Brrrr

I don't understand how the heat works in this blasted house, but it's not on at least half the time. It's really freaking cold in here right now; I can hardly feel my hands.

I beheld a minor miracle today. My crazy Class B was actually completely silent for about two minutes, while copying revision strategies from the board. There were little noises or chatting the rest of the time pretty much, but I was so shocked at even a tiny bit of utter noiselessness. Perhaps I am making progress, one inch a week or something.

Big Class A is still really rowdy. There are too many disruptive boys. There is simply no way to deal with them. Two that sit on the opposite sides of the room, could not be farther apart, THROW THINGS AT EACH OTHER. Others are very sweet on their own, but near a classmate or in a whole-class environment, still talk and cause trouble. Thankfully, I'm not the only teacher who notices this problem with this class. But what are we to do?

Wish me luck in calling parents this weekend. I've been making lots of calls this week, no big changes as of yet. However, once I have tried to get in touch with parents, and there's still no improvement in behavior, the administrators will get involved. Hurrah!

Let's see. So it's Friday! Wow. It's been a long week, but I can't believe it's already over, if that makes sense. I have a lot of work to do to prepare for next week. Too many lessons to do in too short a time. Fridays are supposed to be dedicated to test prep, too. Yeah, right. I'm still getting the hang of regular lessons. Test prep just throws me for a loop.

The weekend will be busy indeed. I'll spend some time at school tomorrow morning, hopefully checking through reading/writing notebooks and also attempting to organize my library. In the afternoon, our science class is doing a field trip/extra credit thing.

I'd love to go into the city, go to a posh bar, and have some drinks with good friends. However, that will not happen. Possibly ever, for lack of cash to pay for said drinks at said posh bar, not to mention the plural of friends, even good ones. What a convoluted sentence. It just means I'm lonely and broke and pathetic.

Oh! Speaking of pathetic, I was really excited yesterday to get my copy code for the school copier. You pay ten dollars and get five thousand copies! I'd heard it was five hundred, which is quite piddly for a school where all teachers have at least ninety students. But geez, five thousand is awesome. And the machine is in the teacher's "lounge," so no need to worry about getting things into an office three days ahead of time. I'm still trying to plan for a week at a time, but I often don't cement my actual plan of attack until the morning of school. Which is really bad. You're not supposed to wing it. You're supposed to have lots of interactive activities. That's really my weakest point so far, besides classroom management of course. If they have something to do, almost all of them will do it. Especially when I walk around looking to see what they're doing.

Yesterday we did similes, and I was really impressed with what they came up. One girl wrote, When I'm tired, my mind is as blank as a white piece of paper. A boy wrote, A mother's kiss is as sweet as a beautiful rose. Someone else wrote, When I'm happy, I'm like a monkey with a lifetime supply of bananas. Awesome, no?

The homework was to write a paragraph using figurative language. A few forgot that part, but the rest did really nicely. I'm skinny like a rake, when I'm mad I'm as red as a chili pepper, I get angry like a lion, I'm quiet as a mouse, etc. I was pleased.

Next week, we'll do some peer editing and then the final drafts of the reports will be due on Wednesday. From there I'll move them into doing narrative accounts, autobiographical. But you know what hit me this week? I've got to get them to do something for the November bulletin board. It's coming up in two weeks, I think. Hm, could do something about the writing process, like revision for clarity. Or a four-square. Shit, I have no idea. But if I get it done or at least started next week, I should be okay. I hate that planning ahead thing! Yikes.

I guess that's enough for now. Have a nice Friday night.

A nice big dinner

Hurrah! Ms F invited me out with a few faculty ladies. They were fun and entertaining and friendly too. It felt great to have a nice big meal.

Today I began the day with the same out of control class from yesterday. I tried to have a discussion about yesterday. I asked how they felt after class. Some said they were mad at losing the lesson, and several said they felt sorry for me. Hmm. Anyway, I let them come up with expectations for themselves, so that we can work together so the events of yesterday never happen again. Then we came up with some signals. We ended up doing it a few times because they STILL TALKED.

The rest of the day went okay. I met with three parents today, only one meeting was scheduled. They all went fine, the parents were understandably upset to learn their children are failing my class. But hopefully that will be the kick in the pants the kids need to begin shaping up.

I'm sick, all stuffed up and icky. Bleh.

What an awful day

Just like last week, I completely lost control with Class B. It was horrible. I had them for a double period, and it started off horribly. About ten minutes into class, I was fed up. I had the students reflect on the class: what happened, why it happened, what you think will happen tomorrow. It was fascinating to read through them. Here, in their own words, is what happened:

"As soon as the class came in the class started to talk. Ms C told us to be quiet but the class just kept going on. And then Ms C couldn't take it so she told us to get out side. Then she told us to walk to the gym's stairway.
...[When the class came back into the classroom] the noise came back and everybody was talking. She flicked the light on and of. And when that didn't work she told us to...write about what happen today."

..."Some people in the class was igenoring Miss C completely. They were disrespecful to her. She didn't like it. She went [unintelligible], she got so made it was the Hulk!!!! People still didn't care. I thout that wasn't far that she had to sceam so loud."

"In [other classes], we acted more mauter in the other classes. We couldn't get finish with your Reading workshop, and our lesson wasn't finish because of the unmauture class."

"I think this class is bad because they dont listen to Ms C. My class had to walk the hallways and other classes was looking at us. I want this class to be good. I think tomorrow there going to be good."

The Hulk thing is quite an exaggeration. God, I only WISH I could turn huge and green and throw stuff. That certainly would shut them up. See, it's really true that with other teachers, or even when another teacher is in the room, they aren't like this. They know that someone will crack down and give them Saturday detention. But I'm the Hulk? Sure. Now, surely I'm not nicey-nice. I'm very firm and no-nonsense. Why should I give them more than one chance? I should not have to tell them three, or five, or TEN times in one freaking class period to listen.

It was awful. Then, after school, the YMCA teacher confronted me in front of the students, and was quite rude and full of attitude. She told me that it wasn't appropriate for me to be in my own classroom after three o'clock. Among other things. I'm proud to say that I remained calm and rational, but stayed firm. My hands were shaking and my heart was pounding, because I'm not used to that knid of confrontation, but I dealt with it very professionally.

So I didn't leave until I talked to the principal. I let him know briefly of the confrontation, and he asked me to walk with him to the YMCA room. He asked who was teaching in my room, and sounded appalled to learn it's a teacher. Like, a teacher at my own school. He reminded them of moving that group, and then assured me he was going to take care of it right then. Phew. But still, what an end to the day, right?

Fuck, I need to go plan for my day tomorrow. Never enough hours in the day.

My throat is killing me

It's tough to teach with a sore throat! Duh.

So it's Tuesday today. Monday was pretty crappy. I had no control, and I could not raise my voice to make myself heard. Of the three classes I taught, only one actually got a lesson. I was frustrated and tired. We had professional development after school, which was very helpful. We got mini lessons for teaching reading skills. However, when I was chatting with the literacy coach, I got/get the distinct impression that she thinks I'm an idiot and is all impatient with me. If I annoyed her, oh shit, you know? Cause I need her help! She's a former Fellow, so she should understand how desperately underqualified I am right now. She still talks to me and offers suggestions, but it's the tone of it, you know? Anyway, that sucks.

Today went better. A lot of the help was from Ms F, who came into Class B this morning--they're the ones that are now as bad as Class A. She helped keep the noise down, helped with discipline, etc. After class, she told me that she really liked my lesson. Hurrah! I did a good lesson!
I was actually pretty stoked about it--I made a mix CD of songs that illustrate strategies for writing engaging introductions. I used the Rainbow Connection for asking a question, El Condor Pasa (If I Could) for a bold/challenging statement, What it feels like for a girl for a quotation, Downtown for a snapshot, and Seasons of Love for a statistic. The kids seemed excited to have music, but were too easily excited, making noise and stuff, so they couldn't hear the lyrics.

Anyway, I'm at the library because, remember, our internet at home is down. And that SUCKS, a lot. DSL will be installed soon.

Okay, I have to go home, grade papers (the first drafts of the report!), and plan in earnest for the rest of the week. Oh shit, and make copies. And maybe eat a semi-healthy dinner. Haven't done that for ages.

Stupid wireless networks

So the dumb landlord is being uncooperative in letting us get our own cable internet, and his is broken. No internet at home for a week. Crapola! At least I've got lots of Alias to tide me over, and a week of lesson planning to do. Having a plan for this week made my life much easier. Cheers to that, and to Ms J the lit coach for assisting me with that. Here's to hoping that I can organize next week even better.

Yesterday was Friday, which was excellent. My day wasn't an awesome day like Thursday, I had to revert back to some strictness, but it wasn't as bad as Tuesday and Wednesday. That should be motivating.

This morning I slept until about 8.45, and it was lovely. More weird dreams. The night before last, I woke up with a real-life ex, who reminded me with a cake that it was my birthday. Then there were issues with a parking lot and coins, and I could not remember where I lived. I think I was in Seattle or thereabouts, and finally decided I must live in New Hampshire. But I was so confused. Last night, I guess I already forgot. But it was weird.

I made it in to school, and arrived to an empty classroom. Hurrah! I dont know if they finally moved the YMCA people, or if YMCA isn't actually there on Saturdays. In any case, I got some work done. I checked reading and writing notebooks, and looked in despair at my disaster of a library.

I left after an hour because I had signed up for a lesson-planning seminar, but didn't know when it was. And having NO INTERNET at home, I couldn't check. So I got my ass up to St John's University AGAIN, and found nothing. However, I did get into the library, where I am now, and discovered that the thing is at 4.00. Hm. That's three hours from now, so I think I shall try to get to the main branch of the public library, check out some books or movies, and then come back. I did pay some bills, though. Good for me.

My throat feels scratchy, and I've been sneezing more often the past few days. It also seems like my left ear is blocked a little. Grr.

At long last, a reprieve

A miracle has occurred, my friends!

The positive behavior index-card chart that I talked about yesterday, I began it today. And it WORKED. Class B, who were so out of control yesterday, were like a dream today. Oh my god! It was fantastic. I had big nasty Class A one period, and they were much better. Still chatty, but BETTER. A miracle, I tell you.

I felt so much better about myself today. The past few days, I heard myself talking to the classes, and I was the teacher I never wanted to be. Today I didn't have to do that. I tried to focus on encouraging them to be on task, and I witnessed kids on task that normally are not. And of course, I rewarded them with praise and a tally on their card.

Ironically, or maybe not, irony confuses me, the Queens College mentor observed me for second and third periods. I'm very eager to hear his feedback. Also, I'm a little glad that today worked so well. (Oh god! I just realized, maybe they were better behaved because a strange old white man was in the room!) If he'd been there yesterday, he would understand my situation, but I would also be ashamed a little bit, to have someone else witness my lack of control as a teacher.

Here's something else. Over the weekend, I bought a cheap little boombox for my classroom. Today I had music playing during reading time (when, praise the deity, they were actually QUIET, and READING!), and they liked it! Didn't want to have it turned off!

My last class, the small Class C, was actually more rowdy than the other classes today. Weird. But not out of control or anything. The one time it got a little talky, I went over to the index cards and said, So and So is on task, Someone else is too, and put up tally marks. That quieted them. Wow!

And it's funny, but those ones can make me unwillingly smile. I think they can read me a little better or something. More likely, I'm tired of playacting a meanie by the end of the day, and they are pretty easygoing kids. It's fun to loosen up with them, one on one. Sometimes I feel like a kid, too.

PLEASE, if you like me at all, or even just if you KNOW me, please think good thoughts about continuing this new behavior. Me AND the kids.

Ups and Downs, Continued

Happy birthday, Mom!

Today continued this week's trend of being difficult (boy, what a terribly-constructed sentence. Oh well). My Class B is nearly at the level of Class A in terms of me lacking control. It really frustrates me.

The literacy coach offered some ideas, stressing that behavior management is all about innovation. That made me groan inwardly, because in things like this, I'm really uninnovative and uncreative. However, clearly I need to make a change. The notes home didn't work, names on the board didn't work, the hollering to make myself heard doesn't work, the (negative) chart doesn't really work.

Must begin some positive reinforcement. Someone does a system with index cards and stamps/stickers, and use that for participation points. I like that idea, except I'm pretty sure my kids would lose them. And if they went in the bags with notebooks, they wouldn't have it all the time. So what I'm thinking is to post them all up on a wall chart thing, each class on a different one, and put marks or stickers on that. Publicity may not be good for all of them, but maybe that will be another incentive to do better. Let's see. I'll give them a tally mark for each time I catch them on task or participating, etc. Each five tallies will get a sticker. At five stickers, a reward. Or does that sound too long-term? Hm. See, so much to think about, that I don't actually do anything. But right now I'm writing out index cards. Wish me luck.

Thus, with all the behavior problems in class, I finally made some calls this afternoon and spoke to parents. I've been nervous and worried and intimidated, and have put that off. But, phew, they have gone well. All the parents/relatives are very nice and cooperative and want to know if their kid isn't doing homework or acting up in class. Thank goodness! It's also nice to know some background on the kids--home situations or family life or whatever. Puts things into perspective better.

A pretty significant number have done no work at all, and are not on task in class. Make up homework doesn't really make sense because the homework has built on itself, but I think offering extra credit assignments would be fine. I found a book report form, and that could be worth two homework points or something. And the other kids could do them too, for more extra credit.

In other news, the YMCA people really DO want to kick me out. The teacher found me yesterday after school; they went to a different classroom for some reason. I stayed for awhile, but still got hardly anything done. God, there is SO much I need to do in there, it's ridiculous.

Inner Bitch, Come out, Come out, Wherever You Are!

I felt refreshed and ready to go this morning. Ha! I had no control today. It was not good. My plan for practicing etc was a little overeager. There was still some organizing to do. Tomorrow I shall practice with them, of course.

The report stuff seemed to confound them. They were all, "What? What is this? How do you do this? This is hard!" I was like, oh, whatever. No, not really. Actually, I told them that I am going to walk them through it, step by step, and even do a sample one too. (I chose Spain after my teaching adventures last month.) And that if they follow along and FOLLOW the DIRECTIONS, they will do well. We'll see how it goes. Ms F came in to help out with one class, and saw that apparently my vocabulary, like "draft" and "source/resource," was baffling them. Wow! I'll have to try to remember to explain things better and make sure they get it.

Um, what else? Oh, I met with the literacy coach, and she helped me organize my lessons for the next two weeks. Cool! And she noticed the Time for Kids notebooks that I'd found in the teacher locker. We opened them up and found all kinds of lessons, transparencies, and articles with activities. Hurrah! Going through all of it will take a big chunk of time that I don't have now, but thanks to whoever left them in the room! I'm sure they will come in very handy. Man, if I had an overhead projector, that would make so many things easier. Less sloppy writing on the blackboard, for one.

Hoping for another new start

After a downer of an evening yesterday, today I have put together a plan for the week.

I will begin each class tomorrow by pointing out and explaining the daily rituals (I will have to scramble to make the poster before school begins). We will practice the steps, signals and errands within those rituals.

Then I shall pass out information about the report. It will be due on Monday, October 25. The report will be at least two pages in length, double spaced, plus a title page and pictures. It must have elements of the 5Ws, and some compare/contrast. (God, two pages sounds so small--I could do that in my sleep! Must remember the level they are on. My mom made an excellent point--make the assignment so that they can all SUCCEED. If I get them to write a good two page paper, that should begin building a solid writing foundation that will eventually lead to longer, more complicated papers.) My timeline gives them two weeks and two weekends to do everything. In class, we'll work on vivid language and peer editing and revision.

I have lesson plans actually typed out for Tuesday and Wednesday, complete with Objectives and Standards. Woo! I feel much better having a plan like this. Plus, hopefully it will make my week easier, and minimize the work to do after school.

American Holidays

Boy, what great history this country has. Click here to read about the real deal behind Columbus.

A not-so-wee Poem

What are my insecurities?
ha--
what aren't my insecurities?
is a better question
because--
I'm not smart enough
not nice enough
not creative enough
not thin enough
I'm too selfish
too weird
too common
too shallow
too introspective
not involved enough
not interesting enough
too sheltered
too white
too frugal
not focused enough
not ambitious enough
too loquacious
....
just off the top of my head.
does that suffice?
so what the f*** do I do now?

Sleep, Part 2

I slept ten hours, then took a shower and watched Alias. By 5, I could not keep my eyes open, so I went back to bed. It felt like many hours, but it was only about one and a half. Holy crap.

It's 8.30, I feel a little more awake now. Awake enough to realize what a loser I am; yet ANOTHER Saturday night at home. Sigh.

I thought about trying to go to Target, or at least up the street to Duane Reade for snacks. But then I'd have to get dressed, and ugh, am I really up for that? Maybe later. Tomorrow I suppose I really should leave the house.

Beautiful Sleep

I could easily have crashed at 6pm last night, but I stayed up until 2am. I was actually dizzy by then. I slept hard til 12 and had to force myself to wake up. I think I must be anemic, because holy crap, I get so freaking tired.

I watched the debate last night. I didn't see the first one, but Bush seemed pretty well prepared for this one. When he tries to be all charming and clever, he comes across as smarmy and icky, to me anyway. Kerry gave a great response to the question about abortion/choice. Hurrah! I couldn't tell you who "won," but I still know who I'll vote for. (Dear postal service in Washington, please mail absentee ballots VERY SOON.)

I haven't begun to really think and plan for next week yet. I'm scared, because it's going to take a lot of effort. At the moment I have no brainpower. Since there are two more full days to rest and plan (HALLELUJAH!), perhaps I will take today as a personal day, and watch me some Alias. The discs have been taunting me, sitting on top of my computer, all week.

Shit, I'm tired. Maybe a nap, too.

Sigh.

The second week has come to an end. Whew, I am tired.

My exciting plan for today was kind of moot. Two classes didn't even get that far, and the one class that did totally didn't get it. I think I overestimate their skills. A lot of them are really literal. They're really used to copying things off the board and don't use critical thinking skills. So when I direct them to use author, genre, etc to write about a book, they make a list saying, Author: So and So. Genre: fiction. or whatever. GAH!

Overall, today was so-so. I got angry one time, but it was my fault (obviously) because I'm not being consistent with structure, and the kids have too much time to just sit. I gotta work on that. But I'm hoping that after the chaos today, things start to get smoother. They all have reading books, and most of them have writing notebooks. They still need to get reading notebooks. Dammit, if I'd been here since the first of the year this wouldn't be a problem. It's irritating.

I think I've said this before, but these kids DO NOT PAY ATTENTION TO DIRECTIONS. It drives me nuts. I should be more firm, and only say the directions twice, and make them ask for help from peers. I hate repeating myself, and plus I hate being ignored.

I met another first-year Fellow who seems much more settled and at ease than I feel. It's reassuring, plus she can give me tips and know where I'm coming from. Also, I talked more to the literacy coach, and she gave me some more information and offered to help me map out some lesson plans. Whew. I told her about the YMCA thing the other day, and she reacted the same way I did. Thank god. AND she offered to talk to the principal. All three of us walked out of the building, and Mr Principal was there. She asked him about it, and he was just like, we'll find them a new room. Wow! I was thrilled and relieved to have an advocate like that, and to feel like people were on my side and understood that HELLO, I need to have access to my own damn classroom!

Next week, even though it's a short one (Woohoo!), I will probably have to begin anew, AGAIN. I must decide on a structure and routine and actually stick to it. I'm going to start from scratch on the report thing. Bring on the mini-lesson.

Almost Friday!

Hallelujah, this week has gone so quickly. I can NOT wait to sleep in on Saturday! I am exhausted.

Today went okay. I had to do a coverage, of another sixth grade class. I brought my activity book and did a following directions game. They really sucked at it. But I was glad that they were willing to do it. There's the power trip; the kids would do anything if a teacher told them to. They will write it down, do it for homework, probably even jump up and down. It's kinda crazy.

More success with the Read Aloud today. Still working on management/behavior. I sent three more notes home today, just in one class. Big D made a better effort today, he raised his hand to participate in our discussion of news reporters. A good step. I must chat with him individually to encourage him.

After school (I only stayed til about 2.40), I went to our last FA meeting, at a diner in Woodhaven. We all sat around and vented, sharing our stories. I enjoyed seeing people that aren't in my class this semester, and I was so relieved to hear that no one else has a clue what they're doing. Thank god.

I've got tomorrow pretty well figured out. Today I introduced the 5W's and H, with a short article on a museum opening. I decided that tomorrow, we'll practice using the 5Ws to report. So they can connect to their reading books, choose a character and event from the book, make up a when/why/how etc, and write an article/short report on it. Cool, eh? That is a great tie-in, so that the reader's workshop flows into the writer's workshop. Hurrah. Over the weekend I'll be figuring out some better details and plans for the next week.

I'm feeling good right now because I can go to sleep soon, and it's almost the weekend, and it will be a long weekend. YAY!

Two small victories

I'm hoping they will be at least a little significant. At the very least, they were entertaining.
Both were in my middle class. You know, I have the big, bad class (say, Class A), and the small, pretty good class (Class C). Then the other one (Class B) is still pretty rowdy, but a little smaller and not as tough as the first one.

This class features a few talkers, lots of distracted/distracting kids. One in particular is really bad. He literally can't sit still, can't keep his hands off other people's things, desks, and bodies. He bugs me and everyone around him. I have him in the most front-and-center desk and table, but that doesn't really prevent anything; I just can see him do everything. He totally doesn't do anything, and is really a huge distraction. What can I call him? Hm, I'll go with Big Distraction.

So. We were doing something, I was doing my bitch routine and instructing. (The bitch becomes a teacher when instructing, don't worry; I don't want to alienate the kids so much they don't participate.) And Big D throws out, "This class sucks."

So I replied, "What if I said that YOU suck?" And the class crowed at that, some actually applauded.

When I got back to the front of the room, I heard some kid say, "Now he said that you suck."

Having cut my teaching teeth in the urban ghetto of Baltimore, I knew exactly what to say. I retorted, "If I were one of you, I would be talking about his MAMA."

The room ERUPTED. Hoots, cheers, shouts for a solid two minutes. I tried, pretty unsuccessfully, to hide my grin. Big D was all nodding, saying, "I can't beat that, you got me." And the other kids were all, "Ooh, you got PLAYED!"

It was pretty awesome.

A bit earlier, I had begun to implement the Reader's Workshop. Since I'm such a newbie and feel clueless, I'm starting my skill lessons on the Seven Habits of Efficient Readers. First and easiest, activating schema. (If you've ever taken a psych class, you know that that means your network of prior knowledge networks.)

So I talked about the Three Little Pigs and then a Chinese version of Little Red Riding Hood. I did my Read Aloud with the latter, called Lon Po Po. (By the way, that was actually a no-no; I had never cracked the book, it was all impulse. Thank god it worked. I will plan next time.) Some of the kids had heard of it, and it was actually pretty interesting. Quite different from our version, so it was perfect.

There's never enough time for anything, and I happened to get to a page with a suspenseful end bit. Something like, "The wolf didn't answer." And I Thought Aloud, "Oh, I wonder what he's thinking? We'll have to find out tomorrow." And the whole class chorused, "Noooo!"

They can be reached! I really hope that today was a benchmark in the Forming-Norming-Storming-Performing thing. After Monday's low point, and getting my class structure going, I feel so much better about everything.

So now I have to actually start teaching. Eek! The students are expected to produce a report of information by the end of ten weeks (this is week four!). Oh, AND a narrative account (fictional or autobiographical). Perhaps once I get them started with the report stuff (which will take a couple weeks, I imagine. Most of these kids don't know how to write a paragraph.), I can do the autobio/fiction in class. God, this is going to be tough.

Ms F, my teacher center savior, helped me today after school, coming up with lesson ideas for the rest of the week. Phew.

Then came the bad part of the day. The YMCA comes to our school to do an on-site after school program. One group of them is in my room starting at 3.00. Since time is so crunched during the day, and I only get about twenty minutes before school, I've been trying to stay after school and work on organizing things, or decorating, or making charts or whatever. And now they're having a cow.

The after school teacher (who never erases the blackboard! Hello, common courtesy?! Grr) muttered something like, "We've gotta get a new room" when I came in today, after meeting with Ms F. Of course I ignored it, but I was a little irritated. So she went and chatted with the YMCA guy, who "tattled" to the YMCA people downstairs. I'm sorry, I know that's childish and inflammatory, but really, that's what it felt like. Because then this lady came in to the room and tapped me on the shoulder, and asked if she could have a word with me outside. Of course, I agreed to, pleasantly.

When we got to the hallway, this lady said that they have been assigned this room for the program and that I'm disturbing the class, and something something. I said, "well, this is my classroom." I wasn't sure if she thought I was some kind of wanderer. But I guess she knew that. I told her, look, I'm a brand new teacher, I'm still putting my room together. There's no time during the day, and I get here before 7.30 every day. She still was all, "But Mr Principal." I said, "I understand you have to use the room. But I do, too. I would love to sit and talk with everyone and maybe work out a compromise." The lady said, like I was an errant fucking child, "well, I'll talk to Mrs So and So, and she'll have to tell Mr Principal about it." Like they were going to tattle on me for doing something wrong and inappropriate. That really irritated me, but I just said, "Okay, sure."

So I walked out of the building at 4.00, nearly two hours after school was over, worn out and all riled up and defensive. I certainly don't want to insist on someone not getting the room or anything, I know that they need it to help the kids. That's cool. But for fuck's sake, IT'S MY CLASSROOM! Are they going to kick me out of my own room once it hits 3pm? How will I decorate my room? Work on my library? Do ANYTHING AT ALL? And then I realized they'll probably be there on Saturdays, too. I'd hoped to go in for a couple hours on Saturdays, just chill out, and work on my room and lesson stuff. All of my supplies are there, for chart making, all the books that I should be using for lessons, everything. I carry lesson books home, but that's about it. There's no way I'm going to cart paper, markers, decorations around on buses and trains. That's just ridiculous.

I'm still all irritated. I've barely even met the principal, so now the YMCA people are going to make me look like an intrusive pushy stupid new teacher. Who will advocate for me? There's no way I'm going to back down about this. I certainly don't expect to stay so late every day, and maybe eventually, I won't need to really stay after at all. But I can't plan ahead to what I might need to do, or how long it will take. Oh, or WHERE it might take place. The lady tried to suggest limiting my activities to the back of the room.
I think it's just stupid to think of limiting my extra time in my own fucking classroom. If a meeting should take place, which I would totally welcome, I would of course be polite and courteous and professional. I can discuss this calmly, we can figure some way to mutually understand each other, so everyone's needs get met.

Calm after the storm

Probably more like an eye rather than the calm, but still. Today was so much better. The first thing I did on getting to my room was put up the posters I made last night. A huge relief.

The turning of the calendar page seems to have prompted Mother Nature to turn too. This afternoon was a clear azure sky, with a distinct chill in the air, especially in the shadows. Appropriate, because...

I was a hardass today. I spent time going over the rules and consequences that I told you about yesterday. And a noise-level chart too. I was very stern. It seemed to have some effect. What really did help was putting names on the board. Even the problematic ones were all, Noooo! when I followed through on their misbehavior. Thank goodness I didn't have any repeat offenders, because I don't yet have a note to send home. I'm going to make one tonight.

There are some nice things that I can relate about yesterday. One was announcing jobs for my last (good) class. Each time I said who got what job, they were like, Yesss! All excited. It was so cute. Also, when I got home, I had my first email from a student, asking about the homework, that it wasn't on the website. It was neat.
And of course, Ms F and Ms J talked to me and reassured me that things will get better and that I'll be okay. Thank you so much to them.

So, today was better. I was sterner, but I could have been even bitchier. I'll have to work on that. (No, I'm totally serious; everyone agrees that to make it in your first year, you MUST embrace your inner bitch.) It can be kind of fun, playacting the villian. BWAH HA HA!!

I had even more great help today, from both literacy coaches and Ms F again. Two of them helped me with my bulletin board, and one went over in more detail how to use notebooks and workshops, AND gave me a great setup of the scant "furniture" I have to create a decent-looking library.

After school, I stayed for about an hour. I put together the bulletin board, except the rubric, which I'll do tonight...or tomorrow at lunch. I organized my desk a little more. I put up erasable memo-paper on which to write my homework, objective and standard each day. Again, it is a huge relief to finally get these small but gigantically-important things up and done. It only took me a week! Sheesh. But still, hurrah that it's done. Well, not done, but well on its way.

My breaking point

Today was my breakdown. I cried three times. That one class, I have zero control over. It frustrates me so much. I know that it's a tough class (other teachers have problems with them too, so thank god it's not just me), but I also know that I bear the responsibility of not getting control.

So tomorrow I plan to begin executing my rules and consequences. Still figuring out what exactly those should be. My rules WERE "Respect" and "Be Prepared," but those are so vague that they need accompanying explanations. So those will still be the expectations, but I am going to make a clear list of rules that can actually be followed or broken. I think they will be: Listen when teacher or others are talking, Stay in your seat unless permitted/directed otherwise, Raise your hand to speak, and Bring homework and all materials to class each day. Then my consequences will be something like: name on board, check by name=note home, teacher-student conference and phone call home, parent-teacher-student conference, then a conference with the dean or something.

Good god, wish me luck. It's not that I can't do this, I just don't know how yet. I really must work on being a mean hard-ass. I wish I had a louder voice.

Okay, I have to go write charts and then sleep. Ha.

Oh god, here comes the breakdown

So I feel like I can't do this. I have no resources! I'm supposed to have a school-based mentor, AND a city mentor. The whole reason I did the Fellows program was for the support and comeraderie. There is no support, anywhere.

I'm not supposed to have more than thirty students in my room (one class is 31, the bad one is 35!). I don't know how to do the things they want taught. I can't get my students to shut the hell up so that I can talk, let alone teach. There is no room to move them when they are repeatedly disruptive.

Surely I feel overwhelmed, but it's deeper than that. It's like drowning, but worse. Like, drowning while in a swimming race. You're still expected to get to the finish line, even though you aren't in the right-size pool, you're wearing clothes instead of a swimsuit, you don't have goggles, you've never had a coach tell you how to do the stroke you're competing in, and the other racers are using your lane but still ignoring you. No one is helping you with anything, but you will be PUNISHED if you don't get to the finish line. If you can even find it. Don't forget that even while you're flailing, you're getting more and more broke.

Broke financially, and I think today I've finally broken mentally. I don't even know if I can function tomorrow, a Sunday. Monday is just going to be scary--thirteen hours straight through or something insane like that. God, how can I do this?! Right now I can't even tell you how desperately hopeless I feel.

Do you know who you are?

Would you pick yourself out of a crowd? What sort of person are you? Do you ever wonder that secretly you're not actually okay?

Me, I honestly don't know much about myself. Sometimes I think I'm pretty decent or whatever, but then I catch myself being really catty and petty. Like, my classroom isn't really all mine; another teacher comes in to teach social studies during my preps. At three, a YMCA school group is in my room. I want to stomp my feet and holler, it's MINE! Go away, this is MY ROOM!

I'm not at a full-fledged breakdown, but I'm definitely past the tip of the iceberg. Today I finally met some resource people--a teacher center person (who says she will help me with my bulletin board!) and the literacy coach. They got into all the details of what I need to have in my classroom and what I need to do. See, I still don't know what all of it is, or how the hell to do it. It's all very new-age and stuff, so it's not like I could rely on my own memories of school (if I had any useful ones). So, while I was thrilled and relieved to discover some people who can help me, it also made me despair at all that I lack.

This week, I had nothing. Nada. Nothing to teach, nothing to teach WITH, no materials, not nearly enough space, NOTHING. They threw me in a room filled with rowdy eleven-year-olds. Sure, I got some handouts on the workshop model. But you have to teach students how to be in the workshop periods, and I have nothing to teach them! I am completely clueless. I'd thought that the week went fairly well, for what I had to deal with, and honestly, I still do, I guess. But I can't even tell you how much I should be doing next week. Most of it is stuff that is still unclear to me, or just plain vague. "Teach a minilesson on picking a book." WTF? You just pick a book. Ha, yeah right. There's a fucking "strategy" for EVERYTHING now. Stupid Vygotskyian hippies at the department of ed.

So yeah, there's your answer for what kind of person I am. I can fake it, but I can only take so much pressure, then I completely collapse.

To make things more "exciting" (remember how quotations=sarcasm?), the pay is absolutely ridiculous. I'm supposedly making this great salary; I WILL NET TWO GRAND A MONTH. That is fucking bullshit. I DARE you to advocate for a goddamn billion-dollar football stadium. Football stadium in the middle of midtown Manhattan? Are you nuts? Of course, all the people with money (namely the Mayor and the Jets-DUH) are gung-ho; they only stand to get more money. How about you take that billion dollars and use it to teach your kids? Oh, right, YOUR kids go to private academies! Because REGULAR TEACHERS GET PAID NOTHING, SO THE SCHOOLS SUCK! All the regular people move out of the city so they can get a decent education.

Circle of life: Put no money in the system, nothing comes out. It pisses me off to no end. You probably can tell, huh. It sort of feels like it's a big thing for show, like oh look at our democratic process! We're not looking for money, we...want the Olympics here! Right, the Olympics! Go, America, etc! See, it's not greed, it's national pride! And world peace! No, it's totally not about the money I stand to earn! And who cares if people get displaced and/or disturbed--not to mention the TRAFFIC--for the next five hellish years of construction? MONEY! Er--I mean, GOD BLESS THE USA!

There, I know who I am: I don't take bullshit from the conservative right-wing rich.

Holy crap, go read this.

An email report from an American journalist in Iraq. "The situation," indeed.

Thank goodness it's almost Friday

I am worn out, and can't wait to rest up for next week.

Today I began "teaching." I have that in quotation marks because it still feels a little surreal that I'm so in charge of everything in that room. Although yesterday I really felt like a teacher, grading eighty papers in one night and reconfiguring my seating charts. Whee! Anyway, so I taught a mini lesson on the four-square method. The class I always have at the end of the day actually got through everything, and I had about ten extra minutes. I did a little more read-aloud. The students seem to enjoy it; some of them are very vocal and participatory when I ask questions about the story. That's exciting!

My big class is still a huge problem. I literally got in three minutes of instruction in a forty-five period. And it's really going to start hindering the children that ARE behaving; the loud ones are so loud that I have no choice but to interrupt class to "discipline." I've got to get some kind of chart set up. And a consequence list too, and then begin acting on it. Oh, and remind me to implement the bathroom signout log.

I kept one of the rowdy students after class; they had lunch so it was okay. I talked to him about needing respect. He is really disruptive, but he's always wanting to tell me that someone is doing something wrong (like talking about his mama, or shooting rubber bands). So I told him about turtle control, where he pulls a 'shell' up so that nothing can get to him. Also, I said, "if someone is bugging you, talk to me after class, or even write me a note. But I need you to focus on me so that you can learn. I'm here for you, I want to help you get out of my room to 7th grade, but you have to be ready to learn, to respect, and be prepared." He was very quiet and seemed, if not contrite, willing to agree to improvement. We'll see how tomorrow goes. But I was happy with the way it worked out, and plus that was the first 'teacher-student conference' I've done.

Please, if you'd all be so kind, cross your fingers and hope that I stay patient and see even a modicum of improvement in all my classes next week. In other words, think good/happy thoughts for me. Thanks. :)

Silence means NO TALKING!!

I said this phrase fifty times today, easy. "ZERO! NOTHING!" I wasn't yelling, but I was speakly a little loud and definitely sternly. My throat is the most sore it's been since school started. Interestingly, it was never sore last week; I hardly ever raised my voice.

Anyway, today went alright. Last night I went to the teacher supply store (ooh! I could spend all day there, and all my paycheck too, I'm sure), and got a whole bunch of materials to begin decorating. So I lugged it (my backpack, a rolling backpack, AND a big-ass plastic handle shopping bag) on the train and the bus and up the stairs to my room. I only had time to do a couple things, but I'm planning to stay after school tomorrow and get a big jump.

I didn't get much accomplished today in class. One class had time to do a teeny lesson on fact and opinion. I'm still addressing tons of behavior problems. All the children throw paper all over the place, with their hands or even rubber bands. Oh man, does it pisses me off, on several levels. One girl was struck on the eyelid with flying paper today; I see things arcing through the air during class; there is paper and crap all over the floor. As I tell them, it's extremely disrespectful. Then they're all, so and so is hitting me! or talking about my mama! or doing something else! It's hard not to just say, oh shut up, let it go! Of course I would never say it, but that's what goes through my mind. If that makes me a bad person, well, there you go.

Um. Now I have to start figuring out what to put on my bulletin board, next THURSDAY. Shit. I think I can have them do a four-square write and then use that to rewrite their autobiographies. But that means that in a week I have to teach the four-square thing and give them time to do a couple drafts and revisions. It will be a tight squeeze. I'll just have to do my best. God, the stress NEVER ENDS.

Why am I using so many ALL CAPITALS?

Monday night I was just worn the hell out, and I slept really hard. But last night I hardly slept, again, and was awake at 5.30. You remember how much I need and love sleep, right? Sleep is like necessary gold to me; precious currency to live normally.

Yeah. Going to bed now. See ya.

The world turns upside down again

Hello everyone, welcome to week three of my world.

On Monday morning, before leaving to go teach more Spanish (armed with not only a week's plans but a pop quiz too!), I got a voice mail telling me that I had been placed. For real this time, permanently.

I am teaching 6th grade English/Language Arts (ELA) at IS-, in Queens. I was very relieved to discover that it's still a little less than an hour travel time--a train and a bus, plus another bus four blocks if I'm lazy. They threw me in to teach third period (what has turned out to be the rowdiest class, too)...and I had NOTHING. Nada. I introduced myself, talked about Seattle, and gave a random homework assignment, to write a one-page autobiography. That way I could learn about the students, and get a glimpse of their writing skills.

Today I reviewed my rules--Respect and Be Prepared. Simple, but thorough--respect yourself, other students, the teacher, property belonging to yourself, others, and the teacher. Respect means listening, following directions, keeping hands and feet to self, etc. Be Prepared physically--in uniform with all of your class materials: three writing utensils, notebooks, etc; academically--study, do work, have homework completed; mentally--be ready to learn! Your brain should be 'on' when you walk in my door.

Let's see. So, because ELA is comprised of both a reading workshop and writing workshop, I have each class for two periods. Thus, I only have three classes. Fewer names, better connections, one hopes. That one rowdy class pisses me off, but I think I'm wearing them down. I paraded them back to the hallway today, and had them stand up to get quiet. Tomorrow I'm finally bringing in a whistle. Take that, chatty eleven year olds!! Bwah. And the table point chart thing is still developing.

Somewhere between a quarter and a half of each class is actually good students, who pay attention and attempt to be on task. That helps me mentally, which...is better than nothing.

Things change. And so it goes.

Another "exciting" weekend

See, "quotation marks" is shorthand for "sarcasm."

Last night, I stayed in on purpose to watch tv. Today I attempted to buy my math textbook...sadly, the bookstore is closed on weekends. Before you think I made a rash decision to even try, I did call last night to check the hours. I could have sworn the message said open from 9-2 on the 26th. But it must have said the 25th. Eh, at least I got a nice walk out of it. At least that's what I told myself. I stopped in to the library and gotta few more books, then to the grocery store.

And then, I just sat in, had some nachos, and didn't really do anything. Tomorrow is Sunday. I'll finish my homework (which I did most of last night), work on my plan for the week, and watch me some ALIAS!

What's your AQ?

Because the commercials were just too strange, I went to the website. It's a quiz and then an analysis. My label turned out pretty accurate: Inward Inspirational Seeker, who is: curious, open-minded, low-maintenance, cautious, sensation-seeking. This is what else it says:

"You learn best by placing yourself in new situations--stretching your comfort zone helps you to develop a clearer picture of who you really are. You are a rare breed who places equal importance on having physical and mental adventures--you are conscious of their distinct benefits. As a thinker and experiencer, you take precautions before engaging in potentially dangerous activities. Above all, Inward Inspirational Seekers are interested in the intrinsic rewards all adventure has to offer--peace of mind, perspective and personal growth."

Aw. Eerily accurate. It's like they were reading my blog! Ha. I love personality tests. And I love adventures! Man, I can't wait to travel again, some more! All these great fares have been advertised lately, but I have no money. Travel will have to wait til spring, possibly summer.

Oh, hurrah, it is Friday.

Wow, what a week this has been. And to think, every week will be like this, for the rest of time!Well, for the next eight months. Oy. I'm tired. How I wish every weekend were three days.

Today went okay. It started off differently; apparently I didn't check in soon enough and so the schedule guy put another teacher reserve person in "my" room. I started to freak out a little bit, because of all the effort I've been putting in to my classes. I created seating chart templates last night, have been putting things up on the walls (even though I have no backing paper), and really feel ownership and responsibility for the classes and subject. When I talked again to the schedule guy, I let him know that, kind of, and he agreed to keep me there. I can't say that I didn't perk up a teeny bit at the idea of letting the whole thing go and not worrying about learning Spanish. But I also felt a pang of, hey, wait, this is mine, I've been working hard to do this and I'm making progress.

I was thrilled to note the other day that on Fridays, I don't see the monster class. However, one or two other classes are still rather unmanageable. Here's to hoping that time will wear them down. My homeroom class has turned out to be the best-behaved. They're still rowdy, but they seem to enjoy me and so respond to my requests.

OH SH*T!

That's what I gasped when I looked over at my alarm clock--it said 8.32! The alarm was still set, but never went off. Crap, crap, crap. On a positive note, I was better rested today!

My first period class was covered for me, and I had a second-period prep today. I arrived at school at 9.30, and had some time to organize my room even more. I brought some maps today, and put up a few more vocab words on the wall. It helped make the room more homey, because frankly it's totally cold and unfriendly. The first day or two I never thought to turn the lights on, because I'm silly like that, and of course that makes a nice difference too.

Today I spent an entire period with one of my classes just with discipline. I had to wait awhile with them lined up in the hall, but then after they'd come in, it got too loud, so we went back to the hallway. And nothing got done at all. Which is a shame, but one hopes that it will build the blocks for better tomorrows. Heh, what a cheesy line. True nonetheless.
Indeed, my homeroom class, who took a long time to calm down at the end of the day, was much clalmer this afternoon.

The monster class continues to be tweaked, meaning that students are coming in and going out. One young man was there today who was completely off. Another teacher let me know that she's going to try and get him out of the class. And the dean and principal drop in now and again, and even they have to be super stern to get the students under control. But they DO get quiet for those two...and as soon as the real authorities leave, the noise level creeps up again.

So, things continue to be interesting. I'm tried in a new way many times every day. But again, I pretty much expected it, and so I'm working within that.

SILENCIO, POR FAVOR!

This is what I say all day long, in vain mostly. Actually, all week. But it's early yet, I'm not giving up.

Today was a decent day. I had three classes in a row, one prep, one class, two preps, and one class. The monster class was there third period today. I made sure to get the dean over, to let him know about the not-enough-desks/too-many-children situation. He brought me more chairs and took four students to transfer out. A bit later the principal came and took a few more students out. It was certainly an improvement and relief to have places for all the students to sit. They were definitely still noisy and rowdy, but it was okay. Not a disaster.

When I got in to school this morning, I asked about this class--will I be staying there? Do they have a "real" teacher for it at all? And the guy who assigns us was like, no, so yeah, you'll probably be staying there. Are you okay with that? I said, well, this week I'm fine. But since I don't speak Spanish, I would begin to worry about teaching it after that. So he knows, not like that will likely change anything, but oh well.

Thus, I realized that I have to begin thinking of myself as a real teacher. A "real teacher" with "real classes" and "real problems." All of that "well, I'm in the Reserve Pool and they're supposed to place me and so I'm all temporary and not really a teacher and hello no one told me I would be dealing with full-grown teenagers!" is out the freaking window.

And with that, I began my quest to set down behavior management rules. I put signs on the doors, one saying Enter (in English, Spanish, and French) and one Exit. That way I can control how the class comes in. No more kids running in and out willy-nilly! I made all my classes line up in the hallway, explaining that I would know they are ready when they are silent, facing forward, and in a straight line. All of the groups grumbled and took some time to get ready. And I only made one class do it all over again when they were noisy inside the classroom. During a prep, I went to the resource room and made a sign about how to enter the classroom, and taped it on the wall beside the Enter door. I'll have to go through it with some new classes tomorrow, but I think it will definitely serve me well to begin making rituals and routines. All the same, cross your fingers for me.

Today, as well as a bit yesterday, I had the students pair up to practice their letters. I was able to circulate and hear them and help them practice. That felt good, because I could see that even the ones who were distracted were still making attempts to work, at least when I was standing at their desks. And some students needed help and so I was able to do that. Again with the real teacher thing.

I think I forgot to mention that before, how on Monday I kind of had a little inner freak-out. This week is the first time I have been in a classroom, by myself, all on my own (god, in so many ways!), all day, actually teaching. It's still surreal. I'm actually a little worried that I'm starting off too mean/cold/sarcastic. I don't want them to think I'm bitter and turn against me just for my personality or lack thereof. That's different than being just a plain bad teacher. Which is of course another worry. Although honestly, at this point, being a first-year teacher, AND being thrown into a subject which I know nothing about, I totally expect to be a bad teacher, or at least not be a good teacher. No one is a good teacher at the beginning of their first year.

All of this introspection this week has really surprised me, because I'm handling it fairly well. I'm totally swimming, you know? Obviously, this is a highly-stressful situation, but I haven't cried or lost my temper (though I did snap once yesterday with the monster class), and I feel like, as much as is possible, I've been able to keep a fairly level head. Frankly, I'm surprised and rather pleased and impressed with myself. I knew this was going to be hard, and it is, and that's that.

What's totally killing me is not being able to sleep. Sunday I tossed and turned. Monday I tossed and turned most of the night. Last night, even though I felt ready to drop at 6 but stayed up til 11, I tossed and turned most of the night. My mind just will not stop whirring. Singing "heads, shoulders, knees, and toes" (because I am trying to do that as an activity to learn the Spanish words), or thinking of activities, or of situations in which I performed poorly, or spoke harshly or too sarcastically, or thinking about what to do with my room, or thinking about what kinds of rules or procedures I might use. Etc, etc, etc, forever and some more, until the stupid alarm goes. All morning my whole body felt half-dead from sheer fatigue and exhaustion. This happened most of the summer too, with the summer school classroom experience. Clearly I am scared about that and will very soon be thinking about chemical aids to help me zonk out.

Congrats Chip & Kim!

Hurrah, nice people won the Amazing Race! Check it out.

Si, Habla Espanol!

Whew! Through with day two.

I started from scratch with the first class today, because first period yesterday was a bust. After that, another class came in and had already done the colors. So at the end of second period, I suddenly thought to myself, wait, I had a second-period prep yesterday, what's going on? Yikes. There was no class third period, so I visited a mentor down the hall, and she explained the schedule--eight periods a day, and the kids all stay together, based out of their homerooms. Each day has a different schedule.

Altogether, today was alright. I did some review of the alphabet, an evaluation of yesterday's "lesson," if you will. I asked them to turn to neighbors and then spell out their names, using Spanish letters. It kind of failed. They could copy down the spelling of pronunciations that I had put on the board, but many of them didn't know how to say them. Or at least they needed prompting and reminding. So maybe tomorrow I'll go over more vocabulary and also then spell the vocabulary words.

Oh, and the dean of the floor has an office next to this room, so he comes in sometimes to address a behavior problem that he spots. Later, during a prep, I was chatting with him, and told him I don't actually speak any Spanish. He was all, no way, you sound like you do! He looked impressed and I was very flattered. At least I am teaching the kids authentic-sounding Spanish basics. Though today I started to worry that I was using an Italian accent/style in some words.

The classes mostly responded to my "Silencio, por favor!"s. They would at least get quieter, if not completely silent. One or two students would automatically repeat it, though, because we'd been doing that with other things. I felt kind of bad about that, it was apparently misleading for some students. But like I said, most of them are getting the hang of it.

I had three prep periods/lunch in a row, then one class. The day was sort of spoiled for me by that last class. It was the huge one from first period yesterday. It's actually two classes, and another teacher told me that one of them is for special needs. (Glad I got the memo on that. Like subs have any expectations otherwise, right?) But good lord, it was a disaster. Kids getting up, walking around, out the door and back in, nonstop noise. The students in the front of the room (which were almost all girls, I think) were paying attention, and were also disrupted at the noise from the back half of the classroom. I went over the alphabet with them, because they got nothing yesterday. For about ten seconds during that recitation, I had the entire class's attention, and there was no extraneous noise. Before we even got to Z (zeta--seta), a couple students began whispering/chattering/talking again. My throat hurts. They mostly ignored the "Silencio"s. I was at a loss, I was very irritated at them, at the lack of equipment in the classroom, and of course, angry and disappointed in myself for not getting control of them at all, let alone effectively. I need more tools. And token economies and behavior charts are all well and good, but for a substitute to eighth-graders, I have no power. I don't know if I'll be in that classroom tomorrow, I certainly don't know any names to note or report the many behavior problems.

So I'm trying to let that anger and disappointment go, and remember that I felt like I was making a little progress with the other classes. I will try to ask for help about that huge disruptive class. I might even let go of the Spanish and try something different. I can't help almost wishing I would go to another classroom tomorrow, so that I can just forget the problem. Because, like I said yesterday, it is not legal for me to be hired for this position. The school supposedly doesn't have any vacancies, although the Spanish classes have yet to have a permanent teacher. But what if the region can't find me a permanent spot for awhile and this school keeps me as a long-term sub...god, can I teach Spanish for more than a week?

Holy crapola!

I went to Jamaica to the junior high. They put me in a class of 8th grade Spanish. SPANISH. I speak FRENCH. Oh god.
The first period was awful, because I had nothing. I talked about some Frenchy things out of desperation, and even brought out the MadLibs. Yikes.
Thankfully I had a prep next, and I visited an experienced Spanish teacher. Thank goodness, she was wonderful and gave me some ideas and materials (like chalk, of which there was none in the classroom, nor books, charts, overhead, anything). She ran through the pronunciations with me, and so after that it was much better. I felt fairly comfortable the rest of the day, at least with the saying things in Spanish part. It was super basic--alphabet, common phrases, days of the week. But these kids were brand new to Spanish, so they knew even less than me, hallelujah.
It was an exhilarating day, because it was my first as a real teacher, on my own in front of actual students all day long. A little scary, but I just jumped in and did my best. There were issues with talking and disturbances, some classes more than others. But I could also tell that I was reaching some of the students. More than half of each class, if not more, was actually paying attention and participating. Which was definitely a relief. Though still difficult, because the loud ones made it hard for the good ones to hear me.
Overall, it was a huge learning experience. I feel like I can do anything now, sort of. I'd love to go back to them the rest of the week, because all of them were like, are you our new teacher? are you another sub? do we have a real teacher? I would love to become their permanent teacher and work with them--there's tons of potential. On the other hand, it's not fair to give them a Spanish teacher who doesn't know Spanish! Not to mention the fact that I'm only certified to teach up to sixth grade.
Must get to bed and rest up for tomorrow. Wish me luck!

Dang, this just isn't very interesting, isn't it?

This morning it was brightly sunny with a chilly wind. I walked the other direction on 71st for the first time, and walked for a few blocks on Metropolitan Ave. Discovered another library and a bakery. The rest of the day, I worked on my homework assignment and watched XMen2. It was cold in my room! My roommate came up with the brilliant idea of pouring some olive oil on the window chains so that I could close the window. Still, brr.

Apparently the Emmys are on tonight; I had no idea. For a moment there, I thought about putting it on, you know, in the background. But honestly, I have zero interest in award shows. So I don't even care. Bliss in ignorance, as they say.

From RE: blogging about blogs

1. RE: Your blog – when did you start and what made you do it?
I believe that the very first one...wait, now I can't remember! I started one through UW, it was fairly dull--just papers and thesis updates. The big one was through GeoCities, which I opened at the end of my junior year of college (2000), to serve as a travelogue during my study abroad in Paris. That way I wouldn't have to send out a bunch of mass emails all the time, and it also would serve as another journal/photo album of the trip. I just kept it going after that, including a big trip in 2001, and my AmeriCorps experiences, all the way up to quitting my job early this year.
During AmeriCorps, I started a team website on GeoCities so that the families and friends back home could see and read about everything we did. They seemed to appreciate it.
I was about to run out of room at GeoCities and then happened upon Blogger. I wish I'd found it sooner!
2. RE: Someone else’s blog: Is there someone who runs a blog that inspired or inspires you to start and maintain your own? Who are they and what is so special about them?
No, not really. If I think about it, the other blogs I read make mine look quite pathetic in comparison.
3. Show me the linkage! Give us some blog linkage that contain some of your favorite posts and content – - who are they? Why are you linking them?
Most of my favorite bloggers are writers for Television Without Pity---Pamie, Sars, Regina Rouge. They are brilliantly funny and intelligent women, which makes for excellent reading. Not to mention my college friend Rae, who is not only a prolific blogger, but an artist too!
4. Are you ever guilty of blog neglect? Do you feel bad? Guilty? Do you just NOT blog at all? Or try and fill your blog with stuff just so that there are regular updates? What is a busy blogger to do?? Do tell!
Sometimes I haven't had time or equipment to update, but mostly I can fill a post just fine. Now, the quality is another matter. I've yet to master the topical, well-written entry. My excuse is that this is more of a journal than a writing portfolio; also that I figure no one's actually reading it. I used to address posts to my invisible readers. That's always fun.

Childhood fears

From this site: Do you remember what you were afraid of when you were a little child? What brought it on? How did you deal with it?

There are two that immediately spring to mind, and are linked. The first is dark--I've never been afraid of the dark, but I used to scare myself when there was dark behind me and light in front of me. One of the houses I lived in during my childhood had a downstairs bathroom. The stairway was an angled one; you know, four steps to a landing, then the rest of the flight at a right angle to the right. The light bulb was on the (second-story level) ceiling at the landing. So, coming upstairs from the bathroom (which was right at the foot of the stairs), there was a mass of blackness at my back, and a line on the landing whereupon it became bright. That never ever failed to freak me out; I always imagined how scary it would be if something was behind me in that dark. Not necessarily that I thought something was behind me, and not like I had a real imagination to create a darkness monster; the thought that an unknown and unseen creature could be there, and could then chase me, is what scared me.

The second thing I was "afraid of" was being chased. To some extent, I suppose I still am; no one really chases me anymore, though. My brother and I, or friends and I, used to always run around. There was always a point when I was being pursued, that the anxiety came to a head and the fun crossed into true fright. Of course I knew that there was no danger, it must have been instinctual. Usually I emitted some primal shriek, or at least wanted to. I don't know, it's hard to explain, but it almost always got to me if I was being chased long enough. Perhaps some of it was fear of actually being caught, but I also freak out about my footing. Like my scariest dreams have always been the ones where I can't run away or scream. So when I was being chased around the house, part of me was frightened that I would trip or suddenly not be able to move when needed. As I said, very possibly some kind of primal instinct.

A Long Weekend

Well, it certainly does make for interesting current events when hurricanes dump their residual rains along the Northeastern seaboard (or whatever you call this area). It's a good thing I did not leave my bedroom/apartment today. Speaking of hurricanes, my teammate Jess is heading to Florida to help with Red Cross disaster relief efforts. Good luck, be safe, Mwah! I would so love to do Red Cross again; it's a terribly unique experience to be involved in disaster relief. Someday, I will. Probably sometime in a summer, or when I'm all old and retired, like most of the rest of the recruits. No, really.

On the train yesterday there was this dude. He was completely a punk from the 80s, by which I mean the movement, not the derogative name. He had a mohawk (though it was short), a plaid button-down complete with rolled short sleeves, tight-fitting black jeans that were just barely highwaters, white socks, and clunky thick-soled black shoes. Oh, and eyeliner. I vacillated between being impressed at his efforts, or rolling my eyes at his efforts.

Yesterday I went shopping for more "household furnishings" as Money calls it--two more blankets!--and visited with two friends. In the last few days I watched some movies--Lost in Translation, which was neat, Bill Murray is the shit; 50 First Dates, which was quite cute and funny; and the newest production of Oklahoma, starring none other than our favorite stage and screen hunk Mr Jackman. Dude, three hours is a long time. And as much as I love Hugh, I like the original film version better--if just because Shirley Jones is the all-time queen of movie musicals.

This has been a very long long weekend. I had an entire weekend, and then another one right away. Four days! And it's only been three so far, but it feels very long. I suppose this makes me ready to face a new school and age group on Monday. I've actually been printing out worksheets and activities in anticipation of the event, in case I need something to do with a class. Not like I can run off copies or transparencies of any of them, but it does help me feel a little more prepared. And I'd almost forgotten about MadLibs! I'm all about educational fun.

Let's see. Like I said, it's a long and quiet weekend. Tomorrow I have to finish my homework assignment, which is a science lesson plan. I believe that's the only thing we have for Monday; I hope so, anyway.

Friday Forum, from the Daily Meme

Because I am such a lame writer at times, I was excited to find this site with prompts and things. Now we can get to know each other better. Woo! This one jumps right in.

1. Starting with your head down to your toes, what health/beauty products have you used/applied to your body so far today? [For example, shampoo, toothpaste, makeup, cologne/perfume, nailpolish, etc.]
Let's see. Dove shampoo and conditioner, Suave kiwi bodywash, Suave toner, Oil of Olay moisturizer, some eyeliner, Maybelline mascara, Cherry Ice lip balm, and Hawaiian Ginger body spray. I do my best to be minimalist.

2. Do you have a ritual when you take a shower, such as washing your hair first or maybe even brushing your teeth in the shower? If so, what? Do you prefer baths or showers, usually?
I always wash my face first, then shampoo and rinse. Then put in conditioner, let it sit while shower gelling, then rinse. Then I'm done! Wow, that's exciting. I almost never ever take a bath; maybe one or two in the past three years or something. I like to take showers at night so that I can sleep more in the morning.

3. How do you get yourself up and going in the mornings? Coffee? A hot shower? Breakfast? Would you consider yourself a morning person at all? When do you usually get up?
I have never been a morning person, nor will I ever be. I don't ever drink coffee, though sometimes I wish I did so that I could have a caffeine rush. I can't stand the taste of coffee and I can't afford it either. In college I realized that caffeine gives me a headache, so I stopped drinking soda as much as possible. To "wake me up," I just wash my face. During the second round of AmeriCorps, we stayed in a cabin in the woods. It had no heating or hot water, but it did have running water. So I washed my face every morning in ice-cold water, got used to it, and have ever since used it as a natural pick-me-up. Man, that sounds cheesy.

4. Do you normally eat breakfast? What do you usually have? Do you usually make it at home or go out for breakfast, or do you prefer not to eat breakfast?
As stated above, sleep is always more important in the mornings. So I take the least amount of time necessary, and breakfast is not a necessity, at least not at home. In previous jobs, I brought food to snack on when I got to work, like granola or an english muffin. Lately I've mostly ignored breakfast, which sucks because I get hungry pretty early. So, I'd like to eat breakfast, but I can't afford to go out, and besides I'd like to be healthy-ish. If I ever get my act together, I'll bring a cup of cereal for the morning before school starts.

5. What does your alarm clock sound like? A buzzer, music, or something else? Do you ever set your clock fast so that you push yourself to get ready sooner? Are you usually on time, late, or somewhere in-between?
I noticed way back in elementary school that alarms have a way of getting in my head. Music would become part of whatever dream I was having, not wake me up. And buzzers just irritate the shit out of me. So what I do is basically jolt myself awake with loud music/radio. I've never really seen the point of setting the clock ahead or back or whatever, because I just calculate what time it actually is. I'm pretty good at being on time, though I have a tendency to let time go and be almost late. Just cause I'm so tired and sometimes want to stay in bed.

Funny things

More interesting stuff that I found when pawing through my myriad belongings.

The "Important Safety Instructions" for some electronic appliance I bought a couple years ago:
1. Read these instructions.
2. Keep these instructions.
3. Head all warmings.
4. Follow all instructions.

HEE!

And an old comic from the Western Washington University newspaper that cracked my shit up:
"Excuse me, how do I get to Parks Hall?"
"Go straight until you see the giant orange mosquito, turn left, go past the beastiality sculpture. Don't let it scare you. When you come to the lump of rusted metal, turn right. It's past the cube, and past the UFO crash site. When you get to the bowling ball people, it's right in front of you."

Funny 'cos it's true.

My Ox is BROKEN!

Bwah! If you haven't been watching The Amazing Race, watch the season finale next week.

I have a new twitch. It's in my right eyebrow, and feels like a tremble/tremor thing. Oh, so fun. And get this, my quads and outer thighs have been super sore. The only possible explanation I can come up with is that the first day especially, I kept crouching down to talk to the new kindergartners on their level. Like a day full of squat lunges. OW, it hurts. Especially when I'm about to walk down a flight of stairs, I wobble a bit like an old lady. Very weird.

So now there are four days stretching out before me. What shall I do? I would love to get a library card...they require all kinds of crazy ID and stuff, so wish me luck. How I miss free books. And this local branch has a shitload of DVDs too. Ooh, I'm all excited and can't wait to go to the library. What a nerd.

I wish I could try and prepare for next week. I feel like I should go shopping for supplies, but...I don't know what to get, and I still don't really have the money yet. I did get a tiny paycheck today, made to HULIE. Assuming that the next one will be a real-sized one, I should be able to start getting back on my feet, financially. Mostly I want to get ahead on my credit card payments. The past six or seven months, I keep charging as much I'm paying off, so the principal hasn't changed much, which means as time passes I'm paying interest on interest. Grr. My only solace is that this is a recent and desperate measure; I wouldn't have been able to live on the meager income otherwise.

Hurrah for Long Weekends

I am so thrilled and relieved to have such a long recovery period from the first week of school. And I'm not even a real teacher yet!

I was in the hallway with the girls from this class. I was 'quizzing them' on hand-washing (it was more interesting than it sounds, especially to five-year-olds), and actually taking an authority role. In the middle of it, one of the girls goes, "I love you." Aw. Usually that kind of thing takes a little more time and more personal interaction, but it feels nice all the same. Figures, because...

On my way home today, I got a message to report to a junior high in Jamaica (the part of Queens, not the island) on Monday. Sadly, that's not a permanent position either, but it will most definitely be educational! I'm trying to think of other classroom management, because in early elementary it's cheesy things like "One, two, three, eyes on me!" or "Stop, Look, Listen." Which I've never been able to bring myself to do. I like the idea of a hand signal, but that seems a bit juvenile too. Not to mention the fact that I'll probably just be subbing around the school or something. Dude, it will be tough.

The first days of school

So, remember, I'm a not-really-para in a kindergarten classroom at my temporary school. Yesterday the children came to school for the first time, for a very short day. All the parents brought them up to the classroom and helped them settle in. Many took pictures and/or video. Crazy technology craze. I helped welcome them, put on name tags and start an activity. After that, I didn't really do anything of much value to the classroom, just errand-type things for the teacher. It wasn't bad, but it wasn't teaching.
In the afternoon, I went over to a first-grade classroom to help out. Again, I did errand things. Tried to help out with managing the kids during "independent practice." Some responded to me, some kept on being hyper six-year-olds.

School memories

Tomorrow the children of New York City begin school! The ones in public school, anyway. Like I said, I'll be working with kindergartners and first graders this week. Do you remember your first day of school? I don't. Sadly, I don't have a lot of specific memories about being in elementary school. Let's see what I can conjure up.

First of all, my parents applied to get me in to kindergarten early. Since my birthday is in November, I wouldn't be able to start until the year that I was already five. But when I was four, they were all, hey, she's smart, let's get her in school. That must have been...1984? Yeah. Anyway, so they took me to the University of Washington for testing by the psychology or sociology department. I know all of this because I have the report about it. The tester's description of me is a little depressing--a quiet, sad-looking little girl with dark hair. I had just moved, so I didn't know my address. Jeez, I was a toddler with newly-divorced parents--you can bet your ass I was confused about a lot of things on the home front. Anyway, they administered the Wechsler scales! We just learned about those this summer. I scored a vocabulary IQ of 106 (but the tester noted that I appeared to be having a bad day and that I was probably much better normally), and performance IQ of 123, and an overall IQ of 115. Neat! So I made it, my scores averaged higher than my age, up to six years in one or two categories. On I went to school.

I know that in kindergarten I was a big ol' knowitall (some things never change!), and I was always telling people how to spell things. I remember the big swing next to the giant cherry tree in the playground. I believe that we tried to learn how to use chopsticks. I did most of a second year in kindergarten because I was so young. Actually, I just found the 'report card' from my first K teacher, and she wrote that even though I was advanced for the level, I was too young, and recommended that I stay one more year. My parents must have been okay with that. But I remember that in the spring of the second K year, they asked me if I wanted to move back up to first grade. I was like, okay.

Suddenly going to another classroom was weird. I believe that I felt out of place, because I didn't know how they did anything, they were already set in their routines and I was clueless. For example, there was a class loom, and all the kids were on a list for when they would have a turn on it. Obviously, I never had a turn. And I think once we made donuts. Those were really yummy.

Second grade, I definitely remember spelling-related things. That's the year I decided to memorize the spelling of "chrysanthemum." I'm not sure why. In any case, to this day I can recite the letters, all quick-like. I also remember losing the class spelling bee to stupid Jorunn Grobey. I spelled the word "stomach" as "stamoch." I knew that it was kind of a funny word, and had both an "a" and "o" and just took a guess. Dang it. Jorunn was also the other fast girl in class. For some reason, the big thing at recess was to have races among the girls and boys, perhaps even between girls and boys. I believe that I was second-fastest among the girls. In fact, I think once I even beat Jorunn to win the temporary honor. Woohoo. Let's see. I remember that we had a lot of homework. I had a bright yellow plastic notebook binder that I recorded homework in. I think I did a report about dogs once. Oh, and when I was at home, I found a book I wrote in second grade, called My Dinosaur. It was short, sweet, and very weird. Here is what I wrote, punctuation and grammar and all:
"Dedicated to My whole family and MRS MOORE
"If I owned a dinosaur, at school I would pop him then shove him in my desk.
""I would feed him banana-berry and strawberry-cherry splits.
"I could take him to any movie any time.
"I would always take him to "Little Shop of Horrors," and he would like it!
"He would let me ride him on the way to school.
"He would be a magician. Like say I said "I want a thousand dollars" he would just clap his hands and there it would be!"

"About the author
"My name is Julie C. I am 7 yrs. old. I wrote this book because I like the movie Little Shop of Horrors."

Whee! Clearly I was a little short of attention span, and had strange ideas. The dinosaur was inflatable, a magician, and had hands. Okay, seven-year-old me.

Anyway. Third grade we learned to write cursive. I so wanted to be perfect at it. We also adopted an orca whale named Nugget, and as a big class project, made a life-size chicken-wire whale. When it was done, it hung from the ceiling by our room the rest of the year. That was cool. Ooh, and we had computers in the classroom for the first time! There was one Apple IIGS.

Fourth grade was long division, ugh. I struggled with that. And one time, the teacher asked a question about 5x5. I knew the answer, but my brain confused it with 5+5, so I said 'ten' instead of 'twenty-five.' I was very embarrassed.

Fifth grade, I began playing cello. We had rehearsal every day before school started. There was a big group project we did, called Pioneers. It was like a role-playing game version of The Oregon Trail. And there was a Commodore computer in the back of the room, that the boys always hogged. Harrumph. That was the year that Sinead O'Connor's Nothing Compares 2 U came out; I remember some girls discussing it in the cafeteria.

My school experience was unusual in that academically, I did well. Socially however, it was not so pretty. I had no friends at school. Interestingly, I had a whole host of them out of school, but no school chums. Especially fifth grade, I was totally alone. All the pictures of me from the class 'yearbook,' I'm by myself. Really quite depressing, looking back.

That lowers the value of the diamond, you know.

So said a dude talking on a cell phone as he passed me on the street tonight. I often hear interesting tidbits from passersby.

Anyway, back to real life. Right now I am a little depressed and anxious about my life. At work I feel like a temp, when I should be feeling like a new teacher. But I have no teaching duties, I'll probably just be observing and wiping noses. Supposedly the region is supposed to let me know when there is an opening for me to get my own classroom. That could take a week, or it could take all fall. Who knows. My life will be in an ongoing state of transition, I won't be able to settle down and focus. God, what if I never get a classroom? Because now that I'm in the reserve, I'm on my own. The region can place me wherever they want, in a high-needs school, in a posh school, even in another region. I joined the Fellows program to work in a high-needs school, but now I guess that won't happen, at least not this year. Obviously, I realize that I did not make an effort to find a placement, so a good portion of the blame is mine. That's fine. The city has been having trouble, though, placing all the people it promised to. So some of the blame is there. Apparently Region 3 is especially difficult to get hired this year. Excellent.

Next, I have a sub-par social life; I have yet to make a real friend here in New York. I feel lonely and alone. (Yes, those are different.) I have spent the vast majority of weekend evenings at home, watching television. Not like I was so busy when at home; I was kind of lonely there too. But I did have friends at home that I could go hang out with, even if just sitting around their house instead of mine. Better with people than alone, right? God, I really just suck. I SUCK.

Rocks and Hard Places

Did anyone watch that special on NBC last night, about Aron Ralston? He's the climber that got pinned by a boulder and eventually had to cut through his decaying arm in order to get free. Oh my, it was such an intense show! He and Tom Brokaw climbed right back down into the canyon where it all happened. It was the first time Aron had been back, his blood was still on the canyon walls, the epitaph he'd carved himself with a knife was still visible. The way he talked about it, you could really feel the isolation and desperation he went through. When he demonstrated the final sawing through his right arm, he fell back, demonstrating his sudden freedom. His face registered this expression--surprise, shock, disbelief at the sudden fortune, uncertainty...man, I could feel it too. It was an incredible story.

Deep thoughts by someone way more eloquent than I

"So how do I write, paint, and create at the times when my dear [cat] Jupiter is lying still and hot and quiet?I can give myself permission to stop and be fully present to what is REAL in my life right now.
Our real lives are full of these kinds of challenges and living creatively is the best way to live fully with the "real stuff" of life which sometimes can feel hard, chaotic, and overwhelming."
---
"I am confident that we must flail and stumble as often as we are called to. I propose that we surrender any big, proud ideas and inch along whenever inching is called for. Surrendering also involves accepting the gloriousness of ourselves and living in that glorious light.Out of the ground of not-knowing will come new growth."

from planetSARK.com
If you haven't read any of her books, go buy one.

I am listening to one of my playlists, called, Soothing, Etc. My favorite song is one that I just added. Sometime in the last year or so, I watched the weird-as-f*** movie Mulholland Drive. The scene in the theatre really struck me, and stayed with me, because of that haunting and beautiful song. Awhile ago, I finally bothered to take a look at the soundtrack to find out what it was called. Just tonight, I remembered that I can download crap again, and successfully acquired the song, "Llorando (Crying)" (I put in the translation and parentheses because the song listed without them is completely different). Man, what an incredible song. It forces you to listen and think. I just realized that this song is an a capella Spanish cover of Don McLean's Crying, which is also a fabulous song. So in the spirit of crying, the words of SARK hit home, especially with this crazy summer I've had.

I remembered a list I made a couple years ago. This is not surprising because I am always making lists. But I'm not actually Type A or OCD, I swear. I just like feeling productive. And crossing things off a list is one hell of a high, for just a simple swipe of a pen. Anyway, this list was about the last six months or so of 2001. In that six months or so, I did the following:
--Graduate from college (!)
--Travel in Europe
--Travel around Italy on my own, knowing no Italian, having no hotel or train accommodations
--Bought a new car (a used one)
--Quit my job at Starbucks (which I'd been aching to do for quite some time)
--Drove down the Pacific Coast by myself
--Moved to Los Angeles
--Three weeks later, made a decision to move back home (and made the drive in half the time)
--Got accepted from AmeriCorps (from which I'd been waitlisted and completely forgot about)
--Moved all the way across the country to join AmeriCorps

Holy crap! Talk about productive, and accomplishing a lot. I am still really impressed with that, with myself.

Now, here is a list of the things that I have done in these most recent six months (You know, this is really just a recap of this entire blog. Hmm.):
--(Nine months ago, I went to Paris, just because I wanted to. Froze my ass off but had a fabulous and wonderful and excellent time. I really wish I could count that in this list.)
--Quit my job (!)
--Moved out of my own place, back home
--Went to New York for a week and froze my ass off
--Got accepted to NYCTF
--Found two part-time jobs to earn money
--Packed up all my stuff and moved all the way across the country
--Endured seven very intense training weeks for teaching
--Moved into a new apartment in Queens
--Unexpectedly went home for a visit
--Faced the school year blind, and now am placed at a small school in District 25.

Yeah, the first list is way more impressive. But this second isn't too shabby, either. This one is more gutsy, I think, looking at it objectively. Definitely more cerebral.

Take the time to think about what you do, what you have done, and what you will do. It is important to reflect on where we've been and what providences have brought us to where we are now. Things really do happen for a reason. But only if you leave your house; this I know from extensive experience.

Holy torrential rainpour!

Stupid East Coast weather patterns...it poured most of the day. Traffic was disgusting. It took me two full hours--a train and two buses--to get from my place in Forest Hills to my school in Bayside. Good lord. Thankfully, many others had problems too, so I wasn't conspicuous or in trouble when I came in late.

The day got better after that. There was a staff meeting in the morning, and in the afternoon I helped with random tasks here and there. I felt more welcomed today, people were friendly.

And thankfully, it was a quick trip home--less than an hour, and only one bus and train. Let's hope that tomorrow is not a repeat of this morning.

Back to work

First of all, I could not sleep all night. That really has to be one of the biggest pet peeves of all time, because you can't force yourself to sleep! Man, it sucked. Anyway.

Getting to the address in Flushing took an hour, which isn't bad, but it felt like forever. I hate the Q25 bus. The address was the Region 3 Operations Center, and I sat in a room and signed the sheet. I figured I'd be sitting there all day long, because hello, bureaucracy much? But my name was called about an hour or so later. I was assigned to PS130 in Bayside.

It took awhile to get there, two buses. Coughed and struggled not to openly gag when standing on a street corner near a bunch of smashed fish. Blech. I arrived at the school around 11.30. Of course, no one knew who I was or what I was doing. I felt overdressed in my nice new professional suit, but that's okay. I felt like a grown up, and now I know that I can tone it down a bit. I helped a couple teachers with preparing math materials.

It was a pretty quick day. I expected to feel overwhelmed, but mostly I was just confused and a little disappointed. See, I'll be at this school, doing who knows what, for who knows how long, until someone from some office calls me with a classroom assignment of my own. And this school is apparently a really good magnet primary school. I was all taken aback and confused at that, after all of the talk about working in high-needs classrooms. The staff seemed pretty nice, and fairly welcoming, even though most of them assumed I was a student teacher. Oh well.

Um, let's see. After school (which gets out at 2.50!), I took the F train all the way through Queens and Manhattan and then into Brooklyn, for another citywide placement fair. It was my first, but just as frustrating as I'd feared. No schools from Region 3. Thankfully, the bigwigs knew that we were having problems finding opportunities, let alone jobs, so we were cleared to look in other regions, as long as it was in the same borough. I talked to two people, both in Brooklyn, and they were nice and marginally interested, but nothing solid. And I don't think I'd be cool with signing up to teach somewhere on the spot. Although, after today, maybe I would. So while I am glad for the experience, it was fruitless. However, I did very much enjoy catching up with some of my classmates who were also there.

Okay, I am tired now and The Amazing Race is on. Later.

We went to see Hugh Jackman in The Boy from Oz. He was fantastic! Afterwards, we joined the throng at the stage door for autographs and photos. We were successful. Woo! 

Back in Perry Point

A lovely example of a sunset from the Point.

This a group picture from the AmeriCorps weekend way back in June. Setsuko, Rachel, Roko, Val, me, Dave.  

WOOHOO!! I'm back online!

Today I broke down and bought a wireless adapter, so that I can get online at home. Hurrah, it works!! I am so relieved. I'm just hoping that when the cable modem is installed sometime soon, this thing will still work.

Anyway, yesterday I got back from a few days back at home in Washington. I was there about four nights, and got to hang out with family and friends, and relax too. I really enjoyed it. Didn't go anywhere terribly special really, just the same old places. I loved driving my car again. I spent a lot of time going through all the stuff I'd put in boxes in the barn. I found all the Paris/travel stuff that I'd wanted to. Altogether, it felt wonderful to be home and with familiar folks. Coming back to New York wasn't exactly a thrill.

So anyway, here I am back home in Queens. Yesterday after I got in, I went shopping and finally got some school shoes. They will go with the new school clothes I got last week. Woo! I haven't bought clothes in who knows how long. And they are good! Yay.

Happy Labor Day. And for me, happy last day of nothing to do. Tomorrow, I start to work! I'll be reporting somewhere in Flushing...I forgot to write down the address but have a map of the intersecting streets. The website that had the address stopped working. So wish me luck that I find this place. I'm planning on taking two buses to get there, and I'm giving myself at least an hour. I'll be crossing my fingers.