Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Here we go again.

So. Much. To. Do.

Don't. Care. About. Any. Of it.


I began writing a response to an interesting and valid comment. Others may be thinking the same thing, and my reply got lengthy, so here it is. Thanks, Jen. :)

Jen, I'm not sure if I really hate or loathe teaching... I've always been kind of ambivalent about it. (The dread stuff this summer is new. I'm pretty sure. I need to reread my archives. Last year left me afraid of my management abilities, or lack thereof. That's what I'm dreading--a repeat of last year.)

Which is not exactly reassuring, but part of me also thinks that I'm holding out for a better teaching job to feel happy. As in, a job where I have enough chairs, fewer than 33 kids in a room, I don't have to buy paper for copies, that kind of thing. The conditions in my school and in NYC are ridiculous. The bureaucratic BS and paperwork overload are everywhere, but I think that would be easier to deal with if there were better conditions, supplies, and a more collaborative, positive faculty.

To be sure, a change *is* definitely in order. I just was too lazy to really feel it early enough, and it quickly got too late before I could effectively figure out how to go about finding that change.
Next year I will certainly be looking for a new job--perhaps a NYC charter school, perhaps an overseas job, perhaps back home in Seattle.

Here's to hoping this dread dissipates soon so I can focus on getting through this year, learning from the bad shit last year, and doing my best to make this a good one. I do have faith that I can be a good teacher.


Jen said...

I'm not trying to be snarky, but why are you a teacher? You seem to loathe it so much, perhaps a career change is in order? I don't know. I guess if I hated my job so much, I would do something about it. At least, for your sanity, before you've wasted too many prime years doing something you hate!

Nancy said...

I can't speak for Julie but I know, for me, once I get past the tedium of dealing with bureacratic crap, I love my job. I love the kids. It's just unfortunate that NYC is a place where it can be really hard to get down to the part of the job I love.

PS Julie, how jealous am I you are already in your classroom, getting a head start! I don't even know yet what my schedule is... hopefully, I'll find out tomorrow when I report back to my school.

Ms. M said...

Our post from yesterday both have the same title (only you added "again"). I have been feeling pretty blah about returning to school too. This summer I didn't plan anything, read anything, or buy anything for school. Being in my classroom today has helped inspire me a little. I really think that for me, working at a better school would help improve my spirits. I feel like I am just trudging along doing what I know (which isn't a whole lot) when I could be improving and learning new things at a good school with good PD, a supportive/collaborative environment, and meaningful observations by administrators who know what they are talking about.

subtext said...

Most teachers who quit teaching quit by the fifth year. When I read that I promised myself I would make it to the fifth year. I wanted to quit many times. I am now in my 19th year. Most of the time I love what I am doing, teaching. I am glad I didn't quit; that does not mean that I don't still think about it. When I looked at some of your other postings, like the one about the end of school; it sounds like you really are a good teacher. My advice to all teachers is to remember the positive. It is too easy to get sucked down by the negative aspects of teaching, but I think, without being a Pollyanna, that the good parts out weigh and are really more frequent than the bad, It is just that because we want everyone to do well we spend a lot of time and energy on the negative.

Good luck with your new year.

Pissed Off said...

I could quit. I am tier 1 with over 30 years in. I btich the same way you do every year. The kids are what keeps me coming back. Knowing that I helped someone move ahead with their lives is important to me, important enough to make me put up with the yearly BS.