Saturday, September 11, 2004

That lowers the value of the diamond, you know.

So said a dude talking on a cell phone as he passed me on the street tonight. I often hear interesting tidbits from passersby.

Anyway, back to real life. Right now I am a little depressed and anxious about my life. At work I feel like a temp, when I should be feeling like a new teacher. But I have no teaching duties, I'll probably just be observing and wiping noses. Supposedly the region is supposed to let me know when there is an opening for me to get my own classroom. That could take a week, or it could take all fall. Who knows. My life will be in an ongoing state of transition, I won't be able to settle down and focus. God, what if I never get a classroom? Because now that I'm in the reserve, I'm on my own. The region can place me wherever they want, in a high-needs school, in a posh school, even in another region. I joined the Fellows program to work in a high-needs school, but now I guess that won't happen, at least not this year. Obviously, I realize that I did not make an effort to find a placement, so a good portion of the blame is mine. That's fine. The city has been having trouble, though, placing all the people it promised to. So some of the blame is there. Apparently Region 3 is especially difficult to get hired this year. Excellent.

Next, I have a sub-par social life; I have yet to make a real friend here in New York. I feel lonely and alone. (Yes, those are different.) I have spent the vast majority of weekend evenings at home, watching television. Not like I was so busy when at home; I was kind of lonely there too. But I did have friends at home that I could go hang out with, even if just sitting around their house instead of mine. Better with people than alone, right? God, I really just suck. I SUCK.

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