation" which I thought kind of silly) and asks them to read their own stories to see the plot elements in their own writing. He gets crickets and eventually reads one of the kids' stories himself. Then he gets on a roll and reads a lot more work out loud. He gets to a big word a student used wrong, and then *he* looked it up for them. I think later he realized that he should have had the student do that.

Thus begins a big thing about talking too much and letting the kids read and giving them a chance. He's also the assistant football coach, and talks too much to the team in the locker room. The coach talks to him about too much talking.

He interviews a couple times that he's not sure if he can do this. This is the first week and I think it perfectly represents what all teachers go through. The trials in class, the self-doubt, people telling you all the things you're doing wrong. Yikes. That sucks, no matter who you are. On the other hand, that's really the only way to get better. It's just really tough and you are forced to abandon all dignity and pride.

The kids interview that they don't really think they've learned anything from him, but a couple counter that it's early and maybe it will get better. They don't want him to get strict though, because they hate that and don't learn from that.

At the football game, while the kids are losing spectacularly, Tony starts meeting the parents of his students. They all talk to him about what he's going to do for their children and help them, and that he should let the parents know if there's any issues. Classic parent talk! Especially the one who goes on and on about her son but once Tony says that he wants the kids to read 30 minutes a day she gets all huffy because he has practice and takes two buses to get home. He interjects, "That's fine, he can read 30 minutes on the bus!" and she just shakes her head, annoyed. Gotta love excuses from the same parents who preach the success they want for their kids.

He reflects that the week has been really tough, the hardest thing he's ever done. He doesn't know if he's cut out for this; he worries; did he make a mistake? You can tell he's pretty down. He likes his class and he doesn't want to let them down.

I think that every teacher has gone through this exact train of thought. And not just in the first week of school, either--over and over again, all throughout the year, and even into the summer afterwards!

I remember when this show was proposed and everyone was up in arms about it--making a mockery of teaching; making light of teachers' plight; etc. But frankly, I think it's fantastic--almost all of his experience in this first episode is the same experience that all first-year teachers go through--the self-doubt, the humiliation, the unresponsive class, the parents who pressure you to make their child "better." I think it's a window for the uninitiated to see what teachers see, what they're thinking, that teachers really worry about if they're doing enough, doing the right thing, constantly looking at all the wrong things, getting beaten down at every turn, but still work hard to rally and keep going. I find it extremely realistic (other than the tap-dancing millionaire aspect, obviously! :D) and I think it's a good thing. A great antidote to the Teacher Movie where the bad-kids-who-aren't-actually-bad miraculously have a magical turnaround and all of a sudden the teacher is successful and the kids listen and learn everything and become super-students. Gah.

I look forward to watching more! Did you watch it? What do you think?

More videos, sort of

I've been trying to upload more videos, but Blogger has been uncooperative thus far. Argh.

The New Yorker Festival was last weekend. The mister loves it and went to three events on the first day, then we went to another one together--A Conversation with Regina Spekter. The host interviewed her for a bit and then she played a handful of songs. She was fantastic!

Here are a couple song bits I recorded on the little point & shoot:

Blue

Man of a Thousand Faces

I have another video from an event the second day, but I don't want to bother with waiting for Blogger any more, and I don't have enough bandwidth on vimeo left this week, so I'll share that another time. :)

let's see if this works

Last week I happened on some amazing stop motion videos, and I was inspired to try it. Not the amazing part, the stop motion part. :) It took a couple hours and it really wore me out (note to self: eat dinner before taking on multi-hour physical photo projects!), but it was fun. I've already been thinking of my next attempt! Anyway, enjoy. :)

Budget: The Breakdown

September is over and so is my first month's budget experiment. How did it go?

--I spent $99 on groceries. I originally budgeted $80 a month for regular groceries, since I don't eat much and I don't eat anything expensive. There's a produce shop around the corner that I have been visiting for fresh things to cook with. But I think the cooking has led to more money spent, on ingredients to make things instead of buying more simple things.
But look! My third try making cookies finally resulted in yumminess!

--At Costco I spent a mere $68. I used a debit card for that (at the end of the month).

--I spent too much on "fun" stuff out with friends: a total of $52 on a restaurant, bowling, a potluck dinner, a cab share, a snack for book club.

--Temping around the city, I needed to get around and thus spent $40 on metro cards. (For one week and a half, I am proud to exclaim that I spent zero dollars on transportation, because I biked to a temp job! A savings of $31.50!! Plus free exercise and fresh air! Win-win situation for sure. This means that metro card money will stretch into next month a little.)

--$10: I bought a swimcap to use the pool at our new gym (right now the husband is covering my share of the fees. Once I have a little more income I will pay for part of it.)

--I had to buy a read-aloud book for my class, and I couldn't help treating myself to a new MadLibs (it was on clearance!)(We hope to have some people over soon and that can make for some extra fun downtime!). That was $15 at the bookstore.

This past weekend we went to Target. I made myself a list of a few essentials that I needed, and I was able to stick to that list. But I also bought a blanket for $20. (We have a new bed and need more bedding for the colder weather. The husband bought a comforter too.) So the trip, including parking, cost me $55. Yikes.

(At one point I took out another $20 in cash because I thought I would need it for an outing, but then I decided not to go. That money still got spent, though.)

Grand total for the month: $340.
....

Overall, I did a fair job. At the beginning of the month I was a little more cavalier with money, spending more out with friends. That's the biggest spending piece that was "unnecessary." So in the future I need to find a way to reconcile fun with my very limited budget. I'm not looking forward to that. I hope that a few friends will understand and I can still have a good time. :)

Transportation was a huge cost and my budget didn't take that into account. I was still in summer mode or paycheck mode. The $25 I budgeted was for gas, which is actually very generous since I rarely drive and so only fill up every other month or so. All this year I got monthly metrocards at work pre-tax. Of course now I buy pay-per-ride metrocards out of pocket. I don't know why I forgot to take that into consideration. Next month's transportation budget will have to be $50 at least.

Groceries, like I said, was only okay. I didn't buy impulse fun food things, but that baking stuff meant that I bought three pounds of butter over the course of a couple weeks, at four dollars each. That's twelve dollars that seems a little extraneous. If I were smart and motivated, planning out meals and ingredients would be a good idea. I need to think harder about using what we already have, too, instead of always buying more. Like the frozen strawberries for smoothies. I like buying fresh ingredients at the produce shop, and so far it seems pretty cheap too (I bought two jalapeno peppers for our second salsa attempt--they cost eighteen cents!) in addition to being smart economically and environmentally.

Target and the bookstore were pretty much necessities, and unfortunately that kind of spending won't go away. I will try to spread out what I need over more time though, if that's possible.
....

Now for the emotional report...

On the one hand, it's been easy not to spend money on more things. I could easily have spent a lot more on going-out food/drinks/activities. I shouldn't have spent all that I did, but I did have a good time with friends. But in forgoing clothing, or more things at Target, I found myself thinking, "Oh, I'll just buy that next time." Which is dangerous and completely misses the point of the whole challenge by making it a temporary lark. I will probably not have any more money next time than I do right now! Oh god, this is so depressing.

BUT. It's a good learning tool in that it's easy to say no, to cut back, to ride a bike if it's nearby and the weather is good. Now that the weather has turned chilly, the bike will not be a viable option for much longer. With the looming holiday season, I'm already planning out homemade/handmade gifts.

Overall, I will have to revise my budget a little bit to make it more realistic, and I will also have to adjust a few ideas and habits. I don't think this is something I can keep up long term, but I think I'll do it again for October. I do like how using cash keeps me honest, and keeping track of every single thing keeps me thinking about what I'm spending. I can Just Say No!

...most of the time. :)

better now

I was in a funk the rest of the night, and had a headache to boot. So I told myself that it would be a good idea to get outside in the morning. A bike ride would be just the thing to get me out of my head for a bit.

While I didn't wake up early like I "planned", and I didn't head out right away as "planned", I did bike a nice loop of lower Manhattan, as well as two bridges, for a total of 13 miles. Whew!

In the afternoon we walked around a street fair, and I gobbled up a funnel cake. Because gosh darn it, I'm worth it. :) Also, because Husband bought it for me. :)

All this activity leaves me worn out and tired, and Carmen Crankypants is gone. :)

Here are a couple photos from the afternoon:

toss those cookies

I'm feeling down this evening.

It started with being responsible and saying no to a fun day with friends that would also cost $40. I like friends and fun, and as a matter of fact, this year has had so much more of both. [This thrills me but also makes me wonder if it's just pity (oh right, her....well, i guess we can invite her this time...), and of course I always expect that they will realize any day now what a loser I am and have nothing more to do with me.] I originally said yes but am backing out now the night before, and that makes me feel guilty and icky and dumb and poor and stupid.

In general it made me frustrated all over again about the fine line of money and other people. I hate thinking about money. I want to hang out with people and have fun, not think about how much I have and trying to calculate the smallest amount I could possibly spend while still participating in the activity (ie, having my cake but not having to pay for it). This is tedious and spiritually exhausting.

But this is going to be my life for the foreseeable future, and I have to suck it up and deal with it. Which I kind of hate.

It's all just depressing.
Then came the cookies.

No, this is not about vomit, it's about actual cookies that literally need to be tossed because they're kind of gross. Last night I mixed up my first batch of cookie dough and I was so excited.

I read that NY Times article this summer about The World's Best Cookie For Food Snobs And Kitchen Know-It-Alls. It said that all the good chefs chill their dough and there was an experiment comparing non-chilled and varied-time-chilled doughs and the longer-chilled dough resulted in the tastiest cookies.

So, since I'm all 'woo hoo check me out in my cooking or baking or whatever phase!', I chilled my cookie dough for a full twenty-four hours.

And the cookies suck.

Which, because I am twelve, means I suck too.

It's too bad that feeling sorry for yourself isn't a job, because I'm great at it and then I would be totally rich.

c(R)ash diet

I have a surprise for you. Are you ready for this?

Here it is:
When you don't have a job, you don't have money!

You're shocked, right?!

I'm not, because I did this already, a year and a half ago. I'm so over being poor.

I'm also a little restless and bored.

So I took on a challenge. It's not a unique challenge, and it's not even a cool and hip young-person challenge. Oh, no.

This is a challenge from the Guru of Greenbacks herself, Suze Orman!

Last December, she declared that to get back at rising credit card interest rates and fees, people shouldn't buy on credit anymore and just do cash: a Back to Cash Movement!

This summer she had a guest on the show who took the challenge and tried to only use cash for a month and felt successful in managing her spending. I found this intriguing, and so, knowing that I have a very limited amount of money to spend period, I would give it a try. Especially because the last of the wedding bills came through this month (on credit cards).

[I'm actually very responsible with credit cards. I almost always pay the complete amount. If that's not at all possible, I pay as much as I can (a big chunk, way way more than the minimum). My first year of teaching (classroom supplies, school clothes, rent, books for grad school) required so much money that I was in debt the whole time--somehow I had to keep charging as much as I paid each month off the balance. So it took a little more than a year to finally get rid of that. Early last year I had a huge car repair right after I got fired, and without a real job, it took three or four months to pay it off.]

But I've been really good about not putting things on credit cards (other than wedding stuff), and it's easy to keep those pretty clear. So my motivation with this challenge wasn't fighting debt out of desperation. It wasn't about drowning in credit card interest. (Thank god.) It was more about freaking out that I still have regular bills to pay (cell phone, car insurance, other things), in addition to things like FOOD, and only what was left in my bank account. If nothing goes into it, how long will that last? How smart am I being with what little I have?

I do get reckless when I have a job. I'm not talking dropping hundreds of dollars on useless toys, trinkets, toys. But I won't say no to a reasonable urge: I'll buy a book or two here. I'll buy a few clothes there. I'll have a few drinks out with friends. I'll buy a plane ticket! (For a vacation, not just any old time, obviously! :D) I spend money because I have money. (I also save it, of course. But naturally, saving is the first thing to go when I don't have an income. I can't spare anything for later if there's not much coming in now!)

So, back to the plan. First I reviewed my spending on mint.com and then set up a very spartan monthly budget plan. I decided I would only use cash for everything possible--groceries ($80 regular plus $100 for Costco), restaurants ($30), transportation ($20), and miscellaneous/shopping ($50). So that's a grand total of $260 to last me an entire month.

I have one week left and less than twenty dollars to get me there. There's no way I'm going to make it.

I'll provide a full report once the month is over!

what i've been up to, domestic version

I've actually been up to a lot outside of the work/not-work world! Pretty much 50s housewife stuff, which is a fun role to try on. :) (Fun because it's a choice not a mandate! Yay freedom and equality and stuff. :D)

With all of our new gadgets, I've been excited to try out some new things in the kitchen. I finally stocked up on basic ingredients like flour, baking powder, unsweetened cocoa, etc, and have been trying out a few recipes.

We got an electric hand-mixer and I love it! It makes mixing things so much fun and way easier too. :)

I made Belgian waffles!


I made cupcakes and frosting from scratch!



We got this sweet blender-slash-food-processor and I love that too! I used it to chop onions and garlic. I've made some smoothies and recently we're working on making a good fresh salsa (we've tried twice but something's off with our proportions, and/or we need more/different spices):

Awhile back I bought a slicer thingy, and last week I finally broke it out to make some fried potatoes!


I am going to try some chocolate-chip cookies next. Very excited to try those out! :)

I've also gotten the crocheting bug again in a major way.

I completed my first blanket (the world's easiest baby-sized blanket with giant yarn, but hey, it still counts!):
I also made my first pair of fingerless mitts, or wristers as this pattern dubbed them:

This is all just in the last couple weeks! I'm halfway through another project right now, and now I'm starting to think ahead to the holidays, for simple and useful things I could give family.

We got all of our wedding photo stuff, and I'm excited to look through them again and order some prints and things!

what i've been up to, professional version

Hi there! Yes, I'm here, but just haven't felt like blogging, though I'm sure there is plenty of material to write about.

It's mid-September somehow, and that means we've been married for six weeks. :)

Also, school started. The weird one-day school week was the same as my very first year teaching, which makes sense, because that was seven years ago now. :) I didn't have a permanent job yet, so I was in the ATR and for that first "week" I helped out in a kindergarten class. For the second week I subbed in a Spanish class in a middle school. And I actually tried to teach them Spanish. Which is funny because a) I don't really speak Spanish and b) hello, eighth graders could give a shit about a substitute, especially in the first couple weeks of the year! (I was placed in First Middle School the third week of school, September 27. My principal there told me a few times how lucky I was not to be at that other school. It was a mess; there were four principals that year!)

Anyway, so I had my first day of school not being a teacher.

I did keep busy that day though; I temped downtown. I've been getting a few assignments here and there in offices and school offices in the last week or two. I'm hoping things keep going, because money is finally coming *in* to my bank account instead of leaking out, out, out. It's really stressful not having a regular, dependable paycheck.

I am really enjoying working in new places and doing my best to help get work done. I like feeling useful, and I like mindlessness of filing and things--it is such a difference from being ON every second of the day so that the small people in the room stay under some modicum of control. :) I don't think I'll love it forever; I'm a reasonably smart person and I do want to do a bigger and better job than just a temp for a day or two. But I understand that will take awhile. It's difficult to stay positive and motivated. I know that there's a lot I am capable of doing, but I also know that I'm not very qualified compared to other people my age who have been in 'regular' nonteaching jobs, or at least that it might be tough for an employer to look past so much teaching and/or understand that I can do a lot besides teaching and because of teaching.

There was a bit of time in late August/early September when I was really trolling job boards and sending out resumes. That trickled to a stop once I started getting a few temp calls. Right now, it's such a relief to have something to do (and I love that it's not every day!) and even more, the money. The novelty will wear off soon as I look into the uncertain future without a reliable income for months. Ag.

Oh! I got a steady part-time job on Saturdays--teaching!

It's kind of a strange thing--I was worried about quitting teaching cold turkey and not being around any kids anymore (I miss my kids from last year!). So now I'm still a teacher, but only for one day a week. Much less stressful than five. :) However, it's definitely more stressful than zero! I was really worried about pacing the time (I'm teaching three sections) and what they were expecting of me and the students. But now we've had two sessions and I'm back in the groove a bit. It still takes a bit of time at home to plan and gather materials, and I need to do a little more from now on probably. There are assistants who grade but they might want an answer key, so I need to go all the way through the work myself to prepare that. Not gonna lie, that part I do not like.

Surprisingly, so far I'm liking my older students more. There are only six though (eleven in the younger group), and they're mostly boys. They all seem pretty nice so far, easy-going and eager to learn and laugh a little. I like that. :) The younger ones are much more lively, though nearly all of them are eager to learn and definitely laugh.

This week we were talking about subject-verb agreement and I was reviewing that if there's an 's' on the subject, there's not usually one on the verb, and vice versa. One kid asked how come, or who made that rule. "The president?" she guessed. I smiled and said no, it's from way, way before presidents. I said I have no idea why that's the way it is and I'm not sure how you could go about finding out. "Google!" cried out three students at once.

These kids nowadays. :)

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I have been doing other things around home, but I'm going to save that for another post or two! Because I do want to get back into the habit of blogging. I rarely have anything super exciting to write about, but I like working things out in words and having a record of life's little things. :)

So I'll see you again very soon!

memorial

something old, something new

When I decided to take the elementary teaching job last summer, I was really nervous about going into a new school situation, after the horrors of my first charter school experience.
I wrote:

This wasn't an easy decision, and I know the year will be fraught with new challenges. I won't be going into the year as innocent and naive as last year, but I will be going into the year with goals (first--patience, second--a life outside of school, third--creativity) and realism.

Big caveat to the job: if I'm miserable, if I'm crying, if I'm losing sleep--I will leave. I've definitely learned that lesson the hard way this year and I don't want to or need to go through that again.

But I do want to do a good job in a new environment, and enjoy teaching all the subjects, and get to know and love the students.

In the interview, I told the principal about three things that I needed: professional development, colleagues/teammates to work with, and curricular materials.

So...how did it all pan out?

Well. The professional development was a bust. The summer parts especially. We listened to a bunch of speakers and experts...who had clearly never been in an urban classroom. We had to do an entire day of physical labor to help the school get ready.

Not like I could have used the time any better, because our materials took forever to arrive. I don't think we had any of it before the kids arrived, not even books for a classroom library. The math curriculum came first. We got a Lucy Calkins writing set later (HATED IT and so did the kids). Science must have come a bit after that, and eventually we got a very paltry package of library books (but I'd already brought in a lot of my own books). The reading curriculum was last to arrive--we got that in LATE NOVEMBER. No social studies curriculum at all.

The teachers at this school were amazing--fantastic people, and great educators. I loved being a part of their team. Of course, I barely saw them. Elementary teachers basically never get out of the classroom, and there was no teacher break room in which to rest and chat. After school I was always sequestered in my room alone for several hours. My grade colleague had been at the school for the last two years and was great at planning and teaching too--but she never had time to stay before or after school to meet and talk to me. I really, REALLY needed someone at the beginning of the year--I felt completely overwhelmed and in over my head. I needed someone to work together with, bounce ideas off of, and talk to. And she just couldn't be there for that. Midway through the year she ended up leaving and I had a good month of being the 'stable' member of the grade team. We ended up with a great sub taking over the rest of the year, but he needed a lot of help in getting settled and figuring out how things worked. We were able to plan a little bit together eventually, but it was difficult finding time to do so on a regular basis.

So...those three things that I needed in order to have a successful year? Were not there at all.

I'm kind of amazed that I did as well as I did, considering. I don't really consider it a 'successful' year, in terms of achievement and learning, but in terms of survival, well, I did that.


How about my personal goals?
Patience:
Hoo, boy. I was super patient for about three weeks. I don't even know how I did that with the group I had. But then I found myself back to losing patience. Eight hours is a LONG day, y'all, with a bunch of rowdy, difficult boys who don't give a shit about learning or anyone else learning either. (That's basically who my class was all fall.) I tried so many things. I reached out to so many people. Some helped (some colleagues, some of the parents) and some did absolutely nothing (parents, some admin). I don't know how to be patient enough for these kids. I wasn't good enough to them, for them. All of my kids, even the rough ones, needed SO much from me, and I couldn't show enough patience, love and understanding to them, even though I felt it.

A life outside of school:
Didn't happen at all the first part of the year. Once again the 11/12 hour days kicked my ass during the week and then the weekend was about recovery. I was better about relaxing and trying to do fun things on the weekend, though. At Christmas, my mom came to visit and we went to visit the boy's parents in his hometown.
In January I started a photography class, specifically to give me something other than school to do during the week. I really enjoyed it. I started a second one in April.
I guess we didn't do anything for February break, but I did a weekend to DC with friends in March, and of course we did travel for Spring break, to Costa Rica! Had a fantastic time getting engaged, exploring and having adventures.
Once daylight savings hit and it was light after 5pm again, I was over school. No more being stuck inside in the dark for so many hours. I left by 5.3o or 6 for most of the rest of the school year. Still didn't have much time or energy to do fun things during the week, but continued to try for things on weekends.

The weekends were my absolute favorite them. I loved them. I LOVED any time not spent teaching. It didn't take long for me to notice that and think about the meaning and ramifications of that.

Creativity:
So-so. I definitely had some high points with lessons I created. Not sure if I remember any of them. (I wish I'd had more energy to record things on this here blog!) We all loved doing grammar with School House Rock and erasable sentence strips. I coordinated a bunch of field trips for my class and the other class in our grade, which was my favorite part of the year. Oh, and teaching my class the states and capitals and different language greetings--I was proud of that. Overall I could have done a lot better. I had the kids do some cool projects that combined science, social studies, art and reading. I created a couple sweet powerpoints for one of our ancient culture units. I tried to do a biography/research project, which kind of failed and fizzled. The problems were twofold--a lot of kids didn't do the research as assigned over February break, and then after some great in-class practice (taking notes, and then using those notes to create paragraphs. I was actually really happy with these lessons.), the final drafts were still very much not in their own words. I HATE that and was so frustrated with the way that many of them seemed to be done or heavily guided by parents.

At the New Year, I made a goal to do more small group work. (My admin had been wanting me to, and I agreed it's helpful. It's just more work and you can't do a lot of new material that way, and in so many subjects we were pressed for time!) It took me awhile to get around to it. Reading groups, when I did them, went swimmingly--I did two different types. Sometimes I had them rotate in groups doing different activities and skills (like vocabulary, reading comprehension, etc), and sometimes I just had the groups stay in one place and read their small group book together and answer questions.
Math groups I didn't do as often. I definitely could have done better with that. Although maybe not, because in January we plotted out the next few months to cover all the curricular points we needed before the test in May. So we kind of had to book it along. I think I did a couple though, like with coordinate graphs where they had to make shapes and 'test' each other on the points. They seemed to enjoy that.
Lots of fun group activities in science kits! The best unit was on nutrition--we had AMAZING discussions and the kids were really into the experiments.

Remember, another one of my New Year goals was to find a new job. In January I was despondent, because I was sure the year would never end, or at least that my sanity wouldn't last. And there were some seriously trying times. (I would articulate some but my brain has long since forgotten it.) The biggest bully was removed from the class, which would have been a relief if not for the eight bajillion other problems still facing me. There was a lot of drama with my worst kid, and then three--no, four--other kids developed a shitload of drama, and the worst one got more worst, and ugh. I was like, oh my god, I can't wait to get this year over and done with! But wait, what am I going to do? Should I stay and ignore the insanity? Is it better to be broke and happy, or employed and crazy?

But in June when I found out that the school wasn't offering me a contract, it was still a shock. I had to remind myself that I'd already made the decision not to return.

In past years, I've usually needed some kind of processing time, or grieving time when a year (or teaching job) is over. In my favorite year, I think I cried even. I've always been happy to finish a year (god, I bet I was over the fucking moon at the end of my first year! what a nightmare year that was!), but I was also sad about leaving the kids and nervous about new ones.

But this year, I didn't give the end a second thought afterwards. I woke up on that Tuesday so happy, relieved, weightless. SO unburdened and carefree. It was wonderful.

As August crept on, I started seeing ads for back to school sales. Blog posts about schoolmares. Teachers writing about their plans. Pictures of classroom set-up. It's been very strange to not be a part of all that. The planning, the anticipating, the brand new planbook, the gathering of supplies, the copying of handouts, the writing of classroom rules, the wondering about the kind of kids you're getting, the stressing out about the first day...it's all so familiar and so stressful, and while I'm glad to not have all that stress, I feel a little lost without it. Like, who am I without "teacher"?

That still remains to be seen. I'm doing my best to look forward, not backward, and go bravely into this unknown.

It's September! How did that happen?

This has been a fantastic summer--busy, but not chaotic, and fun. We've traveled to Seattle and Chicago, and I went upstate for a couple days too. There were wedding activities. I hung out with friends. I took pictures. I got to stay up late and sleep in. I had time to relax, but not so much that I got bored. It was perfect.

And now it has come to an end. :(

We did it!

We got married on Sunday! The weather was perfect--warm but not hot, overcast so no glaring sun or squinting. It rained later in the afternoon after we were at the reception. The ceremony was lovely and pretty emotional for me. :)

When I saw my dress this summer for the first viewing, I was underwhelmed and a little disappointed. I didn't love it. The fitting made it better for sure, and then my mom and I found some perfect earrings and necklace set to match the dress and sparkly headpiece. Then I liked the dress a lot more, and while I'm still not sure I can say I loved the dress, I did love wearing it!

Our favors were little wooden fans (pretty and useful in case of heat) and bubbles. The guests bubbled us as we 'proceeded' out of the ceremony area and then later back in. What fun! We want to be bubbled everywhere we go now. :)

Walking through the park in a wedding dress was a really fun experience--lots of people smiled, congratulated us, took pictures. Our photographer was fantastic. She posted a few photos on facebook the same day and they are gorgeous! I can't wait to see more! Most of my friends were armed with their cameras too and have kindly posted them to a group so we can see them all in one place.

The reception was very low-key and kind of quiet. We made a crossword puzzle about us to give people something to do. It didn't get handed out until we got there, which then made it feel like I had just given everyone a Do Now. :) People were excited to finish and some had questions, but got hints from us or others. It was kind of fun, and some of them learned things about the two of us. :)



The food was pretty good, and our cake was delicious. I hadn't eaten anything all morning just to be extra sure that the dress would zip, and so by the time we got to the restaurant at 2.30, I was starving! We did a brunch buffet and my choice was the belgian waffles, so I had a couple of those, a bit of fruit, and a delicious Bellini. Then I was stuffed and could only take a couple bites of cake. Later we wanted more but dutifully saved the top tier and wrapped it in clingfilm and foil when we got home.

Overall, it was a wonderful, lovely day. I was so thrilled and grateful to share it with family and friends, and everyone was so kind and warm. It was very, very surreal, and even now we keep saying to each other, "We got married? We had a wedding? We're married now?" It feels strange. Just the words, I guess, since we've lived together for two years already. Married friends--did you feel that way? How long til it feels 'normal' to be a wife and have a husband?

!!

The wedding is this weekend!

It still hasn't quite hit me yet that this is all real. :) It's getting closer though because my family and friends have descended upon NYC for fun and wedding stuff. Love seeing people here for the first time!

Oh, here's some exciting news--I upgraded my camera! When I bought the D80 on a semi-whim in December 2008, I told myself I needed to keep it for two years. (I had only gotten the D40x six months before.) It's been a year and a half, and it was one of my goals for this year. I successfully saved up enough for a D300s, and in less than six months! I decided to use my money a little differently, a little smarter. I bought a used D300 and a used lens (85mm f/1.8) for about the cost of a new D300s body only. Squee! It is so clicky and comfortingly heavy. I love it. And even though it hasn't been quite two years that I promised myself, I think I've learned a lot and can use the new camera as an investment with more paid photography.

Earlier this summer I was able to second-shoot a wedding, and I rented the D300 and two lenses. I kept my D80 out too, and both lenses on that body were so slow and the shots were not very good.

One reason I bought it so quickly this month is that I got a portrait gig and wanted to use the good camera! It went really well and if it wasn't the wedding month I would be already done editing and processing. :) I love taking portraits and really want to get more bookings!

I hope to take some interesting city shots after the wedding madness dies down and will try to post some here. And maybe I will find some faceless wedding photos to post too! Earlier this summer I said to someone that I will have to really fight the urge to pick up the camera on the day itself...but now I think I want to take some, at least a few when I can. I'm so excited to have our awesome pro photographer capturing everything and everyone, but I don't think I want to miss the opportunity to capture my own details. We'll see how it goes. :)

Holy cow

It's August!
The wedding is less than two weeks away!

I continue to love not teaching. Unfortunately I continue to have schoolmares occasionally. This past month has been busy with traveling and wedding plans and also trying to have some fun. :) We did get a second air conditioner, which has made life so much more bearable. Our reorganizing/redecorating scheme is progressing--I want it finished by this weekend. I'm really excited about it--we're working on making our place a little more sophisticated and not so cluttered with crap. (Really, that part is all me--I have a lot of crap. It makes me all anxious when I look around and see how much there is--how in the world am I supposed to eliminate or organize it all? Deep breath, one thing at a time.)

This month will also be very busy with friends, wedding events, and more travel. In theory I should have so much to write about, but a)my brain is pretty much mush and b)the wedding stuff is pretty personal. Oh, and we won't be taking a honeymoon--doing this wedding thing in only five months means there's no money or time to travel. So we figure we'll take one next year (I'm hoping for spring), once we decide on a destination and start budgeting.

Speaking of budget, we're doing the wedding for as little as possible. Photography and food are the biggest portions of the money. Other things have been a little more than we thought or a little less. We'd already eliminated or pared down some of the traditional and expensive elements (video, DJ, fancy flowers, expensive linens, limo). We still hope that the low-key wedding will be pretty and interesting.

The Good Life

Boys and girls, I cannot tell you how wonderful it is to be in summer. I am so relieved and happy to not be teaching! It's already ancient history. (Except for the first-week-of-schoolmare the other day...that was strange.)

It's really effing hot and humid this week, so I'm doing my best with our window fans, but plan to escape soon to the nearest air-conditioned place of business that allows loitering.