Monday Monday, not a Blue Monday

Good afternoon, all. Well, I guess it's almost evening.

I set the alarm for 8 and called the temp agency. They're still trying to find something for me, but I did get work for Wednesday, downtown. So that's something. I'm excited to have anything, really. I didn't really get up (which is AWESOME), and eventually fell back asleep. The phone ringing woke me from a dream involving working with Omarosa at a motel; she was trying to get out of it. Heh. Then I called about my car, and the whole thing is still on hold because the insurance people need to reevaluate something, since the frame shop found more things to replace (shocker!). I walked over to the post office and mailed the letters I wrote on Saturday, then crossed the street and picked up a few groceries, mostly frozen things to have for "real food." Mm, edamame.

In the afternoon, since it was SO warm, my mom and I drove to Redmond, and then headed to Carnation. So pretty and serene. Went to the Tolt river, which was so high that the part of the bank we usually go to was underwater; actually there was no shore/bankline until the spot where the Tolt and the Snoqualmie join. The water was ice cold, of course, so I only got my feet wet (I'm a big Wimpy McLamepants when it comes to getting in cold water), but that was just fine. I lay on a towel on a sandbar and read a book. It was very quiet, since only three other people were at the river. The water bubbled by, the breeze kept it from getting to stifling, all in all very lovely and pleasant. I got a tan/sunburn on my shoulders and back. My legs are still super pasty, though. After we loaded the river rocks into the car (my mom puts them in her garden for paths or something), we stopped at Small Frye's for shakes and curly fries. Yum. Then drove through Preston, to I-90, down 900, and home. A nice afternoon.

I had planned on visiting other nearby Catholic schools to get on their substitute lists. Because someone at the agency had mentioned a three-week assignment, I decided against the school thing. But apparently the assignment didn't work out, so I'll go to at least one of the schools tomorrow. There's one right in downtown Renton. I also have to organize a regular school visit, which is a requirement before going to the training in New York. There's homework to turn in about it. I haven't done homework for three years. Guess I better get used to it.

Boring McBlahville

The other day, I made a little nest out of the upper bunk, like a kind of daybed retreat. I sat up there for most of yesterday afternoon, and some of this afternoon, writing letters and reading (both serious and fun material), even snacking. It was fun. It still involved sitting on my ass, but it was better than sitting on my ass in front of the computer and television. And it made me feel a little bit productive. Sort of. In a really lame way.

This week I hope to pick up my absent vehicle, with the assorted athletic paraphrenalia that suddenly I need but don't have, and work on finding, well, work. I must embrace my inner capitalist whore once again, if only for a short time. I also must work on getting my ass out of the house. I don't want to be a hermit, but I have been too lazy to do anything else. Or actually, do anything at all. Heh. Despite snacking on easter chocolate for most of this week, my body hasn't suffered too much (at least the outside). But I wish I was doing enough "exercise" to offset it...so I'll also be trying to get walking. I wish I could run; I would love to build up my aerobic endurance. Someday, perhaps.

I totally meant to volunteer on Saturday, but with my back acting up on Friday night, I didn't want to be all half-assed with a hammer the next day. So I wimped out. Maybe I'll do it next Saturday, or even find something during the week. Which I really meant to do this week, it being National Volunteer Week or something, and Earth Day was Thursday, and today was the Reproductive Rights March on Washington...but I did nothing. Meh.

At this very moment, I am watching the Comedy Central Bar Mitzvah Special, waiting for a green face mask to dry, wrapped in my favorite blanket in front of the computer. Boy, what a nerd. I promise I'll try to make up for it tomorrow.

Chemistry

Do you know the element used in atomic clocks?

That's the only question I got right on a Difficult quiz about the elements. (See the end for the correct answer.) Even the easier ones weren't as easy for me as I'd like. I guess it's okay that I've gotten dumber.

The week has been so-so. I haven't really gotten out of my hermit-like funk. Wednesday I went into town and picked up some applications. Thursday I went to a local private high school and got onto their substitute list! I'm already signed up for two days in May. Eeee! That's kind of exciting and nerve-racking...but altogether will be a good thing. After that, I turned in a Starbucks application...apparently hell has frozen over. I suppose I won't hold my breath for a call about it, but man, I need money.

Sometime yesterday my back starting hurting. I skipped the workout last night but went tonight...I think it was a mistake, because it's still burning and aching in my lower back. Owww. It makes me walk funny, like I'm either limping or waddling. Hurts really bad. Booooo.

Blah blah blah.

It's cesium, by the way.

The Joy of Travel

I had some photos blown up to add to my gallery display. What's interesting is that they're all from different places: a forest in Bradford, NH; a fruit stand in Paris, France; a bird's eye view of Brugges, Belgium; a sunset over the Gulf Coast near Biloxi, MS; and a sunset at Perry Point, MD. They join photos of a waterfall on the Isle of Skye, Scotland; a statue of Cupid and Psyche from the Louvre; a sunrise in Nafpoli, Greece; the square of Saint Peters' Basilica in the Vatican, Italy; the Cathedral de Notre Dame in Paris; a "street" in Venice, Italy; and the Trevi fountain in Rome, Italy.

Monday Blues

Well, today I pretended to be mildly productive... I went around town, bought some more clearance Easter candy and some fruit. Also got some hair scissors, and came home and cut my hair! It was an interesting thing to do, it was difficult but fun. I think I cut a couple inches; it just brushes past my shoulders, since it's all wavy. It turned out quite well, if I do say so. Nothing too special, but it seems fairly even. Not too shabby. Even the back looks fine, from what I can see with the double mirror trick. All in all, it will do.

I took a nap, and read, and did not much else. Went to the workout, which was okay. Better than the Sunday morning one. But I decided to myself that if it's possible to have situational depression, maybe that's what I'm going through. Sheer lack of anything to do turns into severe boredom and loss of interest in everything. So I just sit around. Not only is nothing appealing, I also don't want to find anything appealing. Which means I'm wallowing. At least it's not quite the same wallow that I used to partake in, wherein I just kept thinking how ugly and irritating and weird and pariah-like I am. There's definitely an element of that now, but mostly I just feel braindead. I'm numbing myself with television and discussion boards. And even sleep. Hardly any books lately, I've slowed way down on real reading.

Well, there you go. Happy freaking Monday.

Look what I found!

Great Old-school stuff! This is so cool.

Saved by the Bell. You know you love it.

Classic Nickelodeon info--some of my favorites, back in the day, were You Can't Do That on Television, Double Dare, Hey Dude, Finders Keepers, Salute your shorts, and sometimes Clarissa Explains it All.

80s t-shirts--from TV, movies, and more

TV Shows out on DVD--Go find your old faves. The other day I saw that Popular is being released in September, and I was ridiculously excited. As thrilled as winning the lottery (well, a small one).

Lethargy of the Mind and Body

That is my self-diagnosis. Sigh.

Friday night I was invited to, and attended, a birthday celebration on a Capital Hill rooftop terrace. It was a gorgeous, though chilly, setting, and I thought I'd be able to conquer my anti-social demons and for once have a good time. Well, that didn't happen. I chatted with a couple people here and there, and everyone was perfectly friendly, but still, I just kind of stood there, eating chips or crackers, unsure of what exactly to do. See, these people are ones I used to work with, and while I like them and all, I apparently don't have anything in common with them. Most of them are friends outside of work, so maybe that's why it's difficult for an 'outsider.' I don't know what the deal is, but I guess I should just learn the lesson.

See, the way I used to be, if I was in a situation like that, where no one was talking to me and I wasn't talking to anyone either, I would be all upset and crying and angry that no one liked me. Thankfully, I have grown out of that, at long last. It doesn't upset me, but I can realize rationally that I am not fitting in, regardless of whose fault it is, and understand that it really is my fault for being too shy and insecure to join a group of people that I find intimidating or just who don't necessarily strike me as kindred spirits.

Saturday morning I was really late to the volunteering at Discovery Park. Fortunately I only missed the introductory stuff, and arrived in time to get in a van. Our Seattle Works group, along with a big group of Boeing volunteers, went to the beach for a clean-up. It was a gorgeous day, sunny and breezy. That beach is the westernmost point of Seattle, and the lighthouse is an original from the 19th century. We were only out there for a couple hours, and for the most part the trash was little bits of styrofoam or plastic, not whole cups or basketballs or whatnot. Though I do believe several tires were found. Anyway, it was neat to wander the beach, inspecting the piles of driftwood for odd colors and textures. I found an intact MAC eyeshadow compact, a pen, and several earplugs, among other things.

Saturday evening I joined the gang in an outing to Bush Gardens, which I hadn't been to since the night of the brawl. I figured it would be a good opportunity to see folks I had been to hermetic to visit lately, and make up for my lack of social skills exhibited the night before. Well. It was nice to see people, but I was a disaster. I just kind of sat there and stared at the wall. My back was to the people singing, so I just kind of spaced out. Happily, two other people indulged my lethargy and we played hangman for most of the night. What a pathetic bore I am! The others seemed to be having a great time, and I was very glad for them. I felt bad that I was a downer in their midst and so I just tried to stay quiet and out of their way.

This morning I awoke after a tiny six hours of sleep to do the launch weekend workout. Again, I just felt blah and my knee was hurting. I winced and faked my way through the twenty minutes of combat, trying not to cry, and so during the break, just went home. I can't get up the energy for anything or anyone lately. I'm not sure what is wrong with me, although the fact that I haven't been eating very much real food is probably partly to blame. But my head is just out of it. I don't think it can be classified as depression, because last week when I was temping, I felt pretty normal. I'm figuring that this lack of routine and not knowing where I'll be or what I'll be doing in two months is just building up in my head, somewhere like a basement, where I don't have to see it all the time but I know it's there, building and building, and eventually it will overflow into...the other rooms of my head. Whatever. But I haven't felt "happy" in quite awhile. Not that I know what "feeling happy" is like, but I know that I haven't been there lately.

I suck.

It's Friday!

Oh my goodness. I am SO sleepy. The Apprentice was on past my bedtime, but of course I had to watch it. It turns out I was rooting for Kwame, so I was disappointed in Bill's win. However, both of them were great sports about it, very professional and mature (which we totally hadn't seen with the women contestants, sadly). Good form.

My temp assignment ended today. Can't say I was sad about it, but it was nice to have a "routine," even if it was short-term and involved a 7:00 alarm. My papercuts and scratches should heal shortly.

Yesterday I was sent home at lunch because there wasn't enough stuff for me to work with. So I sat on my ass and watched tapes of tv from the week. Made it to the workout, in which I was sleepy and blah. Until, of course, the triceps track. Then, my friends, it was ON. Me and my triceps, we are a fabulous team. I love them and they love me. My arms are impressive, people. Y'all know that I am the lamest person in the world when it comes to self-confidence and esteem, but I have come to really appreciate my nice ass and my nice arms. Good thing, too, because in the latest batch of pictures I have, my lazy eyelid is in top form. And actually, that eye was twitching last night. Hmm.

At one point in a dream last night, I was bitching at someone (in response to their bitching at me), and I was speaking in an accent. I knew I was using an accent, and that it was kind of obnoxious to keep doing it, but I just couldn't stop. Fun. Hurrah for accents.

Tomorrow is National Youth Service Day! What are you doing to help make the world a better place?

I'm sure I had other things to say, but I am exhausted. 'Night.

Observations of The World Around Us

Motto on a church sign: Win, Build, Send

Subject line on spam email touting eBay: make a fortune while sitting on your butt

Food for Thought

I want everyone who reads this to ask me 3 questions, no more no less (please). Ask me anything you want. Then I want you to go to your journal, copy and paste this allowing your friends (including myself) to ask you anything. (Although, since I don't have livejournal like the others, I'd have to get things in an email, and then copy and paste into here. That's kind of a downer.)

This is taken from Raegan's site. Because I am a whore for material, here are my questions as well as the questions that people have already asked in response to this prompt. Think about your own answers, and stay tuned for my answers! Fun! Interactive internet!

Here are the questions I posted to Rae:
--Looking back on your life, what is your proudest moment thus far?
--Who are your three favorite comedians? (it's easier if you've been watching Comedy Central lately!)
--This one is sort of cheating, because i'm stealing it. apparently it's from The Purpose-Driven Life. "To see what is really important in your life, answer the following question 5 times. 'IT'S JUST LIKE ME TO BE...'"

inertiam
April 14th, 2004 - 07:26 pm (Link)
Of all the things you typically fail to notice, what would you have it that you noticed more often?
How many pairs of shoes do you own?
In your estimation, what do you think your best qualities are?

nektar
2004-04-14 11:04 (link)
! What was the last thing you ate?
@ Are you going back to school soon or what, dammit?
# If you were to live in another country for a month, leaving right now, where would you go?

Once Again, I'll Play Nice
i_dread
2004-04-14 11:23 (link)
1. Are all your socks black?
2. What is your greatest fear?
3. What brings you joy?

occhiaperti
2004-04-14 11:28 (link)
what is the worst thing you've ever heard?
what do you consider to be extremely funny?
what is the meaning of life (according to you)?


desdemonhu
2004-04-14 11:53 (link)
-What is your quest?
-What is your favorite color?
-What is the air speed-velocity of an unladden swallow (african)? Or, if you don't want to answer that one, what did you think of high school?

rustedlemon
2004-04-14 14:20 (link)
1) If you had to give up all of your passions for one, what would it be?
2) Pick your favorite day of the week. Why is that your favorite day?
3) If there was one thing you could change in the people and the world around you, what would it be?

Cosmic Justice?

Scorpio (Oct. 23–Nov. 21)
For the week of April 7-13:
Stage a jailbreak. The astrological soil is just wet enough to allow a spoon-dug tunnel beneath the razor-wire-topped outer walls and attack hounds of your internal prison, but not so moist and muddy that it’ll collapse and bury you utterly. Don’t hesitate, Scorp. True, you’ve been “inside” so long that the outside world may seem really big and scary. You might be worried that you no longer have enough resilience or flexibility to be effective out there. Forget that ludicrousness. If I were you, the only thing that’d concern me is getting out before the guard tower spotlight sweeps by again.

from the Seattle Weekly


Well, I know I have been watching too much television, because last night in a dream, the people from Law & Order: SVU were investigating something with Donald Trump. Who's planning on being glued to the television for three full hours on Thursday? That's right, I am! How's that for an internal prison?

Happily, I did get a break: I was assigned a temp job, at the new Bellevue branch of my old mortgage company. Today was my second day, I will go back tomorrow, and possibly Friday. The work is pretty dull, but money is a pretty motivating factor for me at the moment. And it's miles better than scoring tests on a computer.

My life is boring. And since it was cosmically ordained, I don't have to feel so bad about it. Heh. So now I have reasons to get out of bed in the morning and will have a paycheck to show for it.

Wait just a goddamn minute. Scooby Doo 2 is the number one movie in America? Oh my good lord. There are no words for my disbelief and disgust, etc.

Lazy Days of Sunny Spring

Yesterday was the most lame of the lame days this week. I sat around, on my ass, some more. Was talking to Rae about going out, and I couldn't even muster the drive to pick a place and get my lazy ass out the freaking door.

This morning was fun (happy Easter, all you Christian-types) because, under a gorgeous clear blue sky and the perfect view of Mount Rainier, we had an Easter egg hunt! Now, please feel free to call me silly and immature and all that, but how can you not love egg hunts? It didn't last very long, and we couldn't find six of them, but still, good, old-fashioned fun.

After I got home, I decided to go for a drive (something I'd contemplated doing on Friday, but was too damn lazy). Opened my atlas and figured Leavenworth might be a fun try. So up I drove, 405 to 522 to 2. When it had been about an hour, and the sign proclaiming Leavenworth to be another 73 miles, I decided that I was too bored, sleepy and almost numb in the butt to finish. Happily, soon after, there was a sign for a state park. Thus I turned off and entered Wallace Falls State Park. Someday I'll have to go back there whilst prepared to actually see the falls. As it was, I 'trekked' a trail that went along the rushing stream which presumably the Falls, uh, falls into. Can I just say that crystal-clear water streaming over boulders is one of the most delightful things on this earth? The sky was still clear and blue, the trees were very green, the sun was shining through the canopy.

The drive up, in parts, reminded me very strongly of driving around New Hampshire. Do you guys remember when we decided to explore some of the roads near New London (I think?) and found the park? It was just like that. And being in the forest was similar to the Olympic National Forest; everything was coated in moss. I think that's why the "moss grows on the north side" adage always confused me; around here, if there's moss on something, it's covering it.

From the park I toured south on 203, through Duvall and Carnation. Made a quick stop at Small Fryes, of course, to get some big seasoned fries and a yummy milkshake. Tasty.

New Alias tonight!!

BORING, and LAZY

Today was even more boring than the rest of the week. I did make some important phone calls, and sat in the sun reading, but other than that I sat on my ass. My knee bothered me last night and today, so I didn't even work out. Gosh, I suck.

A Day in the Life of an Unemployed Twentysomething

These are the productive things I did today, in order of chronology, not importance:
*slept almost twelve hours.
*took a half-hour walk around the neighborhood
*cruised around online job classifieds and emailed some resumes
*called in a claim to my insurance to take care of the repairs...so I'll only be out the $500 deductible and an increased premium for the next three years (I had an extra discount because of my clean driving record. Dammit.)
*went to both workouts, although I pretty much faked kickboxing.

The rest of the day was lame-o. Not really sure what I did actually, other than those things above. I did get to catch up with Jeopardy (my friend, not the show. duh). Oh, and of course I watched the Apprentice. Omarosa is a pathologically-lying weirdo, Katrina sucks, and I can't decide to root for Kwame or Bill.

Lalala. I am bored and boring. Tralala. BORING!!!

Haha, okay, I admit it, I am an idiot! Stop kicking me, I'm already down! Universe, stop it!

My car will cost over $1500 to fix, so I'm going to have to get the insurance company involved. Is there a statute of limitations to report accidents stemming from acts of God? I really hope not, because otherwise I am screwed even more than I thought.

Didn't get the restaurant gig that I thought was a sure thing. So yeah, I gave up two weeks of good pay because I was too confident. Just goes to show what happens when you get cocky with your hooks and ponds. No more philosophical rambling about destiny and things always working out. I have a tiny hope that I may still be able to get the two-week gig, or the new temp agency I signed up with might find something.

See, it's not that I'm hurting for money, per se, at least for now. I have two paychecks (albeit small ones) coming from the stupid "job," and that will cover my bills and such for the next month or so. My worry is the saving of money. Having no income and living in New York City scares me to pieces. I feel like time is running out, if I'm to leave in the beginning of June or even late May. (See, if I decide to not do the teaching thing, I still would like to go out east and work at TrailBlazers for the summer.) I have less than two months to get/earn/save as much money as possible. The 2nd job, though a fabulous idea in theory, is pretty unappealing and I think I will abandon it for now. I don't like being deceitful to (potential) employers; it's not lying if I never say that I will stay there for a certain period of time, but it's not telling the whole truth. Y'all know I'm too much of an honest weirdo to be comfortable with that.

It doesn't help that I am in a strange limbo frame of mind. I don't think it qualifies as depressed, or even bored to tears yet. As much as I'm enjoying the freedom of not having to get up and go to a job everyday, it is boring and I am awfully unproductive.

Chance is always powerful. Let your hook be always cast; in the pool where you least expect it, there will be a fish. -- Ovid (taken from Random Acts of Journaling)

In reading other people's blogs, mine suddenly feels awfully cold and listlike. Like a glorified dayplanner rather than a Journal. See, I get all shy about letting that stuff out in the "open," even though I know there's no one really out there. You know? So from hereon I pledge to write more introspectively.

Well, anyway, I came across that quotation and it is a perfect summation for my outlook on life. Well, one of them, anyhow. Even though I freak out about everything, overanalyze things and have too many breakdowns, I have to think that there is a reason for everything that happens. My life, and I presume other people's, is what it is because of a series of chance-like events. I took a huge leap by quitting my job, and things have really worked out amazingly so far. They always do; something will always come along. There are always fish.

One of the tools that AmeriCorps gave us was lots of opportunity to think about "Life After AmeriCorps." There was a booklet called "Next Steps" which detailed resume information and exercises to refine what skills you had and what skills you wanted to use, what kind of work you were looking for, and ways to start accomplishing those. It was fascinating and difficult. Here is what I wrote about "Values, Skills, Interests and Personal Considerations," regarding my ideal job, back in the latter half of 2002. There was a more specific prompt, something along the lines of, what kind of job do you want? what skills will you bring to the job? what are the requirements for the kind of job you want?

"I want a job where I can make a difference, where I can work in a variety of projects, both alone and cooperatively, where I can travel and meet new people, where I can be a leader and speak to audiences about exciting (to me) topics.
"I will bring to this job flexibility, an authentic and responsible manner, organization, trustworthiness and dedication; creativity, leadership/educating skills, and editing skills; a passion for public speaking, travel, and cultural appreciation.
"I love being able to speak in front of audiences, travel to new places and meet people. I am an Enterprising Social Holland type, one who likes to lead and work with people.
"I would love to relocate to a new community (but it's not a requirement), earn at least $23,000, and have adequate medical/dental/vision coverage."

Now, here is the list I made of qualities I wanted in a job for the immediate future, rather than the idealistic stuff above. I (grossly exaggerated) calculated that I would have $1800 in expenses per month, and so would need a salary of around $24,000. Ah, to be young and silly.

"Sustainable income--to support housing, food, car, entertainment
Don't need much professional experience
Can accommodate school
Fulfilling
Not boring"

Quite the opposite set of criteria, eh? Two years ago, I knew that I had lofty goals but was willing to forgo them for the time being, just to get on my feet. I pretty much accomplished that one, and now I will pursue my real life goals. It's pretty amazing that the teaching fellowship and the team leadership both fit well into that goal statement (and will pay better!). That I've stuck to my guns, so to speak, and, in essence, followed a dream. I hope it's a good idea.

Cake does a body good, y'all. It would do you good to remember that.

So I'm here. The moving is done, but I need to still unpack boxes here and clean there.

On the job front: I've had a couple interviews at a restaurant in Southcenter, the final one is tomorrow. The temp agency found me a two week assignment, but I chose to forgo it for the restaurant training (my rationale was that lower pay for a longer period of time was better than higher pay for two weeks. I hope I did the right thing.). I just signed up with a second agency and will talk to them tomorrow. My poorly-aligned car will be looked at tomorrow, too. My hope for the future is to find temp jobs and work at the restaurant on evenings and weekends. Money, money, money!

I HATE MOVING.

I've got the bulk of the stuff out, all the boxes and clothes...now it's just the computer/tv/stereo, the food in the fridge, and all the random crap spread all over the place. Rrrr. And that's just the getting everything out of here, I can't even think about organizing everything in my new room.

It is a gorgeous day today, it's definitely spring. Lovely warm sunshine.

I did the double workouts on Tuesday and Thursday, and I have not been sore from either, which is kind of shocking. Next week I'll have to increase my weights. That will make me sore for sure.

Adieu from my apartment! And adieu to my apartment!

Guess what. Tomorrow will be my last day at that stupid "job." I decided that one full week was far too much for me as it is, and I shan't put up with it anymore. So there. Strangely, it's gotten better...I just have devised ways to keep myself occupied. I play with my hair or braid it, doodle in my Care Bears notebook, practice writing with the wrong hand (print and cursive), go over the times tables (I spent a good part of yesterday afternoon putting those together--all the way to 20!), write notes of things to do, future plans, etc, or stretch. It's pretty silly, if you think about it. I still am "meeting the numbers," and my accuracy levels are up. But geez, what a stupid job. Seriously, filing all day, raking all day, ANYthing is better and more interesting than this. Ugh.

By the way, here are the variations of spellings of the word "tardy" that I have read so far: tardie (that's the most popular one, even more than 'tardy'; I almost forget that it's wrong), trady, trade, tarded, tartie, tarty (that one makes me giggle), tarte, tradie, tard, tardi. Don't get me started on the misspellings of words like "silent" and "detention" etc. Please, friends, teach your children to spell properly. I beg you!

This weekend (oh god, why wasn't today Friday?), I shall move. Saturday will hopefully be the bulk of it. Sunday I will clean and organize. Monday I shall go look for work! I'll start with the restaurants. Sigh, what a chore. I will sound like a brat here, but I don't WANNA get a second job! I don't WANNA go back to the food service industry! Don't wanna, don't wanna! WAAH!

Ahem. I'll return to my 'grown-up' voice now.

Sunday was a good day. I spent the afternoon volunteering at Operation Sack Lunch as the first project of the new team with SeattleWorks. Met some great people and had a lot of fun. A mellow evening was then spent with friends.

Part of today was great--it was absolutely gorgeous and hot outside today. It felt like we were on the East Coast. Mm.

The rest of the day, not so great. Was awfully sleepy when the stupid alarm went off. Then, in the car, I called AmeriCorps, wherein I was informed that I wouldn't hear a decision until after May 15. So, on with Plan B; ie, continuing with the teaching program. New York, here I come! Good lord.

"Work" was incredibly boring. I braided my hair to distract myself all morning, and then in the afternoon doodled on notepaper (while "reading" the essays). Came home to the enrollment information from NYTF. Realized just how far behind I am already, financially I mean, and how royally screwed I am now and will continue to be if A)I go to New York, and B) can't get a decent temp job and/or second job until then. So I had a breakdown, right in time for the workout tonight. Because I want out of that "job" I'm doing now. Even going back to my old job, or any job, at the mortgage company would be better than this. It SUCKS. And I'm coming to hate seventh-graders. Even more than I already did, based on my own (mildly life-scarring) experiences. I am honestly becoming desperate for money, though, so I'm kind of stuck for now. Shit.

Oy.
Yesterday was supremely boring. All afternoon, hunched at a computer with no music or distractions, which means I was very distractED. It will be interesting to see how long I will be able to put up with this "job."

Also yesterday, I found out that I was accepted to the NY Teaching Fellowship. I was ACCEPTED! To teach. In New York. Oh my god!! I was completely and utterly flabbergasted; there's no way I expected to get it. Holy cow. If I do this, it's in JUNE. That's two teeny weeny months from now.

I only say "if" because of my pending AmeriCorps application. If I get the NCCC job, then I (am pretty sure that I) will go with that over the teaching. Either would be a huge change and an incredible challenge. Both are unreal. Things like this don't happen to me! I appear to be on the verge of realizing my dreams! Or at least finding a real direction to focus on.

Today I got a bunch of stuff moved out; the apartment is half empty. The couch, table and rocking chair, the bookcase, most of the books, most of the crap in the closet--all gone to be stored in the barn. A box of clothes to be donated, one and a half boxes of books sold. Next Saturday I will complete the move. Wish me luck.

Today was pretty good. Oh, by the way, the big traffic on 167 goes the other way than I do. Woo!
Anyway, so I aced the qualifying scoring tests so far, and in the very long downtime, I did some sketches and writing. Good times. Plus, they let us out at 4 instead of 5. I stopped by my old workplace because Stacey said there were more boxes to be had. I got stopped while I was there, and chatted with a bunch of former colleagues. It was nice to see them again, but weird to be in the office again.

Since I didn't work out on Monday or Tuesday, I did the double workout again tonight. It went very well, considering. I was still all red and worn out, but not nearly to the degree that I was last week. Hurrah!

And now it's almost the weekend. It's been an easy week for me, but who doesn't love a Friday?

So Monday was fun. Spent the afternoon playing games and watching tv with friends. Tuesday evening went to a new TeamWorks meeting (at Seattle Works), and then on the spur of the moment called up Dez and we had a nice dinner in Fremont.
Today was the first day of training for this test job. Parts were really boring and I got pretty antsy, doodling like my life depended on it. We'll see how the next two days go.
This evening I saw my brother's band concert and then got some packing done! Half my bookcase into boxes--six of them. I've got a big pile of boxes to go into "storage" in the barn, and this weekend will get them moved over there, along with the furniture. Hm, wonder if I should empty out the dresser as well? Ah, I hate moving.

Well, I'm not in as much despair as last time, but that's only because I have forced those thoughts far down in my mind, so that I can function for the next few weeks.

This morning I began to tackle the moving question. Eliminated some books from my extensive collection, and have finished going through all the boxes that were in my huge closet. I tossed lots of stuff and the rest of it I compiled in neater and smaller boxes. Hurrah.

Among other interesting things, I found a little book I once made, called "My Book, by Julie". Let's read it, shall we?
"'Birds.' To have a bird, you must have the proper equipment. You will/
"need a cage with air lines, a food dish, a water dish, food, water, and the bird.
Fill the food bowl with food and water in the water dish./
"Then set a few treats on the bottom of the cage."

Boy, I was awfully smart. And literal. If I remember correctly, the rest of the pages in this little book were meant to be guides for having other pets, like dogs, cats, or fish. I was entrepreneurial, if a little lacking in follow-through.

Sigh. The day is moving quickly (as it tends to do when one gets up at 11.30), and I'm proud to say that so far I've been productive. I have a large box filled with mostly clothes to give away, and a full box of books to sell (any extra cash is good). However, I'm tired and bored now. The rest of the packing is stuff that I actually use, and will require dismantling of my room or other rooms. I'll acquire some good boxes and then keep moving forward.

What in the world am I doing?
Oh god. I hate being unsure of what is going to happen to me, this entire "transition period" when my whole life is in limbo. I am now preparing myself to be moved out of my apartment in the next ten days. I'm just now getting the mental, but really soon it's gonna get physical: I have to pack up half a kitchen, an entire bathroom, all my furniture, clothes, books, computer desk, plus all the random crap that I have that just takes up space. I hate moving. Really. Especially when I move home, because I know that I will, hopefully sooner rather than later, just be moving OUT again. I hate moving.

I thought, hoped that all this juvenile stuff was over--that I would be a grownup finally, with a real job, a place to call my own, a reasonable social life. But I've just been playing at it, I'm twenty-four years old and I feel like a teenager. How can I be successful if I don't have any clear idea what I'm trying to do? If I have no money? If I get stuck working temp jobs or have to go back to food service just to pay the bills? Is this whole thing just ridiculous? What the fuck do I think I'm trying to pull off here?

There's so many possibilities, ways things could happen, it's too much to think about. Everything hinges on something else happening or not happening. It's hard to look for jobs if you think you may be leaving the state in as little as two months. Or what if I change my mind, in terms of which option I like? What if I get something that maybe I don't really want? Do I just take it and be grateful? What if I don't get any of the jobs or opportunities that I want? What if there's nothing out there for me at all? What if I do this for the rest of my lame little life? When do I know to give up? How long do I leech off the parental residence? Will I spend the rest of time in a mindless excuse for a job? Should I go back to the mortgage industry, where I like some of my coworkers but end up in tears every once in awhile at the prospect of a normal Monday morning? Why in the world am I doing this? There's no way I can be successful at real life, in the real world.

Welcome to my dark side, friends.

So. That headache on Thursday? Really kicked my ass. When I got in bed to read, my poor head just throbbed and my very eyeballs hurt. Also, I got some weird nausea. I had to lay down at 10.15, because I could hardly move. Ugh.

Friday, I did almost nothing productive. I was afraid of this, it was the only day this week that I had nothing planned, and I worried (well, predicted) that I would be incredibly lazy and do nothing. Harrumph. I tidied my room a wee bit (got all the clothes off the floor--it's a start), and messed around with my new Print Shop. Watched a Scottish film that Netflix promised would be heartwarming, and was completely the opposite. Only remembered about Bodyflow at 5.30, and for some insane reason, though I still felt completely shit, attended class. It was interesting how every pose and movement was affected by my bodyful of sore muscles. Mm, at least I know I'm using them, I hate when I wither.

My compromise for having nothing on Friday was to volunteer on Saturday. No problem, right? Well. Let me just tell you. I turned off my light at 11.40. At 12.30 I was wide freaking awake. Y'all know me, and you know how I can't STAND when anything gets in the way of sleeping. The worst is when it's just me, my head or whatever, and I can't freaking sleep. Rrr.

So the day today was actually really good. The weather was supremely gorgeous, it was sunny and WARM--like 65 or something. (And it's March, people.) Lovely lovely. The whole day I was involved with mulch. For the morning I switched off with another volunteer, shoveling the mulch into the wheelbarrow, and raking the mulch around the selected area. It was shady, pleasant, not grueling or really difficult. However, the afternoon kicked my ass. We worked in the direct sun, grading some dirt. This required using a tool to loosen the packed earth; I used a pickax. Swinging a pickax isn't too complicated or difficult, but it certainly is tiring. With sore biceps to begin with, whew, what a chore. In a good way, though, like proving to myself I could still have some strength and endurance. Sort of...I kept having to break and rest. Eventually I gave the pickax away and used a rake. Then shoveled a little more, then at the very end of the day I hammered nails out of discarded lumber. All in all a successful day but I was very worn out.
My fingernails and toenails are sensitive to the touch. My legs, from the knees down, ache like nobody's business. I've still got that headache (I'm beginning to think it's the iron pills I just started taking), and my face got a tinge of sunburn. Phew.

Good night, Moon.

So as some of you may know, one of my favorite goofy pastimes is coming up with alternative meanings to acronyms. Here is an actual transcript of an excellent acronym fest (I am the one called Susiejulie). Enjoy!

dmwl1138: What's IFP stand for again? Independant Film Partners?
Serenity7911: independent film project, i believe
dmwl1138: or Patrol
Susiejulie: icky foam police
Susiejulie: igloo frostbite prevention
dmwl1138: Irish Fascist Population
Susiejulie: indecent flocking penguins
dmwl1138: Incense For Phil
dmwl1138: Invalids For Perot
Susiejulie: imagining fetid popsicles
dmwl1138: Incorrigible Fetal Puppies?
Susiejulie: intense fraction properties
dmwl1138: Indians From Pluto
BullTwelf: I'm fucking poor!
BullTwelf: Imbiciles Feeling Pampered
dmwl1138: Idiot French Pioneers
BullTwelf: Idiots fighting politeness
BullTwelf: Italian Friendly Policemen
Susiejulie: italian fire pollution
dmwl1138: Ill Funk Preppies
BullTwelf: Imitating Friends Plurals
Susiejulie: idaho flunking production
Serenity7911: irish fighting porn
BullTwelf: Indonesian Filing Papers
Serenity7911: international f*** police
BullTwelf: Ignomnious Firing Platoon
BullTwelf: illicit frivolous parties
Susiejulie: imaginary floo powder!
dmwl1138: Icky Female Parrot?
BullTwelf: Irritating Flatulence Prevention

Did everyone have a fun and safe Saint Patrick's Day? If you are looking to imbibe lots of alcohol, do what we did: watched The Boondock Saints (excellent film) and took a drink every time someone said the F-word or there was a cross on the screen. Wow, lots of drinking ensued.

My only thing today was a public meeting about AmeriCorps that wasn't quite interesting. It was too "technical" for little old civilian me; it was talk about grants and how they should be awarded, and to whom, and for how long, etc. I did enjoy hearing from the local community leaders about the impact of AmeriCorps members. There were representatives from a Whatcom County Fisheries place, Starbucks grantmaker, King County government, among others. (Did you know that King County is the 12th largest in the nation? I think that is fascinating and excellent.) People from organizations in Alaska and Montana also spoke, before I decided to leave.

This evening, I challenged myself to two back-to-back workouts. I really worked hard at Bodypump (weight-lifting) on Tuesday, and my poor biceps still hurt, so doing most of the same motions was pretty difficult (especially the squats and of course the bicep work). Then I stayed and did the Bodycombat (kickboxing) workout, which I last did in June 2003. (I'd been doing it regularly and enjoyed it, but June is when my knees went out, so I had to quit everything for the whole summer. That was a bummer. It did get me walking on my lunch breaks, which was wonderful.) Anyway, so I decided to try it out tonight and see if I held up. Well. It went better than I'd thought, sort of. The movements came right back to me, all the punches and kicks. Some of it was still really uncomfortable for one or the other knee. Because I work out but don't do endurance training, my face got bright red and my head hurt. Other than that, it was pretty fun!

Lessons in Being Poor, #1: Making Priorities. I appear to be failing this one. For most of February, I did well on cutting down extra expenses. I bought fewer things at the grocery store, especially the impulse/luxury items. I still went out to bars with people, but I refrained from ordering any drinks (healthy and cheap!). I didn't have the weekly massages at work. But then. I quit my job and I got in my head to spend an entire week in New York City. Ate all kinds of junk food, went shopping (only a tiny bit, hardly bought anything), went out to restaurants and bars. I came home and seem to have been leaking money. I went to Costco the other day and I bought a pair of jeans (Calvin Klein for $19, can you really blame me?), not to mention a fifty-dollar computer program (a new Print Shop with all kinds of goodies, that I'd been eyeing for awhile). Ay carumba, what possessed me? Do note that I haven't ruled out returning the blasted thing, though. Anyway, I'm totally scrimping, carrying a balance on my credit cards (which I only started doing two months ago, but I HATE it), and so I guess that's how I justify buying or spending on occasional unnecessary "fun" things.

Some great lines from the past twenty-four hours:

"SpongeVladimir SquarePutin"
from the Daily Show

"We have ways of making you pronounce your 'o's!"
from Canadian Bacon

"Of course we watched a little Anna Nicole Smith, and that made me want to blow up the world to spare us from our own stupidity"
from Strange Fruit (see links)

Yo.

My trip to the temp agency went fairly well...I kicked ass on the typing and data entry tests. 66wpm with no errors, and only two errors on the numeric/alphanumerics. Woo, me!

Today I went for an interview, from a thing I found in the paper, and it was one of those things that as you're "interviewing," the person is telling you where to go for training. Not offering a position, but just saying, okay, show up. Those kind of bewilder me, it's never actually said, "here, take the job," because what if I didn't want it? Or was just killing time? Anyway, so I guess I have a job now. It starts next week and only goes for six weeks. It's for a test-scoring center by the SuperMall. Surprisingly, it took only twenty minutes or so to get there from my house, albeit with no serious traffic to speak of. The shift starts at 8 and ends at 4.30, so I may begin griping and whining about traffic all of a sudden.
See? Something always does come along. Phew. Here's to hoping that I can catch up on all my nasty bills.

I went for a walk around my "neighborhood" this afternoon. It was very pleasant, blue-ish skies and crisp but not quite chilly. Now I shall watch a movie and then read or something. Tomorrow I will finish my taxes and file them, and pray that the refund arrives quickly. Look at me being all productive in my days of unemployment.

Home now. Woke up at a very respectable 9.45 (especially considering my flight was a red eye and I went to sleep after 2.00am).

Will head to the temp agency this afternoon. That has just become more urgent for me, because I found out that the paycheck I thought was coming today isn't actually coming at all. I may get a (tiny) bonus at the end of the month, but for now I am stuck. I have money in savings, just enough to scrimp by in April...but now I will have to use some to pay the rest of my March bills. Oh, crap, this is really going to suck. Welcome to Poorville, population Julie.

Please take a few minutes and click over there on "Pass the Fire." They are stories and pictures from former AmeriCorps*NCCC (duh, the program I did in 2002!), and they are wonderful. I read them all last night and it made me feel nostalgic and proud. Also, some of the people pictured were from my campus, so it's fun to see them. For all of you who knew me before and after my experience, perhaps reading these anecdotes can help you understand my own term of service, how really life-changing it was. Okay, I'm done preaching now. :p

Keep me in your thoughts, folks, help the money gods find me!

Last full day in New York (I leave tomorrow night).

I have visited several museums in the last few days: the Met, the International Center of Photography, and the Museum of the City of New York. I am still sleeping a lot, which is heavenly. Haven't done anything else productive except eat. Mm, food. I haven't had lunch yet.

Am forcing myself to think about the upcoming week, and what on earth I shall do with myself. Shall I stay on vacation for a couple more days, or throw myself right away into that pleasurable pastime known as job hunting? I'll probably sleep in on Monday and then go into the temp agency to get set up with everything. Must update my resume and start scouring the online ads once again. Fun.

I hope my interview went well. I also hope that I know much sooner rather than later how the whole thing turned out. If I didn't get it, I want to turn straightaway to other plans. Whatever they may be, this week.

Hey all, greetings from the Big Apple!

I flew in late Sunday night/early Monday. I stayed up and wandered around...fighting to stay awake. Visited Rockefeller Center and all that jazz. I wanted to ice skate but it was raining and expensive. Also checked out Lincoln Center and the Operas.

Tuesday I slept all freaking day, sort of. I took a lovely, huge nap only an hour after waking up, and finally got up at 2.30. Got ready for my interview and took off, I didn't even get lost finding the site! The interview itself went okay. My group was only seven people, so we got through everything fairly quickly. I was scheduled last on both the teaching lesson and the personal interview. I think they went fine. It's always hard for me to tell, but I don't think more preparation would have made it any better (not like I prepared a whole bunch anyway). I was out of there by 9.00, which wasn't too bad, considering. I had an hour and a half to read in the hallway, which was a nice break.

This morning I took another nap and got up at twelve. My goal today was the Metropolitan Museum of Art. I wandered around there for a few hours, got some lunch there (2.25 for a bag of chips!), and got some nice postcards. Found yet another block toy thing to add to my collection...ooh, this will be the first American one, I think.

Not sure what my plans are for the rest of the week, that is to say, I suppose I don't have any. Hmm. I shall keep pretending that I'm going to see a show, perhaps visit a few more museums, hopefully find a place and time to ice skate. Can you believe I've never once been ice skating? Ay, it's true.

Every once in a while I try to speak French...it just seems natural in certain situations, namely being in a big art museum and fighting to get in or out of the subway. Ah, Paris. Er, New York.

Here is another spam excerpt. This one really makes no sense but is pretty entertaining.

2. The duck is used for instrument approach and landing. Because of the fact that any sensible duck will refuse to fly under instrument conditions, it is only necessary to hurl your duck out of the plane and follow it to the ground. There are some limitations to the Cat and Duck Method, but by rigidly adhering to the following checklist, a degree of success will be achieved which will surely startle you, your passengers, and even an occasional tower operator. tone warned him. He spun round. Even as he clapped his hand to his pocket

Tonight I fly out to New York! I really hope I get some sleep on the plane, because the last time I couldn't and thus felt like a zombie the rest of the day. I'm finalizing my lesson plan ideas, and I will start packing for real soon. Oh my goodness, I'm leaving in twelve hours.

Yesterday was pretty productive; I made it to the bank and the post office, I did laundry, cleaned my bathroom, tidied my room, and I watched an excellent SNL with Colin Firth and Norah Jones. I stayed up nice and late in anticipation of tonight, but could not sleep in. Don't be sad, though, because I actually got up and went to a workout. That's a nice way to start a Sunday. I'm hoping to find a studio to do some yoga or other workouts while I'm away, wouldn't that be fun?

I am now officially unemployed! Hurrah!

So my last day was pretty much like the rest of this week. Except my old team got me a cake and a card that screams and some little gifts, and in our Friday general meeting they called me up to accept another card. It was very sweet. Everyone wished me luck and all that other good stuff. I will miss the office folk, they are nice people and fun.

Well. It's the weekend. I need to prepare for my interview and my trip. I've got a list of errands and other tasks for the next two days: pack, do laundry, go to the post office to mail my other application and transcript requests, clean my nasty moldy bathroom, pick up my room, take some naps, watch my Netflix movies, and that's all I can think of right now.

I went bowling last night and it went pretty well. When I went a few weeks ago, my scores were 45, 54, 65 and 84, or something. Pretty pathetic. Last night I scored 98 (my second highest score ever! after 104), 58 and 78. Not bad, for me.

We just watched the tape of The Apprentice from yesterday. Thank god Omarosa's gone! Altogether it's looking like all the women are going to get eliminated, because most of them are at least partly psycho. I hope the Donald isn't actually sexist, though it honestly would not surprise me.

Happy Friday, all!

Just because I am too lazy to come up with my own "material."

Because spam is so freaking evil and so terribly prevalent, I routinely go through the emails in my bulk folder and hit unsubscribe to all of them that I can. (It does reduce the number of spam emails, for a few weeks, when it starts increasing again.) Have you ever noticed that some spam includes a paragraph of weird words? I assume that they are trying to wiggle under the 'spam keyword' radar. Here is the paragraph from a spam email touting some Viagra knockoff:

bellyfull soak complaisant contagious r befog chalkboard deuteron
orthophosphate stanley cyprus whack montevideo cramer

Are all of those even real words?

Anyway. One more day of work. I am bored and I want some fudge brownies. Nyeh.

And yeah, what she says.

Two days left.

Today was a short work day for me, because I went to the doctor for a complete physical this morning. That's not an activity I would classify as "fun," but it really wasn't too bad. Although they tell you to fast for the morning, and then they draw blood. Does that seem silly to anyone else? Wouldn't everyone pass out or at least feel pretty damn woozy? Anyway.

The rest of my work day felt like, 'let's find something to do, lalala....' Not like there weren't tons of things to do, but to be at the point where I'm rooting around for a task, it feels kind of pathetic. I guess I was getting used to being beyond busy. I feel like a temp again. A knowledgeable temp who knows what to do, but still, a temp. I have become invisible; I'm being phased out while I'm still there. It's a little depressing.

Woo!! But wait, I will get to that in a bit.

I walked into work this morning (the last week!!) and found that I was being moved to the front desk until Friday. I felt kind of insulted, like I was being demoted and punished for daring to leave. But I reminded myself to be reasonable (I just wrote "reasonal" and it took a few seconds to click that it wasn't right, ha) and logical; it doesn't make sense to get me involved with files to fund and such. Things have come full circle--I will end my mortgage career in the same way it began. It was disappointing to leave the team that I've been with (in various incarnations) since last May, but the front desk isn't too bad. It's a lot calmer in one sense, and a lot crazier in another. It's just different. Anyway, today sped by like a monkey (hee), for which I was grateful. I went for a wonderful walk at lunch and that was quite nice, it was pleasant outside and I felt pretty good.

Checking email after I got home, I had a message that I was granted an interview in New York City, for the teaching fellowship, and the email urged me to get it done in the next three weeks. Woo!! So as not to be too rash, I went to the workout, which felt great, and then came home and bought my ticket. I leave this upcoming Sunday, late at night, and will return the next Sunday, also late at night.

So now I am all giddy and high. I get a week to lounge about New York, visit people I don't see often, and just relax. Then I shall come back and find a job, even a silly temporary one. There are options for me for the next few months, I must be calm and let them come to me. Ommm.

Woo! Four days left of work, a weekend to have fun and then another vacation. Whee!

I forgot this bit: we went to a Chinese restaurant on Friday before the bar and the chopsticks came in a paper packet with this written on it (verbatim):
Welcome to Chinese Restaurant.
Please try your Nice Chinese Food with Chopsticks.
the traditional and typical of Chinese glorious history
and culture.
That made me giggle, maybe it will make you giggle too.

Oh! I finally added the rest of the good Paris pictures to my website, click here to find them.

We got through the end of the month madness, mostly intact. My poor tummy was all in a tizzy all day Friday, which made working not so fun or easy. I did get to go home a bit early and spent the evening resting and reading.

So, Friday night. I ended up joining the outgoing for karaoke with most of the old Alpha gang; it was fun to have so many of us in one place again. Unfortunately, there was a brawl and some of the guys were caught in it and got hurt. It was scary, all loud and scuffly and violent. Eventually everyone was okay again, which is all that matters, but phew, what a crazy evening it ended up being.

Today was a good lazy day. I slept til noon and watched tv all day, did nothing productive. No, wait, I lied, I WAS productive, briefly. I worked on my application essays, submitted the teaching one and prepared as much of the other one as possible. (My silly printer kept me from printing the necessary documents.) That was a bit of a relief, and although, truth be told, I feel like there's no way I'll get an offer on either of these positions, at this point I need to just apply anyway. I also spent some time going through my photo boxes and picking out some pretty pictures to add to the living room gallery.

I love having a weekend. Not to sound like too much of a lazy sack of crap, but I'm looking forward to having an extended "weekend" after this week. I know I will get bored and lonely soon enough with nothing to do and nowhere to go, but for now it sounds divine.

Blech, my tummy hurts. It hurt yesterday, too. Today was alright, but I had a headache emanating from my eyeballs. The end of this job is so near, and yet so very far. I can't wait to never think about loan files ever again! However, since my leaving was announced, lots of people have given me pep talks of sorts. It's nice. It helps to remind me that I AM doing the right thing, I'm not just being selfish and lazy.

Wait, it's Wednesday? I am all disoriented. I have got some work done on my essays, but I haven't done anything with them today. At the beginning of last week, I told myself that I wanted to have them finished by Monday. As in, three days ago. Oops. I suppose I'll settle for trying to finish them this weekend. And of course, with all things written, there is no "finished," it's just a matter of deciding it's fine and stop worrying about it already. I like that part, being done with it and knowing that it's been submitted or what have you. For being such a lazy, slobby bum, I enjoy ticking things off of lists, the "thrill" of a completed task. I don't balk at procrastinating when it comes to cleaning the bathroom, though, I do have my standards. Mostly they are reading and sleeping and some tv watching.

Today was a pretty good day, for a Monday, especially the Monday beginning the last week of the month (which is always insane in the mortgage industry). In a team meeting this morning, I announced that I'm leaving. They were all shocked, and then my boss, among others, said some very nice things about me, which felt good. :) As far as work went, I felt fairly productive, because I finished one pile and there was only one (gigantor) pile that I ignored. Woohoo. And I brought some files home tonight so that I can rack up more overtime.

In other news, I worked on my application essays last night, while Johnny Depp answered stupid questions asked by James Lipton and his audience. We stole the "free" newspaper that hangs around our hallway, so there are classifieds to look through. So I'm making some progress, slow but sure. The more I think about it, I am loving the road trip idea for later this spring...we'll see what happens. Maybe talking about it will help me follow through better, because I talk a big game sometimes and don't have much to show for it.

I started reading a book called "The Good People of New York" today and I really like it. I have also been getting to know the new Norah Jones album and I like that too.

I'm trying to be positive. Is it working?

Crap, I've got to run to Bodyflow. See ya.

Good afternoon! It's definitely nearing springtime here in the Pacific Northwest, yesterday and today have been sunny, breezy days. I just got back from a two-hour walk around lovely Renton. I went into the new Sam's Club for the first time, it really is just a small Costco made from Wal-Mart. Anyway, I bought some shampoo and conditioner but, since they only have boxes, I had to carry the bottles home, one in each hand. Like a ghetto dumbbell. Oh well, it really is gorgeous being outside.

I had been looking forward to summertime walks at work, but now I shall have to come up with another plan, because ideally I will be living in another state come true summer. Only two weeks left to soak up the good things about work, and then I can forget it altogether. I can't wait. There are all these plans running around in my head about the next few months. For instance, today I thought about that road trip that I've been craving. I could save up money and then in late April head out across the country: visit friends, make it to TrailBlazers for Operation Muscle, goof around for a couple weeks and head to Perry Point for the NCCC 10th anniversary celebration. I'd been thinking that I wouldn't be able to afford either of those trips, let alone both, but maybe I can do it. Get a quickie money-earning job, move home, and save up for a classic American adventure.

Or maybe I'll just get trapped in another boring temp job and never leave Seattle again. That better not happen.

For those who are curious, the name of this blog comes from a (most-excellent, if I do say so) mix CD I created recently. Here is the song list:
*Shades of Grey--Cry, Cry, Cry
*Guilty--Bonnie Raitt
*Tempted by the Fruit of Another--Squeeze
*The Downeaster Alexa--Billy Joel
*One Day I'll Fly Away--Moulin Rouge soundtrack
*Seasons of Love--Rent soundtrack
*The Water is Wide--Sarah McLachlan, Jewel, Dixie Chicks
*Son of a Preacher Man--Marianne Faithful
*Seven--Prince
*Low--Kelly Clarkson
*Freedom--Wham
*Center of the Sun--Conjure One f/ Poe
*Tears from the Moon--Conjure One f/ Sinead O'Connor
*Think Twice--Groove Armada
*Little Plastic Castle--Ani Difranco
*The Wild Rose--Nick Cave f/ Kylie Minogue
*Sistersong--Ani Difranco, Tori Amos, Paula Cole
*Grey--Ani Difranco
*Colourblind--Counting Crows

Welcome! Here is a new blog that will be easier to navigate. Visit my main site to learn more about me and see pictures. Ideally, this site will be updated more often, with more details and/or interesting tidbits. Enjoy!

02/21/04: So I did it, I put in my two weeks yesterday. I was jittery all day long. It's unreal to think about the reality of this. I just keep reminding myself to grit my teeth and DO IT, ALREADY. People around me are being wonderfully supportive, which really helps when I need affirmations.

This morning I went to an acupuncturist. It was an interesting experience. The needles weren't too bad, at worst it was a pinch when one went in. But once in, I didn't feel them. However, after they were in, I was instructed to take a nap for 40 minutes to let them work or whatever. I was wearing a t-shirt and sweatpants rolled up to the knees, and after about ten minutes I started feeling really cold. I felt helpless and hopeless and I started to cry. It was sort of silly, but I really hate being cold, and I had to just lie there, I couldn't move or do anything to get warmer. Then the crying got worse, because I've been so stressed out for the past month straight, with headaches everyday and my neck/back/shoulders has been a solid wall of pain this week. I'm quite possibly premenstrual, but sometimes things just pile up in my head until a small thing makes everything tumble on down. The acupuncturist finally came in to check on me, and I said all tearfully, I'm cold, I'm really cold. She was great, she turned the heater on my feet and put a towel on my torso and warmed my hands with hers. I cried a bit more after that but then I finally started to relax.

My neck/shoulders did feel better after the treatment. The tension was gone and my head felt lighter, or something. Unfortunately, it still feels knotty and full of kinks. I need a friend who is willing to rub my back.

I was so tired the past two days. I didn't sleep as long as I wanted to last night, and just awhile ago I lay down on the floor with a blanket and a pillow and dozed off. It felt pretty nice but I made myself get up so now I'm still groggy.

Weekends hold so much promise for me: time to sleep in, to relax, to do nothing, to do whatever I want, to 'catch up' with whatever I imagine I should be doing with my time. But most of the weekend I spend alone in my apartment, watching tv or reading things on the net, generally wasting my time and feeling lonesome and introspective and melancholy. I went through a period quite recently wherein I convinced myself that people liked me and enjoyed being around me (this isn't meant to sound conceited, it just means that whenever I was in a social situation, my inner monologue wasn't constantly telling me how boring/annoying/dumb/whatever I am, and how much all the other people couldn't wait to get away from me). However, this week apparently marks the end of that. Last weekend I joined a road trip to Vancouver at only two days' notice, and I had a great time. Road trips are great adventures and even though the weather was crap, it was fun to explore a new city. However, as I drove home, I couldn't help thinking that the other six people were breathing a sigh of relief at me finally being gone. Last night I was at a friend's place, with a big group of people I didn't know. That wasn't so much the problem as the noise--at any given time there were at least eight people talking at once. The space wasn't nearly big enough to accomodate that, and I felt completely overwhelmed, aurally and emotionally. I just could not deal with the noise; it was so loud it made me feel I was actually becoming deaf.

So the moral of the story is this?: I am tired and lonely. I can pretend at being all sophisticated and profound, but I'm just tired and lonely. Beyond trite.

02/19/04: I hate my job. I hate my job, I hate my job, I hate my job. Tomorrow I am submitting my two weeks' notice. I am scared and nervous and so relieved to be almost finished with this job. This is big, people. I have no plan, no job lined up, and I can only definitely survive one month with no income. However, this job is far too much energy and stress and time for being something that frankly, I don't care about. My heart isn't in it, I've been doing this just for money, essentially. I'm done with that, so from now on I will work in a field that I feel I am doing something worthwhile. I'm working on three applications in those fields right now, that I want to submit as soon as possible. Even so, my life is a blank for potentially the next eight months, at least. That will certainly be an adventure. Today I almost doubted myself, but I sternly reminded myself that just yesterday I was sobbing in the car, thinking about heading back to the office. The next two weeks will be insanely busy, more than busy, because it will be the end of the month, and then after that we have to deal with the carnage from the end of the month. The only way I'm going to get through that is thinking about never having to work there again. I'm a little sad to think of it, because I've really enjoyed my colleagues and even some of the business partners. But I HATE MY JOB.

In other news, I am feeling nicely toned and lean this week. Figures, because I may have to cancel my gym membership if I have no job.

02/08/04: Well, the promotion is exciting and everything, but holy cow, it is STRESSFUL. This job never ends. I'm not spending all my time at work, but I never get to leave at 5:15 anymore, either. And somehow the regular eight-hour day is filled to the freaking brim. One day feels like an entire week. Either I'll get better and it, or bored with it, or just have a heart attack and be done with it.

I really don't have a life, still, but I am managing to keep working out three or so nights a week, plus my daily walks of two to three miles. I am also broke this month, so no shopping or extraneous spending for me. I think once I get the midmonth paycheck I should be caught up and be able to start scraping away a little for savings. I've been steadily depleting it for awhile now and it makes me nervous.

Because I am so broke, from paying off Christmas and then going to Paris and then paying off Paris, I am thinking I may not be able to afford Operation Muscle in May (at TrailBlazers, surely you remember). In addition, I would love to attend the NCCC 10th anniversary celebration in Perry Point in early June. However, I am pretty certain I cannot afford two cross-country long weekends within weeks of each other. Perhaps I cannot afford even one. I think I need to convince myself right now that I can't do either, and then later maybe I'll have more money and can surprise myself with them.

I can't wait for another vacation. I can't wait to drive around the country, visiting friends and new places, with no deadlines or needs other than food and shelter.

01/29/04: So. It's been a week and a half that I've been home. It feels way longer, which means I have forgotten the joy and freedom of being abroad. It means I have succumbed to the banality of a routine life.

However, I do have good news, on the "banal life" front: I got a promotion! I am no longer an assistant, I shall now be a funder/closer. This means I have more files, more duties, more stress and more time to be at work. So far (the last three days) it has been pretty good, very busy, but exhilarating. And I shall look forward to receiving overtime pay.

Speaking of pay, I received a Form 1099 (from the credit union that holds my car loan) in the mail today, so that I can file my interest income of THREE CENTS. That made me laugh.

Not yesterday but the day before, I went on my walk at lunch as usual. The sky was blue and it was balmy, almost warm. So I set out sans hat, coat or gloves. It was lovely. I was reminded of how happy it made me to go walking last summer, basking in the sunshine, singing and dancing on the trails, completely forgetting about work and real life.

19/01/04: I am home now. Boo.

Look at me trying to type on a French keyboard! The trip ended better than Friday started. Over the weekend I met some more fun Australians, and I explored more of the city. I took a couple walking tours, went to the currency museum, etc etc. It was SO COLD. Really really cold. I couldn't feel my face for all of Sunday.

Got up at 7am today and headed for the airport, which was insane of course. The nine hour flight in coach was just thrilling...mostly I slept. The four hour flight from Dallas felt super cramped and I was anxious and sleepy, and I'd already finished the one book I had with me. I got through about twenty pages of a French student version of the Three Musketeers. But I just kept drifting off to sleep.

Now I am at home. It was weird walking in the door, the place looked different. But as I looked around, nothing had actually changed. It was nice, but surreal, to see all my stuff here. Had a lovely, non-button shower, finally took all the stuff out of the suitcase I've been living in for a week. I don't know. It is always nice to return to one's own bed and such, and it will be nice to see family and friends again. But holy cow, it's only been a week! It honestly feels like my trip was a lot longer than a week, though. When you travel, you do so much stuff everyday that each day passes fairly quickly. But in order to remember a few days back, you have to go through the catalog of everything you've been doing, so it seems longer than just a few days. Does that make sense?

16 Jan 2004: Okay, you can have the oyster back.

I am in Paris again. Yesterday was my full day of guided tours, first by bus in Brussels, then to Bruge for the afternoon. The former was lame and the latter was great. Brussels is interesting, and parts are very pretty. Bruge (you know, I'm not really sure how to spell it...) was lovely. Small, quaint cobblestone streets, several lovely churchtowers and a gorgeous market square. I climbed the belfry tower and the view was breathtaking. And yes, I felt the burn. Woo!

This morning I slept in...ah, wonderous. Ooh, did I mention the beautiful shower at the Brussels hotel? Oh it was perfect and amazing. Anyhoo, caught the noon train back to Paris, arrived back at the button-shower hostel, and did laundry and then went shopping. Holy cow. Talk about mad cow disease. No, I'm not sure what that meant. But people were everywhere and lines were long. It was exhilarating and frustrating at the same time.

It's gotten to that dangerous point in the trip, where the end is nigh and so one has to start thinking of it. It's only two full days left til I go back to home and work, but again, that is two entire days! Do you see what I mean here?

14/01/04: Look at that, I'm picking up Euro-isms all over the place. And it's Wednesday, I'm pretty sure, so that means my trip is already halfway over. But I'm trying not to think about it like that. So would the optimist version of that say it's half begun? Weird.

Tuesday I began with an eclair au chocolat (finally!) and then a walking tour of the Marais (the Jewish district, home of the Place des Vosges). It was lovely and educational, the guide was wonderful, and the rain wasn't even a problem. Anyone who is planning a visit to Paris or London should go on a walking tour, check them out. There is a Rome equivalent, whose name is escaping me, that is also excellent. Hurrah for walking tours. Then the bulk of my day (five hours of the afternoon) was spent at the Musee d'Orsay. It was incredible and huge. It just kept going and going. Also, I attended a concert at Notre Dame in the evening, which was just incredible.

Today, I am pleased to report, you will find me in Brussels. It's quite interesting, but only when you're in the centre of the town, which is where you find the Grand Place and environs. I have no idea what I'm doing or where I'm going, but I'm remaining patient and good things are happening. I happened into a museum of chocolate this afternoon, for instance.

I booked into a small hotel today, the room is TEENSY, but it's a bed, plus a bathroom en suite. That's what matters. And there's even a TV; I can watch Euro-MTV tonight!

12 Jan 2004: That link said Zelco,e to Pqris1 7no; thqtùs not q typo0

Welcome to paris! (no, that's not a typo)

Hurrah for new keyboards!

I am here! I was even fairly awake all day yesterday (for those who didn't hear, I left at 11:30 (but actually it was 1) on Saturday and arrived (on time) in Paris at 11am. I checked in to the hostel and took for a walk for the rest of the afternoon, from Opera (in the 8th I think) back to the hostel in the 5th. I took the mother of all naps around five, passing out and then waking up at nine and not sure what day I was in. Anyway, had a fairly normal night last night.

Today had a leisurely breakfast of orange juice and a demi-baguette, and then spent a few hours at the Centre Pompidou. Went shopping and then saw a film, called Happy End, at the underground mall, Les Halles. It rather wore me out. I meant to go back out and to the Louvre this evening, but oops, oh well. Tomorrow am planning on attending a walking tour and then visiting the Musee d'Orsay.

I love being in Paris! The smells, even the icky ones, remind me that I'm really here, and that I love it. I wish I had more time to visit other places; everyone else here (well, in the hostel) is Australian or American and all have buckets of time to visit all over Europe. It's strange being a "grown-up" around all these younger student types.

Anyway, now I am tired and need a shower. I'm glad I like adventure, because the showers are just weird. It's a button. Bonne nuit!

01/06/04: It's a snowstorm! Stacey drove us to work, but hardly anyone was there, so the boss let us all go home! Woo!! The snow is blowing and drifting and making it difficult to drive on the empty streets...it's so lovely.

So I leave in just a few days. Yikes, I'm not sure that I feel prepared. I went out and got some things for the trip. I got a trio of camp silverware, so that I can be my own moveable feast. And some packing things will be delivered this week, I hope. Last night I drove into Seattle to get my student/youth ID, which will save me money. I don't know if I have the right clothes, or enough clothes. Winter clothes are heavier and bigger than summer clothes. I may only have room for three outfits. Then again, I am planning on shopping when I get there. Here's to hoping for post-holiday season sales in the big department stores! Does anyone want presents, anything in particular? A scarf, a snowglobe, an artist's rendering of the night-lit Seine?

01/03/04: Is there anything more bittersweet than reading old love letters?

01/01/2004: Happy New Year! I hope that everyone had a good time ringing in 2004.

I get to leave a week from Saturday! That doesn't sound like a long time at all. I feel like I should be preparing, like sorting out the clothes and things I will take with me. Ooh, I am excited. This part, the anticipation, the preplanning, is always the hardest. It's too easy to overthink things. Especially since I'll basically only be gone a week, I have to force myself to calm down and quit worrying about buying the right clothes and accessories. I am hoping to be a little more spontaneous on this trip, but if that doesn't work out, oh well. Thinking about a day-tour to the Loire Chateaux, a morning (at least) spent in Chartres, a couple days in Brussels, plenty of time to wander museums, and a day or two flaner: an archaic French term meaning to meander the city, not exactly aimlessly, but for exploring, lazily, indulgently. The sort of day where you people watch, eat street vendor treats, stroll casually down the Champs Elysees or the back streets near your hotel, sketching, photographing, envisioning that the entire city exists for your sole pleasure.

With all this contemplation of this fast-approaching adventure, my mind is more and more drawn to thinking about my next adventure. Since I don't have money for extended travel, I am planning to move to another area of the US and get a new and different job. It is thrilling and scary and uncertain, but necessary. I am not complacent, but just plain bored with my job. I am seeking a new place for myself, where I am challenged to learn entirely new things, meet entirely new people, create a fulfilling adult life.

12/10/03: So yeah, Thanksgiving sucks.

Not so good news: got a call today that I was not chosen for the AmeriCorps position. Oh well. It would have been fabulous, but I'll just find something else! And really, who wants to live in Dallas anyway?

Good news--I came straight home from work and cleaned my bathroom! Bad news for the mold colonies that were making a valiant attempt to take over the shower stall, though.

Even better news that I can't believe I almost forgot to share: I am going to Paris! Thirty days from today, as a matter of fact! I will be there for nine days, a Saturday to a Monday, and oh, I cannot wait. It's been two and a half years since I've seen Paris. They've eliminated the franc and who knows what else in that length of time. And I've only been there in the summertime, so it will be a new experience to see it in the winter. I imagine it will be gray and dreary weather, but empty of tourists. Also hoping to catch some after-Christmas sales. A first for me--I will be staying in a hostel NOT in the outlying areas--I've just put in a reservation to a hostel in the 5th (Saint-Germain/student district)...woo! I'm trying to think of the last time I had a real vacation, like on a plane...and I'm pretty sure it was my 2001 Eurotrip. Egads.

11/29/03: So Thanksgiving is over, thank goodness. Thanksgiving has got to be my least favorite holiday; none of the meal appeals to my strict tastes, so I dine on rolls and salad, the smell of turkey cooking grosses me out, and I do NOT like being obligated to be with my family. Plus, as I told my roommate recently, I have issues with the ideological underpinnings of the entire holiday. Yes, I am evil and extremely un-American. Get over it.

All that said, I do of course love having a day off of work (for once!), and our bosses let us go early on Wednesday AND on Friday (we get either the day after Thanksgiving or the day after Christmas off; I am planning for a long weekend over Christmas).

Wednesday was even better because I had an interview! I can't remember if I mentioned the AmeriCorps jobs that I found last month and applied for. Well, since it had been a month, I had given up on it, no big deal. But I got a call at work on Monday to set up a phone interview. It seemed to go pretty well, and it got me all excited and happy

11/12/03: After I finished Live from New York, I read My Antonia. which I understand to be rather a standard in educational reading. My other foray into this field (Catcher in the Rye, which I did not like at all, as it had no discernable plot) made me skeptical, but I quite liked it. The story reminded me of Giants in the Earth, with the whole breaking of virgin land thing. It's thrilling to imagine all the toil and struggle they endured, and to imagine if you, the reader, would have been capable. And it's one of those books, like Prayer for Owen Meany, where the narrator, though ostensibly the center of the story, has no real personality, nothing to draw you to them. Their existence is to acquaint you with the titular character, who is often unforgettable and epic in their own way. You only remember them as being in love with or being friends with or just generally admiring of the real lead character. Anyway. I liked the book.

Well, it's happened at long last, I have a forty-hour work week! I like it. I am still busy, of course, but things have worked out so that I am no longer just barely keeping up, it's the reverse now; my processors can hardly keep up with me. Plus, my phone is almost silent. I clear my desk constantly. Which is nice, to not be drowning in files, but it makes me want a big, busy project.
Outside of work, I have enough time to work out in the evenings, eat some green beans, watch tv, AND relax a little. I need to work on weekends, because I tend to polarize--I go, go, go, nonstop, or I do nothing at all. Must work on more of a compromise of the two. But I am feeling more about my life, because I feel more in control of it.

10/31/03: Happy Halloween! It is COLD. I am sitting in my apartment and my fingers are literally going numb. I cranked the heat but it is taking its sweet damn time. It turned seasons in the blink of an eye...all the fall colors are out, and it is decidedly frosty in the mornings. Brr.
So at this momentous occasion, I must think back to all the previous Halloweens/birthdays in my short but jampacked life. I remember the party I had at the Gymnastics place, everyone wore Halloween costumes and we had a pinata, and then possibly we stayed the night at the gym. I remember lots of trick or treating in downtown Issaquah. I remember a party and trick or treating with a big group of girls in high school. Then of course, last year, when I, along with my teammates, spent Halloween packing to go back to Perry Point, and deep-cleaning the Bridgeport Habitat house. What an interesting array of history.

It's the end of yet another month. Crazy. Time is flying like nobody's business. I am reading another big book, which makes me a little impatient. Instant gratification, man.

10/21/03: Our local chapter of Mother Nature is manic depressive. This summer was a record-setting one, for lack of rainfall; the entire state got an average of less than two inches. ALL SUMMER. Then fall hit. I fully expected the weather to turn gray and crappy right on cue. However, it stayed really warm and sunny. A couple lightly-rainy days here and there, but lovely for the most part.

Eventually, last week or maybe even the one before, it got seriously gray, cloudy, Northwest-fall-like. Then, yesterday, it broke. Five inches of rain in one day. Torrents and sheets of rain all day long. It set an all-time record for rainfall in a single day.

10/19/03: So Friday night I stayed up til 12:45AM, practically propping up my eyelids to read. Imagine my surprise when I groggily awakened at 12:45PM on Saturday. Ah, sleep, that most sly and elusive nighttime activity.

The rest of the day I spent in a fatigued stupor, watching movies (Slackers and The Recruit) and TV (the Travel Channel and Queer Eye).

It is already Sunday evening. I went in to work for a couple hours (all hail the overtime!), plus ran to Costco and put up some decoration-type things in the living room. Still need to make my room homey. And clean it. And finish cleaning the bathroom. All in good time, grasshopper.

Something random popped into my head this afternoon while driving. I'm not sure why, but I was suddenly overcome with that sensation of travel. Hostels, airports, dragging bags around unfamiliar yet wonderfully foreign streets...how I long to travel again. I love to discover new things, or to discover ancient things all for myself. The thrill of crisp, new maps and memorizing another underground system. The secret, naughty pleasure of eating American fastfood in another country, and the way it somehow tastes different. Trying to shop for souvenirs without looking like a cheesy tourist. Never knowing who you'll meet, who you'll find yourself avoiding, what sense or smell or activity will become synonomous with that place in your memories. Ah, travel. Where shall I go next?

10/17/03: Wow, a whole week passed already. It went rather quickly. Monday I was feeling weak and tired, and Tuesday I stayed home. My limbs felt heavy, and tingly and trembly. I was in bed half the day, and laying down watching tv the rest of the day. It was good to relax.

I didn't really follow up on the job thing, though I did beef up my statements for the second application. I figure it also won't lead to a response, but it made me feel proactive and practicing, or something. Maybe I will work on keeping my eye open for opportunities. And by the time I'm really ready for something, I'll, you know, be ready. Hm, I wonder if that made sense.

I don't think much else happened this week. I haven't worked out at all, but I did start working overtime again. Making up for lost time, and for lost fundage in the bank account...I can't wait for November, when I'll be getting a bonus. Ten months later, but better late than never, is what I keep reminding myself.

So I spent three weeks reading that one book, right? I have made up for lost time, reading four books this week alone. I will be starting the fifth tonight. It's the last of the five I got from the library, the lot of which are due on Tuesday. Impressive, eh? One of them was The Alchemist. I loved it. I probably should have read it much sooner, but this was a perfect time to think about dreams and destinies. I can keep myself going, because I decided this is just my year in the crystal shop. I am saving up money for a future journey that will lead me to my true life.

Have you ever noticed that life goes by awfully fast? I am old. I mean, I know I'm still young, but it honestly feels like I'm still an awkward teenager, just pretending to be a "grown-up." The scary thing is that many other people feel this way, a good number of whom are significantly older than me. I don't want to go through the years, always feeling like I can't quite catch up. I mean, really, someone who is twenty-four is an adult, a go-getter, a social swagster, laughing in swanky, funky bars with their many eclectic friends, someone who has a unique, interesting and promising job, and a kitschy apartment in the city. Whereas I, rapidly approaching that twenty-fourth milestone, feel impossibly young, imposterly uninteresting, drab, lazy and antisocial. It's like I'm waiting for some sign, some privilege, some telltale symbol of true adulthood. And I don't mean voting, imbibing alcohol, or parenthood.

10/12/03: So another weekend is about to wrap up. This one was pretty quiet and relaxing, I suppose. I spent almost all of yesterday holed up at home, reading and watching tv. But I did get my ass out "on the town" for a little bit...I went to kinko's to use their paper cutter, and then found a consignment store (Lucky jeans for twenty bucks!). Back home, then right back out to the movie theatre. Yay for cherry icees. My tongue stays red for hours after finishing one.

I was planning on volunteering this weekend, but I didn't get the information on where and when...and I suppose I could have been more proactive and/or found another opportunity, but I got lazy and excited about a whole day to do nothing. I was not exactly pleased to be awake by 8.30, but oh well. I had already promised myself I wasn't going to work this weekend; in fact, I've only worked twenty-five minutes of overtime all week! It feels weird, like I'm cheating or something. But I'm a freaking assistant, there is no reason that I need to do tons of overtime; I should be able to do most of my work during my normal eight hours a day. As much as I love the money, I would rather have a little more time to myself, as well as a more fixed schedule. I really need to get off my ass and into the gym more. This week I went three times, last week once, the week before, twice. I'm just so tired...and I feel like I'm getting sick. That's been going on for a good four or five days now, though, so I'm anxious to just get sick already, or not be. Weirdly, I kind of want to get sick. I have to look forward to a time when I can justifiably and legally not work. I'm not sure if it's laziness or lack of responsibility...I suspect it's more a yearning for a change of pace, something new and different to interrupt the routine. I love taking field trips, or having meetings, or doing anything that means I'm not just sitting at my desk.

So so much for adventure. This weekend my only adventure was staying up to watch SNL with Justin Timberlake (it was quite a show) and finishing that damn 865-page book. Although, a good portion of yesterday evening was spent organizing my newish file cabinet (a two-drawer plastic number from Target)...it was good thing, too. The clutter was irking me; since the files weren't really organized, I hadn't put anything away for a good three months. Thus I had two large piles of random papers that needed organizing and filing. I am happy with my success in that endeavor. And this morning, again awake by 8.30, I finished tidying my room and the kitchen, did laundry, AND cleaned the bathroom (well, halfway). Hurrah for me.

There was some excitement this week. I was talking to Stacey about jobs, and she mentioned the government, and that reminded me of the job listings page at the CNCS (Corp for National and Community Service). I took a look and found TWO postings for an AmeriCorps Recruiting Program Specialist! It got me all worked up; the job description and requirements are made for me. One had a deadline of the next day, so I fumbled together some stuff to submit the application. Just so that I knew I did something. I was fully set to hunker down and put together better stuff for the other one, which ends this week sometime, but I keep forgetting. Eek. And, I never got confirmation or any word at all on the one I did submit, so I need to find out what to do next to get a response

09/28/03: This crazy month is almost over. I shall be glad.

Last weekend I volunteered with Habitat for Humanity, at their Snoqualmie Ridge site. The task for the day was bringing some houses up to code. Most of the things that needed to be done were in attics and crawl spaces. I worked in both, and worked up quite a sweat. I LOVED it. I loved doing something with my hands, I loved doing something that got tangible results, I loved doing something that really physically mattered. There was a brand-new team of AmeriCorps people there, a couple of whom had already done NCCC. It was fabulous to talk to them, but I was sad to not have time to get all their stories. That's my favorite thing about AmeriCorps, talking to the members, finding out where they come from, what they've done, what their general experience of life has been. People are cool.

I am planning to continue volunteering, with Seattle Works and now with Habitat. There is a site in Redmond where I hope to work in October.

I just re-read Succulent Wild Woman by Sark. I really enjoy her work, it inspires me. I have been feeling spiritually empty, so it was wonderful to read that. Because of that, I decided to use this afternoon for a mini adventure. I headed out on the freeway, thinking about going to Mount St Helens. Then I saw the exit for Aberdeen and Ocean Beaches, and I haven't ever been there, so I decided to go that way instead. It was so pretty, just driving on the highway, there were evergreen trees everywhere and a big blue sky overhead. I got into Aberdeen, took some turns, drove around, and then I ended up going to Ocean Shores. I parked by a little mall and ate at a diner. The chocolate milk shake was yummy. Then I went to the beachfront. It was populated with clam-diggers and kite-flyers. It was cloudy and windy and loud and wonderful. Being there reminded me of previous good times at Lincoln City and at Cape Cod. I walked down the beach, relaxed on some driftwood, watched a baby seagull scurry across the sand. It really wasn't an objectively exciting trip, but I enjoyed it all the same. Then I got back in the car to drive home, in plenty of time to catch the premiere of Alias.

Yesterday Stacey and I finally hosted a get-together at our apartment. We had drinks and games, and Jaime Doll joined us, who most of us hadn't seen since the early college years. It was a good time. The mojitos were the unofficial stars of the evening!

Also, happy birthday to the September Fire 4 babies, Ashley, Jep, and Brodie, and best of luck to Lesley, who is off to a big ol' adventure in Tanzania with the Peace Corps.

09/06/03: The faucet has turned off in the mortgage industry. The light at the end of the tunnel is close; no one's sure if it means we're all clear or we're in danger from that stupid oncoming train (which this time means that no one knows how long we'll all have jobs). The repercussions are apparent everywhere. Appraisals used to take 3-4 weeks to complete because the appraisers were so back-logged with orders...just in the past week a good number of orders were finished in less than seven days. Our office is still really busy catching up, but the boss made it clear that things will change from now on. My little life as an assistant blew up this week; the teams were rearranged a little, and now I have huge pile of files to work on. The week was kind of tough, because of all the changes, but next week I better get it together.

Another boring weekend. Last night I played Bunko and it was a lot of fun. I'll go in to work on Sunday afternoon. I have an hour's worth of files to build at home. Some more laundry to do at my mom's house. I might pass out from all this excitement.