No really, it's over!

Today was the last day of real Fellows stuff. The last day to wake up early, to see the kids, and to see my Fellowmates. Well, except that tomorrow is a final day at the Intrepid museum. They're making sure we all show up because that's when they're handing out our second stipend checks. Woo! Let's see how fast Julie spends it.

Yesterday was our field day. We actually had to do FA 'workshops' but we were all in a park under tree shade, so it was kind of informal. Then we played games, FA group against FA group. First my group played some dodgeball. We won, even though the other group were rather sore losers. Next we played some kickball. That was fun, even though the other group was kinda wishy-washy about everyone adhering to the same rules. We won that too, by one run. I actually made a catch! Excellent job, me. Our last fun activity was touch football. We totally lost that one, and the other team was normal and nice. All in all it was a fun time. Man, was I worn out though. By 9pm I was having trouble keeping my eyes open, so I went to bed at 9.45.

I CAN'T WAIT TO SLEEP IN TOMORROW, AND THE DAYS AFTER THAT. I CANNOT WAIT. I AM ALWAYS TIRED.

Wow, it's all over. That's weird. I hope I don't get bored the rest of the month. And I still don't know where or when I will be moving. Ha.

Last Monday

I mean, it's the last Monday of working, not something about a week ago Monday. Yeah.

On Friday afternoon, TPTB emailed the unofficial scores from the June 26 administration of the LAST and CST tests. Both are scored out of 300 and you need 220 to pass. I scored 293(!) on the LAST and 276 on the CST. Woohoo! I am so smart. Phew.

This weekend was nice, not too eventful. I read a lot, and slept a lot, saw a couple friends, and had a couple drinky- drinks. I finally cleaned the yucky bathroom--what an improvement. I even forgot about my homework until about 7pm on Sunday. Heh. Stupid homework. Actually, it ended up being kind of fun, if overwhelming. We had to come up with a classroom culture and overall blueprint. I decided, in a flash of true brilliance, to name my classroom Paris. Because obviously, I love Paris and everything Parisian. But here's the brilliant catch: PARIS will stand for Positive Action Results In Success, which will be the class motto. Is that not awesome? I'm quite excited about it. I'll have maps and pictures and street signs (how I wish I was at home to get all my cool relevant souvenirs!), and I will name places like the art center the Louvre, the listening center the Opera Bastille, the reading corner the Cafe. Ooh, fun.

Today I finally emailed some responses to craig's list postings for apartments. Will look for now at sharing with a random person. I've got a bit less than three weeks to find a place. Rrr. I hate moving!! Though this one should be fairly painless, since I have so little stuff with me. Just my suitcases, two boxes of clothes, and my computer. I don't believe I've acquired much of anything beyond that, just a few books and the sheet set. Hurrah for me for not being too broke to be materialistic.

WOO-HOO!!!!!!

We did it! Classes at Queens College are finished!

I just came from the psych/dev final, and that went just fine. Before that was the Lit portfolio/presentation, and that was peachy too. Woo!

It's over!!

Well, not really, because we still have summer school and FA until next Thursday. But the hard stuff is over! The weekends are FREE!! No more homework! Well, for now anyway.

Gotta run to FA. See ya.

Blah blah blah

Totally procrastinating right now. Am uploading pictures to an online storage site instead of studying for my final on Thursday. Hee hee, I am a bad student this week. I got all my good habits exhausted last week.

Last night I did a tiny bit of reading/reviewing for the final, but then I went to bed. AT 9:15 PM. That's right. Woo! And it would have been so much better if some asshole wasn't playing loud music from 11-2AM. Selfish bastard. There was way loud music playing all Saturday night too, it was like a nightmare for me.

So today is Tuesday. Two more days of class! A week and a half left of summer school and FA! Wow!

Today I did some teaching, about swamps. It was kind of fun. The kids got all into it. I 'taught' about the difference between turtles and tortoises, and blurbs about black bears and reptiles. One student was like, "it's like you're a science teacher." Heh.

I'm sure that I should talk about more stuff, or more interesting stuff, or be all introspective and shit. I've actually gotten back into the journaling habit, now that so much is going on. Not that like writing is any more revealing or gripping. Now I just have a place to complain about what an ugly loser I am.

I have to get working on finding real housing. Which brings me to the question, do I go the expensive and lonely route, finding a studio or 1-bedroom? Or do I bite the bullet and take a chance on sharing with a complete stranger but saving money? Either way, I pray that I have enough money for it all, and I absolutely cannot WAIT until I have internet access all the time. Also, I am trying to not worry about having hardly any possessions or furniture or other important whatnot.

Oh, and the weekend? Really, I am a loser. I did leave the house, but only to the library on Saturday morning, and to do some errand/walking on Sunday. Saw no one, left a lot of voice mails for friends. I have no social life. I have to keep reminding myself that it's supposedly normal for new transplants to NYC. Plus, this coming year, there will be no time for socializing. But I really wish I had a social life to neglect, instead of no social life to miss, you know?

One more week!

Of classes, at least. Two more of summer school and Fellow Advisory. Woo!

Yesterday we turned in a big project called a literature log, where we accumulated different kinds of 'touchstone texts' that will help us teach pieces of literacy in the classroom. My author study was on Roald Dahl; I read "The Twits," "Fantastic Mr. Fox," and "The BFG." They were all great, I highly recommend them.  That's one excellent thing about teaching--a free pass to read fun children's books!

Let's see, what else? So next Thursday we have a final exam in our child psych/development class, and in literacy class we have a presentation of all the sample work we've done that will be units in our own classrooms.  Like a report (I wrote mine about the ocean), a narrative account (a picture book; I think mine will be about the night we went to Starlight Express and two British strangers helped us get there and get home), a narrative procedure (a how-to; mine is "How to ride the subway"--it's pretty clever), several kinds of poetry, and that's mostly it, I think.  Lots to do in the next six days.

This weekend I have no plans really. I need to do laundry, and I keep telling myself I will clean the bathroom. We'll see how long it takes me to actually do it.  I'm doing fairly well keeping the dishes washed and that sort of thing, and I'm containing my clutter a little better.

Things are a little lonely. I like my classmates, but it feels like there are some little cliques and of course I don't belong in one. I do my own thing and walk at my own pace, literally.  Many people stroll between classes together, but they go way to slow for me, so I just steam on ahead. Tra la la.

Hm, I can't really think of anything else. I'm beginning to feel pretty helpless and clueless; there is so much information shoved down our throats, not to mention all the paper thrown at us, that there is no way I know it all. I am hoping that it will go slowly and that I can get help implementing all these complicated teaching strategies. This morning we went to a "new teacher induction," but it just talked about the mentors the city is now giving all new teachers. I'm pretty relieved and excited about that.

I think I can, I think I can...

Yesterday was not my happiest day. I felt frustrated and overwhelmed and annoyed and unimportant and probably some other things too. I didn't participate in class and I did no homework at home.

Today was better. I didn't necessarily participate much and we'll see how much homework I get done, but I don't feel as helpless and hopeless. That's mostly because I'm doing my best to just forget those feelings so that I can actually accomplish all of the stuff that we're supposed to be doing. Time is going way faster than I'm used to. Which is good, I hate when the hours just crawl by. But it means there's a ton of work that has to get done in just a few weeks. Yikes!

I bought a printer over the weekend and am so excited. I still have no email access at home, which is a real liability/handicap in this program, but at least I can print out my papers at home now. And on decent paper and with plenty of ink! Woo!

Man, I'm hungry. It's a quarter to eight right now, that means I won't get to eat dinner until nearly nine. Great.

Check out the new links to the right for more information about where I am and the New York school stuff. Let me know if there's anything interesting there; I haven't had much time to look around those sites myself yet.

Three weeks!

It is already Friday of the third week of summer preservice training. Only three or four left to go!

So let's see. I was placed at an elementary school in St Albans, Queens, near Jamaica. I've been in a third-grade classroom. The first two days were testing and other boring things. Yesterday was actual instruction. Though some of the kids seem pretty bright and eager, the class still didn't get through hardly anything. They just kind of sat there. It was sad and frustrating at the same time.

I'm tired a lot, from getting up before 6.30. Today I got to sleep in until almost 7.30, because we have workshops that don't start until 9.30. Yay. After they are over, I'm going to the library on the way home. I am really excited about that. I just finished the third novel that I borrowed last Friday. Have I said lately how much I adore public libraries? I LOVE libraries. If more people embraced the idea of public libraries, I believe that the country would be a better place. Hello, free books? Knowledge there for the taking? Not to mention entertainment, with VHS and DVD movies. So I think that little trip will be the highlight of my weekend.

This week's homework load has actually been considerably less. It helps that I did all the reading that I was supposed to over the weekend. But I spent several evenings hardly doing anything productive. I don't watch nearly as much TV as I did when I was at home or first here. But now, since there are so few channels and so little time to actually watch it, I watch more silly shows than I ever have. And that is depressing.

Mm, sleepy. I should go get a beverage to tide me over during the workshops. Later, dudes.

Hurrah for public libraries!

Today is Friday. It is the end of our second week of pre-service training. I have a list of things to do and errands to run today. So far I am almost finished.

Did you know that the post office will only keep domestic parcels for ten days? I know this because it has been eleven days since my box of books arrived in New York. Now it is on its merry media-mail way back to Renton. I hope that when it arrives at my mom's house, she will send it out here again. Someday I will see that box again.

I visited the infamous 65 Court Street in Downtown Brooklyn after the post office adventure. It is a large, intimidating structure housing the entire Department of Education. Or maybe it's the Board of Education. I had thought that the latter was the newest name for the former, but perhaps they are indeed two separate bureaucratic entities. Who is John Galt?

And most recently, I found the Leonard branch of the Brooklyn Public Library. The Marcy branch is closer but according to the website is also closed for renovation. This one is still an easy walk. I found 'regular' books to read, plus a children's poetry book for my literacy assignment due on Tuesday, and another children's book called "Punctuation Takes a Vacation," for another assignment due on Tuesday.

Last night was wonderful. Once I got home at 7.30, I just sat in front of the TV with a book and the A/C going. I did no homework. No reading of a boring textbook, no writing. I enjoyed it. And this morning I slept an extra hour, all the way until 8.30.

It's 2.45 now. Once I am done here, I will pick up my three rolls of film at the Walgreen's down the street from my place. I shall also find some food, as I have only consumed a fruit/granola bar so far today. My stomach is telling me to eat up. Yum, yum.

Going under

Good lord, it's been a week since all of this started in earnest. And already it's getting to me.

I just feel completely out of it--unprepared, forgetful, anxious, bored, sleepy. There's so much to do, even more to remember to do for later, and as the summer progresses ever so slowly, the time available to do these things keeps shrinking.

There is a poem assignment due next week. I have no poetry books here. I had a decent selection at home, but of course they are sitting in boxes in the barn. I'm sitting in a library right now, but it's not like there's tons of free time to look around. I had thought of using Poe's Annabel Lee for my analysis. But the prof just told us that this assignment is to be a model for our future classes, and thus needs to be appropriate to share with small children. Poe is definitely not appropriate. So apparently now I have to find a poem that I can relate to in a happy manner. Happy? Me? Are you kidding? Are you sure I should be here? I'm beginning to think I won't make it to the fall.

Last night was a big placement fair, open to the entire city. I went, but didn't even make it to the building because I met some classmates on the street. They are assigned to the same region I am, and there was only one school at the fair from that region. There was already a long line and they weren't accepting resumes anymore. So that was a bust. I don't know how to get a placement. I know absolutely nothing about Queens, so it's not like I can just walk around the area (which is freaking huge, by the way, and not all easily accessible by public transportation) looking for elementary schools that are hiring. I know I'm the only one in this situation, but I'm just feeling so lost. And it's just getting worse.

I've been assigned to a school out in the middle of nowhere, Queens. Actually in a place called St Albans. On the map it's really close to the eastern border of the city. WAY out there. Sigh. I may have a pretty hellish commute this summer!

One of the hardest things is not having internet access at home. Such a pain in the ass. All of the correspondence from the Fellowship is through email. All of the Advisor sessions require downloaded and printed forms from the Fellow website. I'm making best friends with my copy card.

I think that the way things are going, I'm going to start crying any hour now. I feel myself getting myself more desperate and lost and unsure of everything. I don't even have anyone to talk to! No roommate, no good friends in New York that know what's going on with this stuff, no real friends yet in the program, nothing. Fuck fuck fuck. Yeah, crying any minute now.

Out of my element

I am beginning to feel silly for being here at all. At the moment it's not because I have no idea what I'm doing, because it's clear the rest of my fellow Fellows feel exactly the same. That is a big relief, by the way. And a Fellow spoke to us at Orientation and said that he'd felt that too, but by the end of the summer he was prepared; the staff and everyone else had taught him all he needed to know. There is hope.

No, I'm feeling silly because I am really out of the loop. The majority of my classmates already live here, have apartments and cars and ideas where they want to teach--like somewhere near their place. They looked at me funny, practically laughed, when I asked about recess. Apparently no one in the New York City area got recesses. I remember morning and afternoon recess, but they just get a lunch one here. Plus, not many people seem to have the big-ass commutes that I do. They're just going about their business. I'm going about it like AmeriCorps--that we're all in this new adventure together. But it's totally not like that. I feel like I'm working harder than I should, just in terms of logistics, not classwork. I don't know my way around the city, I don't even know the names of the areas that these people live in or are from. I know Williamsburg, but just my street, none of the cute or trendy or interesting parts of Williamsburg. My area is dirty. There's lots of kids around, which means it's not actually dangerous. I'm intimidated because I'm a lone white girl who doesn't speak Spanish. Tomorrow I hope to get out and explore so that I don't have to be so scaredy-cat.

I'm really excited for the weekend though. I've got plans to see friends. My packages are here; the big boxes will be delivered Friday morning, and after they arrive I'll go pick up my book box at the post office (which apparently is right around the corner--see what I mean about exploring?). That means I'll have all my stuff! Like my clothes and my sneakers and my blankie! Hurrah!

Also, the big certification tests are on Saturday. I keep almost forgetting about that. Which is dangerous, because I think I need to report to the Sheraton somewhere in Manhattan at like seven a.m. on Saturday morning. Ugh. This morning on the trains I reviewed the vocabulary so that it will start to become familiar so that I can use it on the CST. I can't wait to get all that over with. I'm totally not studying; if I don't pass one of them, I'll worry about that later.

Rrr. I should go because the afternoon boring class will start soon. I'm freaking hungry, I do not have enough food at my disposal. Plus it's super expensive to buy a snack on campus, so I'm all cleaned out. And guess what? I now have about two thousand dollars of debt on my credit cards. I HATE that.

Oh holy crap

So now it's really begun. I'm trying not to freak out.

First things first. I've been here for a whole week now (well, including the weekend away). It feels like much longer, partly because being "home" is so lonely. It makes me sad to be so quiet in the evenings. Television is only so interesting. Not having a computer is really tough right now; for school there's all this homework and downloading we're supposed to be able to do. My boxes are in New York but I'm not at home to get the delivery. I suppose it will have to wait til Friday or Saturday.

Monday afternoon the welcoming event was at Avery Fisher Hall in Lincoln Center. Pretty impressive. There are two thousand Fellows this year, chosen from over 17,000 applicants! (This is the time when you say to yourself, 'boy, that Julie, she must be pretty good!' Heh.) There were a series of speakers, including past Fellows and their students, and some performances too. It was a nice event. After that we met in our small advisory groups. I really like my advisor, she's really no-nonsense but has a great sense of humor too. My group is mostly people older than me (not by too much, but altogether varies pretty widely; most of them are what I'd call real grown-ups) who come from completely different backgrounds--a lot from law and finance. They are all interesting and friendly. Whew!

Yesterday was an orientation-type day at Queens College, where I was assigned. Those of you in AmeriCorps know what it was like--a lot of boring talk about important things that still somehow didn't satisfy the need for real details. Paperwork. Lots of new faces, staff from the Fellows program and staff from Queens College. I'm not really sure exactly who belongs to what institution, but I'm trying to be patient. Not sure if it's working. I find myself getting frustrated when I don't get enough information. That seems to be all the freaking time lately.

Today was the first real day. We bought our textbooks for the two courses we're taking this summer. For the next two weeks, I have a literacy class all morning, an hour for lunch, a child development class all afternoon, a half-hour break, then the Advisor session for an hour and a half. Nine to six. The commute is just over an hour from my apartment in Williamsburg (which I am now saying with a New York accent)--two trains and a bus. There is a ton of reading. There are a few papers and projects scattered pretty well. Mostly it's reading. I really like the literacy class so far, it's very hands-on and fun, and interesting. This morning we sat and the teacher read us a story. Later we paired up and read stories to partners. I love it, and am excited to get more familiar with children's books. The child-development class is just like a traditional college course--lecture and note-taking off power point-type overheads. Boring! But the teacher does try to have us participate.

So anyway, back to the freaking out. There's no time for anything! Commuting, going to class all day long, going home, not having any real food in the house and no time to go buy any, who knows how I'll find time to get everything done. I'm still too intimidated by my neighborhood to walk at night, so I hope to get home by 9 each night. I'm going to be so boring this summer. And so tired. It's hard not to sleep with all my blankets and stuffed animals! It sounds juvenile, but it's true. At least the weather has calmed some, it's not sticky and disgusting like it was last week. It's still warm and a little humid, but much more 'acceptable' than last week.

And now I better get to work. There is a paper due in the morning, one to two pages reflecting on how I learned to read, write and talk. I hardly remember anything, and I only talked briefly to the parents, who don't have too many details either. I hope I can do okay on it. I think at this point I just want to get through it. I should be able to get some reading done on the long-ass ride home. I don't know what I'll do for dinner. Money is going ridiculously fast, even worse than I anticipated, I can't believe it.

Must get to work.