Wednesday, September 08, 2004

Deep thoughts by someone way more eloquent than I

"So how do I write, paint, and create at the times when my dear [cat] Jupiter is lying still and hot and quiet?I can give myself permission to stop and be fully present to what is REAL in my life right now.
Our real lives are full of these kinds of challenges and living creatively is the best way to live fully with the "real stuff" of life which sometimes can feel hard, chaotic, and overwhelming."

"I am confident that we must flail and stumble as often as we are called to. I propose that we surrender any big, proud ideas and inch along whenever inching is called for. Surrendering also involves accepting the gloriousness of ourselves and living in that glorious light.Out of the ground of not-knowing will come new growth."

If you haven't read any of her books, go buy one.

I am listening to one of my playlists, called, Soothing, Etc. My favorite song is one that I just added. Sometime in the last year or so, I watched the weird-as-f*** movie Mulholland Drive. The scene in the theatre really struck me, and stayed with me, because of that haunting and beautiful song. Awhile ago, I finally bothered to take a look at the soundtrack to find out what it was called. Just tonight, I remembered that I can download crap again, and successfully acquired the song, "Llorando (Crying)" (I put in the translation and parentheses because the song listed without them is completely different). Man, what an incredible song. It forces you to listen and think. I just realized that this song is an a capella Spanish cover of Don McLean's Crying, which is also a fabulous song. So in the spirit of crying, the words of SARK hit home, especially with this crazy summer I've had.

I remembered a list I made a couple years ago. This is not surprising because I am always making lists. But I'm not actually Type A or OCD, I swear. I just like feeling productive. And crossing things off a list is one hell of a high, for just a simple swipe of a pen. Anyway, this list was about the last six months or so of 2001. In that six months or so, I did the following:
--Graduate from college (!)
--Travel in Europe
--Travel around Italy on my own, knowing no Italian, having no hotel or train accommodations
--Bought a new car (a used one)
--Quit my job at Starbucks (which I'd been aching to do for quite some time)
--Drove down the Pacific Coast by myself
--Moved to Los Angeles
--Three weeks later, made a decision to move back home (and made the drive in half the time)
--Got accepted from AmeriCorps (from which I'd been waitlisted and completely forgot about)
--Moved all the way across the country to join AmeriCorps

Holy crap! Talk about productive, and accomplishing a lot. I am still really impressed with that, with myself.

Now, here is a list of the things that I have done in these most recent six months (You know, this is really just a recap of this entire blog. Hmm.):
--(Nine months ago, I went to Paris, just because I wanted to. Froze my ass off but had a fabulous and wonderful and excellent time. I really wish I could count that in this list.)
--Quit my job (!)
--Moved out of my own place, back home
--Went to New York for a week and froze my ass off
--Got accepted to NYCTF
--Found two part-time jobs to earn money
--Packed up all my stuff and moved all the way across the country
--Endured seven very intense training weeks for teaching
--Moved into a new apartment in Queens
--Unexpectedly went home for a visit
--Faced the school year blind, and now am placed at a small school in District 25.

Yeah, the first list is way more impressive. But this second isn't too shabby, either. This one is more gutsy, I think, looking at it objectively. Definitely more cerebral.

Take the time to think about what you do, what you have done, and what you will do. It is important to reflect on where we've been and what providences have brought us to where we are now. Things really do happen for a reason. But only if you leave your house; this I know from extensive experience.

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